Love Hurts
Literally. Check out this hilarious letter from today's mail bag:
I have been seeing this girl for about four months (Iím 40, sheís 32), and during sex she has very long orgasms where she is becoming more and more violent. She has ripped out chunks of my hair (by the roots), bitten me on the cheek leaving bruised teeth marks, slapped and punched me and left deep scratches on my face. She knocked out my tooth and cost me $400 at the dentist. I have repeatedly asked her to mellow out, be gentle, calm down, etc. And she promises not to get carried away every time before sex, but always loses control and beats me. Am I supposed to like this? Sheís very nice and quiet and polite at all other times. What the heck is going on here?--Whipped In Memphis
Gosh, whipped, I'm no shrink but it sounds like your wife has some repressed issues that are between her and her shrink. In the meantime, separate yourself from psycholady, before you get even more seriously hurt.
If you can't bring yourself to do that, you can either get yourselves some inflatable toys for your protection until the lady-piranha in the bedroom can control herself. Or you can learn to like looking like a hockey player after one night of passion.
Patrick the Advice Guru at October 15, 2004 9:47 AM
Geez, this is too easy. Turn the woman over and let her whack the damn pillows. He had to write a letter for something this simple? And keep your fingers out of the blender, too, okay? That lighted match to check out the gas level in your car? Not a good idea. And those long orgasms...could be she just loves clocking you, man. Ain't no orgasms 'til she's whacking you good. Oh, and just for the record, never been there, never done that. Just using some sense.
allan at October 15, 2004 6:42 PM
Maybe she has orgasmic epilepsy, or catamenial seizures.
orgasmic epilepsy: http://www.emedicine.com/neuro/topic658.htm
catamenial szs: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/447790_3
ema at October 15, 2004 9:18 PM
This is why the good Lord invented bondage.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at October 16, 2004 12:04 AM
I see no evidence of god, but plenty of bondage. Just look at all the married people!
Amy Alkon at October 16, 2004 1:00 AM
So, tell us, oh sagacious goddess, what did you tell the man to do?
Patrick the Advice Guru at October 16, 2004 2:15 AM
I actually never answered it. Thought it was probably a fake. But, if you knock somebody's tooth out, I think it's proper etiquette to fork over the cash to have it replaced. Poor dear...oh, the screaming orgasms. There are a lot of men who would suffer a beating or two in exchange.
Amy Alkon at October 16, 2004 9:19 AM
I experienced a similar but opposite situation years back with a woman who wanted to be spanked, then smacked, then hit during those finer moments. It was like finding yourself in a nightly episode of Cops.
I don't know if it was a fake or not, but I believe him. Psycho sex is everywhere.
I even know one women whose fiance can only get off if she dresses up like a cow (bell and all) and moos.
eric at October 17, 2004 11:41 PM