Berlin
I'm off to Berlin, for the 2004 conference of the Human Behavior & Evolution Society, July 21st through 25th, in the Henry Ford Building of the Free University of Berlin.ÝQuoting from their Web site:

The Human Behavior and Evolution Society (HBES) is an interdisciplinary, international society of researchers, primarily from the social and biological sciences, who use modern evolutionary theory to help to discover human nature - including evolved emotional, cognitive and sexual adaptations.

At the conference, anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists from around the world will present their latest work. I go there to hear about studies that relate to my column -- so I can refer to them, and thus use solid data in my column to dispel the mistaken notions of poor, miserable, social Ted Kaczynskis like this guy:

This is the first responding to your or any column but suffice it to say I am the afore mentioned man. Call it what you want but I would never ask any woman for her phone number any where any time. Yes, as a "social ingrown toenail" and since I am "as forward as a coat rack" the indication is that maybe men like me are tired of having to do all the work. Where is the equality in that? And as for the beautiful women you they are like bee hives with those MEN falling all over themselves to get a sniff. All they think we are here for is to changer their tires and fix things around the house because they are too lazy or just do not have the guts to do it themselves. Needless to say my experience is to LEAVE THEM ALONE. That is what they want unless it is for money, to fix something or just to gripe about the fact that they do put their pants on sometimes.

No I will live alone before going into that jungle again. Clean your own pools and get equal. Why should we be the ones getting kicked in the teeth all the time after you get tired of us trying to make intelligent conversation and you don't have the vocabulary or know anything about any subject. Oh but you look good with all that make up and twisting your hair, and flirting like a barracuda ready to tear that prey apart..
Not happening.
W.A.

And here's my response I e-mailed him:

(Quoting W.A., quoting me): "Yes, as a 'social ingrown toenail' and since I am 'as forward as a coat rack' the indication is that maybe men like me are tired of having to do all the work. Where is the equality in that?"

(And now my response): No, it's not "equal." Like life, dating is not "fair." And contrary to what feminists say, men and women are not the same. You can whine about how unfair this is, or you can ask women out. One ensures you'll be home wanking off for the rest of your life, one substantially decreases the possibility. I'm in France now, where men are amazed when I tell them about American men who behave as you do: "like neutered kittens" ("comme les petits chats qui sont coupÈes!"...complete with scisssors handmotion). Here, if men like you, they approach you; maybe you turn them down, maybe you don't. They don't take it personally.

Luckily, I have a real-man American boyfriend, who asked me out when I flirted with him (the woman's job -- to let a man know it's safe by giving him signals that she's into him)...we went out for coffee moments later...talked for three hours, then he walked me to my car, grabbed me and kissed me, and got on a plane to Detroit, and that was all there was of me.

If he hadn't been guy-guy enough to kiss me, it might not have been kicked up into romance...maybe I would have met somebody else that week...etc. But all I could think of was him until he got back and we had our first date. Well, actually, we never had a first date, because we never got out of my house. That only works for girls who aren't feminists, and for men who are secure in being men. Try it sometime. Or stay home whining about how tragically unfair the world is. Your choice!
Big kiss, --Amy The Flirting Barracuda