Stay-At-Home Dads
Chances are, they're gay. Ginia Bellefante reports for The New York Times about "an emerging population of gay men who are not only raising children but are also committed to the idea that one parent should leave the workplace to do it":
Of 9,328 same-sex couples with children whose census returns were randomly selected for analysis by the Census Bureau, 26 percent of the male couples included a stay-at-home parent, said Gary Gates, a demographer with the Urban Institute, a nonpartisan research organization in Washington. That figure is one percentage point more than for married couples with children and four percentage points higher than for female couples, said Mr. Gates, who performed the analysis for this article.The percentage of men who stay at home is significantly smaller among married heterosexual couples, Mr. Gates said.
The obstacles of finding surrogate mothers and of discriminatory adoption laws that favor heterosexual couples have led some gay men to pursue parenthood with fervor.
"Being a planned gay father is such a project in itself," said Judith Stacey, a professor of sociology at New York University and a senior scholar at the Council on Contemporary Families, a research organization. Often, Professor Stacey said, gay fathers or those aspiring to be "remain very judgmental of parents who don't stay home."
To some gay men, the idea of entrusting the care of a hard-won child to someone else seems to defeat the purpose of parenthood.
Ray Friedmann, of Portland, Ore., gave up an accounting job at a credit union after he and his partner adopted their daughter, Ceriwen, now six months old. Unable to join his partner's medical plan because it does not provide for domestic partners, Mr. Friedmann, like many other gay fathers, pays for his own health insurance.
"We never thought we'd even be able to have this child," Mr. Friedmann said. "When we had the opportunity to do it, we wanted to give her the best attention and love."
Perhaps you've seen the above-quoted Judy Stacey, a friend of mine and Lena's, who testified in the case against the Florida ban on gay parent adoptions -- aka Rosie O'Donnell's Prime Time Live coming-out party. Two gay parents, Steve Lofton, 44, and Roger Croteau, 46, took in a bunch of kids that nobody wanted -- kids with AIDs and other serious illnesses, and difficult backgrounds -- and created a family so happy that a lot of kids with hetero parents would probably petition to join it. Now the state of Florida is trying to take one of those kids away -- just because the parents are gay. Go ahead -- tell me fundamentalism isn't evil.
"Go ahead -- tell me fundamentalism isn't evil."
FUNDAMENTAL IS EVIL. And Judy Stacey's goddesshood is second only to Amy Alkon's, in Lena's humble opinion.
Lena at January 13, 2004 1:10 AM
Awwwwwww!
Amy Alkon at January 13, 2004 4:45 AM
Ah, rigid fundamentalism strikes again. I can only wonder what they have against kids with serious illnesses. Apparently, that quote of fundamentalism that someone, somewhere might actually be happy is true. How dare these two perverts even TRY to let these kids have a fleeting respite from the misery that is terminal illness.
If these two men prevail, I hope they contact the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Sounds to me like they've got a house full of prospective candidates.
Of course, the fundamentalists might be furious that some of these kids might enjoy a day at Disney World, or whatever it is their little hearts desire, before they pass from our sight.
Patrick at January 13, 2004 9:10 AM
I wish there were more bloggers like you. Linked to this on my blog. Thanks.
Alice Bachini at January 13, 2004 11:33 AM
Awww...this article gave me the warm fuzzies...up until the part about the state trying to take away Bert. Bad state! Bad!
Oh, and go Judy Stacey.
M at January 13, 2004 4:54 PM