Dear Idiot (aka Jeanne Phillips)
Yesterday, Dear Abby (aka Jeanne Phillips) ran a letter from a distraught girl who'd discovered evidence her stepfather was a peeping pedophile:
GIRL FINDS STEPDAD'S CAMERA IN A PLACE IT DOESN'T BELONGDEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I noticed some porn in my mom and stepdad's room. I didn't mention it to anyone. Later, my older sister accused my stepdad of window-peeping, but no one believed her. Last summer, I noticed him outside my window when I woke up one morning. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause a problem.
I have never liked my stepdad. He is verbally abusive. You wouldn't believe what I hear every single day.
I share a bathroom with one of my sisters. Last year when it was remodeled, we noticed a gap between the floor and the basement. (We covered it with towels when we were in there.)
Last week, I noticed what looked like a piece of wood in the gap, so I decided to give it a closer look. It looked like the lens of a camera. When I took a flashlight into the basement and checked it out, I found a cable running through the room and got close enough to see it said "camera" on the back. It faced the toilet.
I don't know who to tell, or if I should. My sister deserves the right to know -- but who else would believe me? I'm just a stupid 14-year-old girl. If I tell my mom, she will kick my stepdad out, and I'll have to go and live with my dad. I'll have to change schools. I'll lose my boyfriend, my friends, my life. Mom could lose the house because my stepdad mainly brings in all the money.
I should have said something when I saw the porn. I feel like this is all my fault. If I don't say anything and it keeps on, it could get worse -- and I'd probably commit suicide from the stress. And what if my friends come over? Please help me -- this is so important. -- DESPERATE IN INDIANA
Did Dear Abby advise her to call the police, pronto? Nope! She actually advised the girl to go out and buy a disposable camera!...photograph the video camera behind the toilet...wait to get the pictures developed...and be sure to get several sets of prints! After she gets the prints back, she's supposed to hand one copy to the dimwit mother who put her in danger in the first place, and refused to believe the girl's sister when she told her she caught the stepfather peeping. That should be highly effective! The girl's also supposed to drop another set in the mail to her father! (Let's hope she can get her hands on a Priority Mail stamp.) Next, she's supposed to cross her fingers that mom will leap into action to protect her -- and not simply ask step-pervo to please remove the photographic equipment behind the peephole in the girl and her sister's bathroom before he sits down to dinner! (And that's probably the best case scenario, judging from the girl's description of enabler-mom.) If mom does nothing, the girl is supposed to go give another set of prints to a "trusted teacher"! Phillips does add: "Your stepfather is sick and does not belong in a house with young women."
Oh, and by the way: "Ideally, the police should be notified."
Yeah! Like the moment you got that letter. As an advice columnist, there are certain letters you get that you don't let sit around in the mail Matterhorn with all the mail from horny convicts; for example, those from people who seem seriously suicidal and those from distraught young girls living with pedophile stepfathers. If at all possible, (if you're me) you get that girl on the phone (surreptitiously, of course), and get her to call the cops immediately. What you don't do is make her wait three weeks for your lame-ass, wrong advice to run in the paper. Now, maybe Phillips did take steps to contact the girl. Where would you place your bet on that?
I was so disturbed after reading this column of hers, I came home from lunch and e-mailed the head of sales at her syndicator. Since I've heard nothing back from him -- not even a "got your note" -- I'm posting this here. If you're as disturbed as I am by this, and your local newspaper runs Dear Abby, please write and let them know how you feel. Here's my take on it:
Dear John, I know this is very out of the ordinary, but I've been disturbed about this since I read Dear Abby in the paper at lunch. I'm writing to you because I don't have Jeanne Phillips' e-mail or office address, but the advice of hers that ran in the LA Times today (about the pedophile peeping stepfather) was seriously, dangerously wrong. The girl needs to call the police IMMEDIATELY, not play girl detective and wait to do something "when the pictures are developed"! I hope you'll forward this to Jeanne Phillips -- who would, I hope, track the girl down and tell her to call the cops. I often disagree with Phillips' advice, and typically just roll my eyes and close the paper without another thought -- but advising a young girl to take matters into her own hands in a case like this...! Dangerously, irresponsibly wrong. -Amy Alkon
It was beyond careless... and what about holding on to the third set of prints until AFTER she alerts the offenders, so, in the event she isn't chopped up into bits, she can give them to a "trusted teacher" blah blah blah.
