What's Your Dumb-Ass Question For The Candidate?
After Matt Welch heard somebody ask John Kerry "Is God on America's side?" he was inspired to come up with a his own list of dumb-ass questions for the candidates. Here are a few of my favorites:
* Does God love Guam and Puerto Rico just a little less? The District of Columbia? American Samoa?* Do non-human animals believe in oral sex?
* What if all this was a dream, and you woke up & you were the president of Mexico?
Remember, you heard it hear first. (And on the major news networks second.)
(via Reason's blog)
Does Jesus steal my socks out of the dryer?
Lena at March 2, 2004 10:04 PM
How about:
Kerry:
"Do you think Iran is that evil?"
Cecile at March 2, 2004 10:48 PM
"Do you think you're running against an imbecile?"
Patrick at March 3, 2004 9:35 AM
Should gay tele-tubbies be allowed to marry?
eric at March 3, 2004 9:49 AM
What happens to us after we die?
Lena at March 3, 2004 12:21 PM
Ooh, I have an answer, Lena:
(to "What happens to us after we die")
from Robert Morse, a Yale physicist:
"We go from a highly organized state to a highly mushy one."
Amy Alkon at March 3, 2004 1:27 PM
Nabokov said our lives are but brief cracks of light between two eternities of darkness. The "darkness" is just him speaking figuratively. Two eternities of nothingness is more like it. In fact, you already know exactly what death is, you were "dead" for the 13 billion years before you were born. Death is the return to your pre-birth state of nothingness. Or as Woody Allen said, "it's hard to contemplate your death and carry a tune at the same time."
chris at March 3, 2004 4:22 PM
"Nabokov said our lives are but brief cracks of light between two eternities of darkness."
Well, MY life is a butt crack of ecstasy between two cheeks of firmness.
Lena at March 3, 2004 6:24 PM
Remarkable, that's just how I think of your life too.
chris at March 3, 2004 7:50 PM
There's a saucer of milk waiting of you in the fridge, Chris.
Lena at March 3, 2004 9:41 PM
No no no, bullshit, Lena Cuisena.
You're the one who turned it catty with your catty answer to my thoughtful heartfelt and oh yes, brilliant answer. Looking for the Jellico cat? Look in the mirror, mistress of meowiness
chris at March 3, 2004 10:07 PM
Okay, fine... Could I get some Purina with that?
Lena at March 4, 2004 8:00 AM
I'd like to amend my answer on what happens when we die.
What happens when we die? The relatives and friends(assuming
you have any) gather to fake their grief and wait for the
bestowing of your property. Next, assuming youíre not
cremated, you are given to an austere looking grey-haired
man at the funeral home. That night his 15 year-old pimply
goth son, opens your casket and has sex with all of your
orifices. Next, the gold is ripped from your mouth with
rusty pliers. Finally they close the casket and throw dirt
on you. Hopefully youíre actually dead, so you wonít have to
frantically claw at the inside of the casket, wearing your
fingers down to bloody nubs, as so many unfortunate people
have. Next the casket begins to collapse in on you, and you
are swarmed by tens of thousands of worms that slowly begin
eating your face and eyeballs. Perhaps a few snakes join in
the swarm. Depending on where you are buried, heavy rains
may then come and wash your remaining bones out to the
surface or into the street where they are found by wondering
dogs. The dog returns home with his newfound bone, whereupon
his master promptly takes it and sodomizes his 7 year old
niece with your femur. This is what happens when we die.
chris at March 4, 2004 9:28 AM
Chris - you okay? it's sassy Burroughs-esque writing and all, but I'm just wondering what all this stuff about the rotting niece and femur and worms is all about. you sound way too cool for this kind of style of "feeling the noise." you'd let us know if you need to pound something real, right? hugs, Lena
Lena at March 4, 2004 10:32 PM