Republicans For Kerry
Ken Layne, finally back after a much-too-long blog-vacation, nyah-nyahs Bush-worshipper Tim Blair:
"And you guys, you formerly cynical guys who now worship the incompetent Bush simply because you were told to do so, you're only making it easier for the Kerry people to win."Blair, too drunk to follow the entire convoluted sentence, caught on at the end and whimpered, "How so?"
"Look at you people with this Vietnam boat nonsense. Every day, you're pounding home the fact that Kerry fought in Vietnam. You idiots started this stuff so early -- with the "Oh he protested the war" and the Jane Fonda photoshops -- that the Kerry people turned the whole Democratic convention into celebration of the Vietnam War. Nobody even remembers being against Vietnam anymore. The next Vietnam movie will be a buddy comedy starring Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, and all they're going to do is kill Charlie and win medals and dance with beautiful girls. It'll make $300 million on the opening weekend. They're going to tear down that bummer memorial in Washington and put up a 1,000-foot statue of a smiling American soldier proudly standing on a stack of golden skulls. You morons have made Vietnam the Democrats' favorite memory and greatest victory. Then you scream hooray when a gang of addled old Nixon bagmen show up in a teevee commercial to bitch about Kerry fighting in Vietnam, and once again the normal people with lives only remember, again, that Kerry fought in Vietnam and the Bush campaign is upset about it."
"But," Tim sputtered, "He clearly claimed he was in Cambodia several days before he was in Cambodia. It was seared--"
"Stop that," I said, poking his neck with the corkscrew worm. "Listen to yourself. What are you doing, again? That's right, you're reminding people that the other guy fought in Vietnam. Have you become so brain dead that you think this helps your girly boy Bush? Do you honestly believe the coward boy can beat the War Monster?"
Blair tried to shake the confusion from his head. Then his eyes brightened for a moment and he said, "Four months! Kerry was only in Vietnam for four months!"
"See? You did it again. You people can't stop reminding everybody that Kerry was in Vietnam, taking lives like your boy eats cookies. Killing people, saving people, holding Life & Death in his hands like a savage gift. He kills the Viet Cong or anybody else he chooses, he saves a U.S. sailor who fell out of the boat, he walks the halls of the Senate deciding who he'll kill or who he'll save. In Vietnam, Kerry is a death's head of gruesome power, while your Bush hides in Alabama, a scared little girl. And what did little Bush do in Texas?"
Well, he did chortle a little when Carla Faye Tucker went to the chair.
"Worshipper?" Huh.
Jim Treacher at August 18, 2004 7:45 AM
These days, few people are common-sense moderates like Matt Welch, for example, and act like politics is eighth grade soccer...rubber-stamping everything their side does as great. "Worshipping" would be a good word for it. I'm not a Democrat, nor am I a Republican; simply somebody looking to vote for a candidate for president who isn't a sell-out, a fundamentalist, or an idiot. I don't agree with John McCain's abortion stance, but I'd run naked to the polls to vote for him because he has integrity, I think.
Amy Alkon at August 18, 2004 7:55 AM
Kucinich, too.
Amy Alkon, liberaltarian at August 18, 2004 7:55 AM
And it only gets better:
"Impotent and helpless, losing every war, he hides under the desk, clutching a cheap tear-stained stuffed animal from the Texas State Fair and a picture book about a friendly goat."
Lena Cuisina, Barren Adultress at August 18, 2004 8:28 AM
"'Worshipping' would be a good word for it."
Hmm. Could be!
Jim Treacher at August 18, 2004 10:10 AM
People who dress their dogs up in cute little outfits should not be allowed to participate in the political process, and if "integrity" is the right name for what Kucinich has, I don't want any of it.
You're a very silly girl, Amy Alkon.
Richard at August 20, 2004 3:14 PM