Today she heaped on the guilt to a 13-yr old girl for not revealing a molestation incident that happened 6 years previously (when she was 7 years old!). Check the tone of the language -- "P.S. I regret that you didn't report the molestation to your parents when it occurred. Had you done so, you could have received help then, and guaranteed that the boy could not abuse another child."
Okay. You can slash your wrists now.
Doug at September 10, 2004 9:35 PM
Hi, Amy. Thanks for taking the steps you did. And I'm also flattered that you included my email to you when you sent it. I think the original Dear Abby (Pauline Phillips) needs to be called out of retirement to give some remedial training to her idiot daughter. I didn't think much of the original, but to the best of my knowledge, she never endangered a child. I would hope that the gentlemen you emailed would assure you that he contacted Phillips, at the very least. The idea of some little girl being leered at by her pervert stepdad while Dear Abby (who never answers letters outside her column, I believe) while waiting for Dear Abby to give some very bad advice makes me absolutely retch. Those two poor girls.
I expect that if Mommy Dearest didn't believe the older sister the first time, I can't imagine what she would do if confronted with photographic evidence. Probably pull a Joan Crawford with a Lizzie Borden touch. From what I see, she didn't even entertain the idea that the daughter might actually be telling the truth.
Patrick at September 10, 2004 10:08 PM
Doug writes: Today she heaped on the guilt to a 13-yr old girl for not revealing a molestation incident that happened 6 years previously (when she was 7 years old!). Check the tone of the language -- "P.S. I regret that you didn't report the molestation to your parents when it occurred. Had you done so, you could have received help then, and guaranteed that the boy could not abuse another child."
Okay. You can slash your wrists now.
You know, Doug, you seem very astute. I'm most impressed with your observation about today's column, which I haven't read. One would think Abby would be a lot more understanding about the reluctance of children to disclose their own victimization.
Uh, Jeanne dear, you just ran a column about a young girl who DID tell about her victimization and her mother DIDN'T BELIEVE HER! Perhaps you could be more understanding about children who don't want to come forward right away and say, "Hey, Mom. Hate to tell you, but the guy you married just had his way with me last night. You might consider getting rid of this one, Mom."
Patrick at September 10, 2004 10:14 PM
Given the fact that mainstream journalism has become so frikkin wishy washy overall, this is not a surprise. John Prine had a satirical song titled Dear Abby. Seems the apple does not fall far from the tree.
hrc at September 11, 2004 12:46 AM
I read Dear Abby on Washingtonpost.com, and I never saw that letter. But when I go to the page you linked to, I had seen the letter after the one about the peeping tom (the woman with the divorced guy). That makes me think that at least one newspaper declined to print that awful advice, which is slightly comforting.
Kate at September 11, 2004 9:00 AM
I think Jeanne was just trying to protect a fellow perv.
Dear Lena at September 11, 2004 9:49 AM
As retarded as her advice was, didn't the original letter strike you as a hoax? Adam and Dr. Drew would have spotted that one from a mile.
rebecca at September 13, 2004 6:16 PM
The only thing that's terribly suspicious is the camera cable being marked "camera." Hoax or not, she could have given a good example of what to do (call the cops pronto)...well, if she weren't a blithering incompetent. She did, last week, print a letter that was a hoax...in its entirety!...then, very pleased with herself, noted that it was on Snopes in her answer. I get hoax letters and erase them, but that's just me. Of course, this lady discovered the Internet last week, so maybe that has something to do with it. Still, as I sit crawl around my house chasing the muse (that bitch!) on deadline, I am impressed that she maintains a column in a gazillion newspapers without actually taxing her brain.
Amy Alkon at September 13, 2004 6:37 PM
Rebecca writes: As retarded as her advice was, didn't the original letter strike you as a hoax? Adam and Dr. Drew would have spotted that one from a mile.
The beauty of having an advice column in the first place is when you can actually generate answers that appeal to others in the same situation. Hoax or not, Dear Abby's intellect-free advice could have been followed by someone in a similar situation. Why encourage sexually abused children to do the wrong thing by taking matters into their own hands?
Patrick at September 14, 2004 12:24 PM