Save The Advice Goddess In Ithaca
If you read my column in Ithaca, and are a fan, here's some bad news: The publisher wants to drop it after getting complaints about a line I wrote -- "Sex isn't special." Here it is in the context of the column (entire text of the column here):
Where you go wrong is thinking sex is special. It isn’t. Monkeys have it, and not because somebody gave them flowers and expensive jewelry. But consider this: while your girlfriend was the antithesis of selective about the men she slept with (apparently, not only sowing her wild oats, but a soybean crop equivalent to that of mainland China’s), she appears quite picky about the man she relationships with.
Now, I have no problem with people writing in to say I'm wrong or immoral. In fact, I welcome dissent. Papers should, too. Instead, daily newspapers tend to bend over the moment three old ladies (or some church group) complains. I work very hard to tell the truth and present data-based answers in my column instead of taking the easy way out: simply rubberstamping the status quo. Sadly, many papers would rather foster docile readers than spirited discussion.
If you live in Ithaca (ONLY if you live in Ithaca and read me -- this has to be an honest reflection of reader opinion), and if you like my column and want to continue to see it in the paper, please call the publisher:
Jim Fogler, President/Publisher (607) 274-9252 jfogler@ithaca.gannett.com
Apparently, a lot of people are calling the features editor to complain, but when they ask people to call the publisher, they all get intimidated and hang up. There's probably some church group or organized group of neo-Puritans campaigning to get me out of the paper. Only if there's a campaign on some commensurate level, favoring free expression, might this have a chance. Jeez, it's hard earning a living without selling out and giving them what they want. Not that I could do that, but the thought that that's what it takes to get a column to really take hold in papers is really depressing.
**IF YOU DON'T LIVE IN ITHACA, BUT KNOW ANY BLOGGERS THERE, PLEASE PASS THIS LINK ON! I've put a call in to the publisher to plead my case, but have yet to talk to him.
Here's the email the features editor wrote me:
Hi Amy, Thanks for your note and phone call earlier today. Unfortunately, I probably didn't give as complete an explanation as I should have as to why we've dropped your column. While I personally have liked running it our weekly arts section, both my editor and publisher have been wanting me to keep moving the content in a different, fresher direction. We've been running your column for quite a while, and had been thinking about discontinuing it as part of our ongoing process of reassessing our publication. The particular column that aroused reader controversy recently just served to spur the final decision.Also, I wasn't aware that my editor had already notified Creators Syndicate about discontinuing the column, which also has led to some of the confusion on the part of myself and my assistant in providing appropriate notice to our readers and you about our decision.
While I'm sure the blog posting will result in my publisher getting barraged with calls and emails, at this point I don't think it will help the cause. We've had a good run with your column, but it's one that's come to an end.
Thanks,
Jim Catalano
Here's what I wrote back:
Thanks for your note -- but actually, it doesn't go through Creators; it comes directly from me, so notification of cancellation needed to come to me. I'm really disappointed at your decision, because I know I have a lot of fans there -- especially college students -- who read it. That it has run for a while seems a weird reason to drop something. My column appeals to men like no other does -- and women as well. I would still like to talk to your managing editor and the publisher. You don't say my column is bad or weak or unfunny -- just that there was a controversy and you're dropping it. This is most disappointing, both personally and in terms of my idealistic view of what papers should do -- not foster docile readers but foster discussion. Sad. Pardon me, but what content is "fresher" than what I write? I challenge the status quo every week -- I go to anthropology conferences and read the same journals shrinks and scientists do. I'm desperate every week, not just to rubberstamp the status quo, but to reexamine how things are done and see if they still make sense, and figure out what makes the most sense, vis a vis a rational, libertarian perspective. Albert Ellis, the 90-year-old father of Rational Behavior Therapy is a fan of my work -- as are a number of other eminent people in psychology and science. Plus, I write humor. I'm reminded of the Dave Barry quote from a week or two ago, on how few editors would have had the guts to run him if he'd started writing now. If you think my column sucks, I can respect that as a reason to let it go. If it's just that it isn't namby pamby enough...well, no wonder dailies are losing younger readers right and left. -Amy Alkon
ANOTHER THOUGHT: If I were an editor, I would see a controversy about something in a column or article as an opportunity. Maybe let a reader write a counterpoint to my column, or run a whole page of points and counterpoints. Imagine that, a daily newspaper starting a discussion instead of trying to silence one. Well, you'll have to imagine that, because so few are willing to make that their m.o. That's why my column runs mostly in alt weeklies, where they aren't afraid of a little debate -- and even see creating it as part of their job.
I agree, it is depressing. Maybe some of these people should avoid reading and stick to what they know to avoid any possible mental stimulation that my make them break into a polite sweat. Honesty, injected with a little humour is refreshing. I think those sanctimonious self-righteous grey-underwear-wearing, frustrated time-wasters (do these people have jobs?) just need a good rogering...if they know how.
