Complain And Simple
While I love letters telling me how I'm the next best thing to Socrates, only much prettier, the letters from people who think I'm shallow, mean-spirited, and stupid are always the most entertaining. Here's one from this week's mailbag:
Dear Ms. Alkon,
In todayís St. Paul Pioneer Press, I read your ìAdvice Goddessî column. Please note the section below, part of your response to a woman asking for advice about meeting men.The choice is yours: Find some courage or buy 26 cats and plan to die alone in a smelly apartment with one light bulb swinging over your head.I am appalled at this stinging insult to single women. How dare you imply that every single woman has 26 cats and lives in abject squalor? What century are you living in? Or was this only a feeble attempt at humor?
With disgust! N.C.
Of course, the "feeble attempt at humor" above was a joke I've retreaded for years about my own prospects. America, formerly "the land of the free and the home of the brave," is now also "the land of the insulted." Everybody takes everything soooo seriously. I mean, come on...like I would ever own 26 cats? Sure, I could see having one or two -- preferably dead and recycled into toilet seat covers.
Posted by aalkon at May 16, 2004 10:26 AM
Comments
If every single woman doesn't have at least one cat, it sure feels that way.
Take it from one who's allergic and has to rule such people out as prospects. There ain't many pickins left.
Posted by: LYT at May 16, 2004 1:22 PM
I knew one such old woman in NYC in the 1980s. I forget her name, but I remember that one of her 26 cats was named Wolfgang Amadeus Meowzart. That was pretty dumb, but she could also be cute. One day she said that in college she "majored in Kvetch-ism, with a minor in Nudge-ism." (No one ever taught me to spell in Yiddish. Are those spelled correctly?)
Posted by: Lena at May 16, 2004 1:37 PM
I used to tell my then boyfriend (now husband of six, almost seven years) that I thought for sure I'd end up with an apartment full of cats! I'd tell "disgusted" to get a grip...
Posted by: Shelly at May 16, 2004 2:47 PM
"I mean, come on...like I would ever own 26 cats? Sure, I could see having one or two -- preferably dead and recycled into toilet seat covers." - Amy Alkon
I am appalled that you would advocate such cruelty to animals. How dare you imply that it is acceptable to kill cats just to adorn your toilet!
With Disgust,
C.R.
:)
Posted by: GodlessRose at May 16, 2004 6:15 PM
In the late sixties the family of my friend Dennis had a cat named Golda Meower.
Posted by: Curtis at May 16, 2004 7:48 PM
Dead cats have many uses beyond toilet seat covers. I'm sure their fur makes delightful insoles.
Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 16, 2004 9:37 PM
Anyone who hates kids and cats can't be all bad.
Amy- I read this yesterday and had to think of you:
"It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and the Cross of the Legion of Honour." - Andre Gide
Posted by: eric at May 17, 2004 8:55 AM
I am relieved that I am neither French nor a man. And I think many of my critics would consider me too immature to ever be considered "middle-aged."
Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 17, 2004 9:03 AM
I didn't mean it that way - I just associated the humor and the French connection with your humor.
I also was curious if you saw the 60 minutes last night about the Muslim women in France...
Posted by: eric at May 17, 2004 10:11 AM
I wasn't offended. Was just running with the ball. Didn't see the 60 Minutes. Was it about the attacks of Muslim girls by gangs of Muslim boys?
Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 17, 2004 10:48 AM
Yes- it was horrible, barbaric. I am beginning to believe that the differences in our cultures are such that there can be no reconcilliation.
But I digress the subject....
On our mountain we really don't have cats- the eagles, owls and coyotes eat 'em. Our cats are more of the cougar variety.
Posted by: eric the $12 toaster repairman at May 17, 2004 11:34 AM
You must have a lovely bedspread or two.
Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 17, 2004 2:57 PM
Nope! I have always wanted to do it on a bear skin rug though...
Posted by: eric at May 17, 2004 3:28 PM
Or a cat skin quilt!
Posted by: Sheryl at May 19, 2004 7:57 PM