Elena at January 6, 2005 8:43 PM
Amy --
I liked your note to the publisher. You have good reasons to be as proud as you are of your work. I hope they don't drop your column. Those college kids in Ithaca need a really good laugh (and really good advice) on a regular basis!
Your biggest fan,
Lena
Lena at January 6, 2005 10:37 PM
Such is life Amy. I've been lamenting the loss of your column in West Michigan for several years now. I first came across your column in "The Paper", a now defunct independent free paper from the Grand Rapids area meant to be advertiser supported. (I've heard rumors it might resurface, but if it has, I haven't seen it)
My girlfriend and I absolutely loved the combination of your biting sarcasm with levelheaded, tell-it-like-it-is, real-world advice. We were both bummed when "The Paper" suddenly disappeared. I knew such a column was unlikely to be picked up by anything mainstream in fundy W. Michigan. (Good lord, we still have a completely separate Religion section in our Sunday paper!)
It wasn't until we finally got broadband that I tracked down your web site and the few leftover columns that you post (for which I am eternally grateful).
If you know any papers in this area that publish your stuff, I'd love to hear about it. Don't ever stop being yourself in your column. SOMEBODY in this country has to be able to dish out the painful truth while still being funny. How refreshing!
Jeff R at January 7, 2005 4:45 AM
Thanks -- means a lot!
Amy Alkon at January 7, 2005 4:47 AM
Amy,
As near as I tell, this is the norm in all media these days - movies, TV,and publishing, in particular. Things are so competitive because advertisers now have so many options that any medium that owes its existence to ad revenue is fraught with risk-averse, uncreative bureaucrats.
Ideas that dissent from mainstream views have smaller audiences from which to draw, which means ambitious and visionary contributors have fewer sponsors from which to choose. In trying to get my book published, I've encountered so many pinheads I feel like I could fill a pin cushion.
In the end, our mission is to find the bright mavericks who are willing to buck the industries. Eventually, since we know our ideas are sound and valuable, and quitting is not an option, all will fall into place.
I hope your campaign to get back on in Ithaca works out. Even if it doesn't, don't worry - word is spreading. Keep up the good work!
EC
Chris Wilson at January 7, 2005 7:12 AM
The problem is, people who read my column don't necessarily read my blog.
Amy Alkon at January 7, 2005 9:12 AM
(former Ithacan, now in San Jose)
If things don't work out with the Ithaca Journal, try the Ithaca Times, which is a decent "alt weekly".
Doug at January 7, 2005 12:12 PM
Thanks -- but they've never been willing to run me. I always try to get in the alt weekly first in a particular town, then if they won't have me, I'll get in the daily. The problem right now, which I didn't really consider when I posted this, is that there's a different audience for my blog and for my column. Where my column runs in the paper, people see no reason to come to my site (since I post columns very late, so as not to compete with the papers, and they've already read them long before). If you know any Ithaca bloggers, or others in Ithaca, it would really help if you could pass on the news.
Amy Alkon at January 7, 2005 4:46 PM
THIS WORLD NEEDS THE TRUTH SPOKEN AND WRITTEN.
NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!
It seems everyone is behind you.
so CHARGE!!!
james malina at January 7, 2005 5:09 PM
Sorry, but in all honesty, after viewing that quote in context, I still see it as horrible advice. I will not be complaining.
Mickey at January 7, 2005 9:05 PM
Why do you assume it is OLD ladies and church people who complain about such things? Young males also have the capacity to be jerks about such things. Most liberal church people would agree with your perspective, and conservative, fundie church people wouldn't read you. Plus most of the latter only consider sex special when it makes another fundie baby within a heterosexual marriage.
Bunnie Watson at January 7, 2005 9:35 PM
damn shame, i was living in fall creek up til july
mobius at January 7, 2005 10:36 PM
In recent years, you have two kinds of folks in journalism - those who care about news and ideas and those who care about ratings/readership because it correlates with ad revenue. The latter group holds total power over the former. When people complain, the contributors responsible (that's you, Amy) suddenly emerge on the radar screen of the businessmen. Given the choice between a controversial writer who is perceived to decrease readership and a safe bore, the status quo wins with the suits every time. This is the sickening reality of our times. But all is not lost.
The tides are shifting. The gatekeepers who have for decades controlled the flow and format of information in our world are losing credibility and influence by the second. This is why I say that you need not worry too much, Amy. I predict this will be the year of the blog, when the free market of the blogosphere overtakes mainstream media, including local papers. Popular blog sites are already earning pretty insane ad rates - Daily Kos gets $8000 per month for ads!
My point is simply that it won't be too long before your online work has more credibility than your print work. To get ready, I'd suggest a separate section of your site where you post your columns. No comments - just publishing. Then, we can hash them out in comments in this section. That way, users new to the blogosphere don't have to contend with the dialog if all they want is something analogous to what they see in print.
Lastly - Hugh Hewitt (gasp, conservative Christian) is out with his book, Blog: Understanding the Information Reformation That's Changing Your World. I haven't read it yet, but indications are that it's going to say basically the same thing.
So chin up and fuck the idiots. They're time is passing.
Sorry so long...
EC
Chris Wilson at January 8, 2005 1:29 AM
But, Mickey, if you think it's bad advice and it were allowed to run, you would be free to complain about it. That's called "free expression" -- and it's something daily papers are TERRIFIED of. Moreover, what's wrong with the notion that sex isn't special. It isn't, necessarily. Depends who you have it with. Same as grocery shopping. Is it special? Well, that depends who accompanies you when you do your grocery shopping.
My columns ARE up on my site. Perhaps I need to be a little more diligent about posting them. Sometimes a week goes by when I don't change the column. See my home page and the "new columns" section.
Amy Alkon at January 8, 2005 7:11 AM
I'm an idiot.
Chris Wilson at January 8, 2005 7:17 AM
It is easy to discredit something because it is difficult rather then objectively understand why that idea was set in place.
It was irresponsible and stupid to challenge and provoke a discussion when you didn't have any point of reference other then your own experiences (by which measure you may or may have not have been defending your own past and were or were not able to influence your 'viewpoint' on your current partner, if you have one..) or from the experiences of others who did not have successful relationships...
As far as we can see history has NEVER recorded any examples of what you describe creates a "better" life hence the model we currently hold "sacred".
If sleeping around indiscrimatly and then choosing one person to find safe harbor from ones own self-destructive sexual tendencies was the best way to go about doing things IT WOULD HAVE BEEN RECORDED AS SUCH, as it stands it cause more problems then it would ever fix thus is NOT acceptable.
Food for thought that 1.) you didn't close your mouth before chewing and 2.) didn't swallow before inhaling and trying to speak...
Stick to picking curtain colors.
Higher Humanity at January 9, 2005 2:09 AM
Yes, it's easy to discredit something because it is difficult rather than objectively understand what that idea was set in place.
You're doing it right now.
You assume I write from my experience alone. Hah. My house is cluttered with journals and journal articles by psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists, and the like. My column is base in data. I just try to write it so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to seem like some miss smartiepants.
The model you hold sacred, let me guess -- it has something to do with religion and the idea of women as property. Chastity (read Rian Ensler) has always been a commodity. This girl is going through -- and went through -- a phase. Why is having a lot of sex (if one isn't brainwashed out of using condoms by the abstinence only propagandists -- whose teachings lead kids to wait to have sex but then have unprotected sex later) necessarily bad?
Interesting that you don't bother to write in your own name. My name and face go on everything I write (although some papers prefer not to run my picture). Why are you so afraid to stand behind what you say?
Chances are, if your name were on it, the curtains remark wouldn't be. That's the difference between people like me and yellow sneaks like you. I not only write challenging stuff, I put my name everything I write so everybody knows where to address their criticism -- which I'm always interested to read. And that goes for comments on people's blogs, too. If I'm going to flame you, you're going to be able to trace the flames right back to me. That's called having ethical standards.
Moreover, I would contend that I offer many, many better ways to live. If you'd like to provide specific criticism of my various viewpoints, with your name on them, I'd be happen to explain, and give you all my data sources. Higher humanity? Right. No wonder we're all up shit's creek.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2005 3:16 AM
Isn't saying "sex isn't special" just a way of saying it's natural, normal, fundamental, yawn, etc, zzzzzzzzzzz.....
Lena isn't special either at January 9, 2005 5:18 AM
Exactly. It isn't necessarily special -- although it could be. I bet everybody who commented here, including the anony-weenie, has had at least one occasion of unspecial sex. I especially love the lie that the best sex is in a marrriage. You could have absolutely fantastic sex with a stranger you meet on a train and never see again. That's the truth. Rather unpopular, unfortunately!
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2005 5:36 AM
These days, the most SPECIAL sex that I have is with a closeted bisexual man. He walks through the front door and it's like WHAM -- the clothes hit the floor. We usually have interesting conversations afterward too.
Lena, the Infectious Diseases Epidemiologist at January 9, 2005 6:01 AM
I'm a college student and love your column. It's too bad that people can't open their eyes and see the truth in your advice. When I read the column in question, I burst out laughing because I have never heard that said about sex before, but it couldn't be more true. Since I live in a backwards state (Oklahoma), that doesn't run your column anywhere that I am aware of, I will continue reading it on Creators.com. Keep up the great work!
Casey at January 11, 2005 6:01 AM