Revenge Is The Best Revenge
A note to Mr. Big Wheels, the white-bearded white dude who tried to run me off the road: I know you think you're a BIG MAN up there in your huge, SUV-style pickup, but maybe you'll think twice next time before you pick on the girls in the little cars.
It's morning in Venice, and I'm taking my microscopic Yorkie, Lucy, to the firing squad, uh, groomer (that's how she sees it when we walk in the door, then everything changes when everybody coos about how beautiful she looks afterward, the damn diva). Anyway, I'm on a short, narrow, residential street -- not too narrow for two normal-sized cars to pass -- but too narrow for a girl in a teenie weenie hybrid (my Honda Insight) and a big, black gigundo-mobile. Because I'm further along down the street than he is, the polite thing would be to let me get through the last third of the street, then be on his way. But, surprise, surprise, he doesn't do the polite thing. Instead of acting the gentleman and waiting his turn, he barrels through, and then swerves at my car to show me who's boss: Dangerous, mean, aggressive driving.
But, what's the girl in the little hybrid to do? Ooops! Picked the wrong girl! I actually wasn't quite sure what I could do, but he looked old and architecture'y, not armed and dangerous, and I always have my digital camera on me. Who knows...maybe just photo his plate and report him to the cops, and let him worry a little why the girl who's supposed to be terrified of such a BIG man in his BIG truck is following him.
I trailed him to the big boulevard, then he turned left. I went straight (didn't see him turning thanks to the delightful, house-sized Hummer in front of me), but I know the neighborhoods, so I turned left, cut through and eventually cut back to the boulevard he'd turned onto. Drat! I thought I'd lost him. Then I saw. He'd been pulled over by a highway cop! The cop was standing by his bike, writing the creep a ticket. "Oh, yoo-hooo...officer"...I got out, holding Lucy in my arms, dressed all girly, as always (which probably made the guy look that much more the aggressive pig), and told the officer my story. The guy glowered at me from within his truck as I stuffed the huge grin on my face into my itsy bitsy car and drove off.
Wow, I am so proud of you. I love that!!!! Ok, here's my big question: How do you like your Insight? Why not the Prius? I am about to buy myself a brand new car after driving a Camry for 9 years (it's going to my college-graduating son this spring). Why is it so hard as hell to pick out a car? How did you DO it? And if one more car salesman asks me what my husband does for a living I will kick him. Grrrrrr.
Please Amy, be my car advice goddess.....
Diana Connolly at February 13, 2005 12:06 PM
I LOVE IT! I am a design hoor, and the Prius was simply too ugly. Also, the Insight is a two-seater, the perfect car for a misanthrope like me, and it gets better mileage. I think it looks like a car out of some old Tom Swift story.
They're hard to find, but dealernet.com should help you locate them. There might be more now than there were when I was buying mine (August/September) because the 2005s are out, but I had to get a California dealer to import mine from Texas (because buying it yourself from out of state, if you're a California resident, means you have huge registration fees).
The salesman who got mine for me was Gil Tutone at Power Honda in Valencia, if you need to know somebody who can make the deal for you. Not everybody knows how or will do the extra work. I paid a fair price, too -- MSRP -- not some huge markup like people do for the Prius.
PS The Insight doesn't have a lot of trunk space, but I am just one girl with one tiny dog, and all I haul is my ass and my computer, so that's not a problem for me. I do manage okay when I go to Costco, but the hidden trunk space is small because the battery is in the hatchback part of the car.
Here's a link to a photo. See...very sci fi!
http://www.auto-sfondi-desktop.com/Wallpapers_Honda_/Honda-Insight/Honda-Insight-02/Honda-Insight-02_1024.jpg
Amy Alkon at February 13, 2005 12:26 PM
PS Also, the Honda Insight, unlike the Accord or Camry hybrids, was specifically designed to be a hybrid, not retrofitted, so it gets better mileage. Also, I got hit by a hit-and-run driver in the parking lot at Whole Foods, and the damage, considering how hard you see the guy hitting me on the videotape (not to worry, I am after him and working to see him get squashed like a bug by a prosecutor)...anyway, the damage would probably have been much more on a car that wasn't so well-designed. I LOVE THIS CAR!
Oh, a fringe benefit on the size of my car: I went for a TV host audition the other day, and the building where it was happening was pretty much parking-spot free. I would have been very late except for the fact that my car will fit comfortably into a mere SUGGESTION of a parking place! Being very immature, I laughed at the SUV that was probably still driving around and around looking for a spot when I came back out.
Amy Alkon at February 13, 2005 12:30 PM
Gee - aren't you just the cutest little thing.
Tell you what, next time you are driving down the road and you see a Hummer - it just might be someone who reads this Blog and hates bitches - the two legged as well as the four legged kind.
a cat lover
bob at February 13, 2005 5:40 PM
Bob, I thought you said your name was Seb.
Doug at February 13, 2005 6:21 PM
Touché, Doug!
Bob...yes, and I see a Hummer...and?
Am I supposed to be cowering in fear? Please advise.
Amy Alkon at February 13, 2005 6:35 PM
Don't know if this piece of writing was true or not but it was a good piece - happy valentines day.
CEOaf at February 13, 2005 9:25 PM
Absolutely. I have too much real material in my life to go to the trouble to make it up.
Amy Alkon at February 13, 2005 9:26 PM
In defence of the Prius:
You do come to love its humpback form. You can get all the displays in french and the calculations in kM (the latter feature handy for obeying speed limits in .mx).
The B Drive option is confusing at first but once you get the idea, you LOVE cruising down long slopes in B, watching the energy just pump back into the system.
Stu "El Inglés" Harris at February 14, 2005 5:45 AM
Mine has that same display...just slightly different!
Amy Alkon at February 14, 2005 6:42 AM
"In defence of the Prius: You do come to love its humpback form."
So you don't have to go through all the trouble of getting married!
Amy, this will have to be catalogued in the Angeleno Book of Civility:
"Because I'm further along down the street than he is, the polite thing would be to let me get through the last third of the street, then be on his way."
Should the genders of the drivers be factored into this decision? And if both drivers are hot homosexual men, would it be all right just to park cars and let the trousers hit the ground?
Lena-doodle-doo at February 14, 2005 8:11 AM
That would be a footnote.
Amy Alkon at February 14, 2005 8:17 AM
Hello Amy,
great revenge story, congratulations! Something remotely similar happened to me this morning without me getting any.
(Revenge, that is.)
Let me explain.
Some guy in a Mercedes Benz M-Class took a left turn without bothering to use a turn signal as I was crossing the road. Without my protective car around me, of course.
He almost hit me while taking this unannounced left turn, but I jumped back just in time, as I really hate being in a hospital or coffin for months or ever. In accordance with the law (Murphy's),
1. I hadn't witnesses (not to mention cops) of any kind, while
2. Evil Knievel had a front seat passenger for his convenience. Would have made a great witness. "We take this route every morning at the same time, officer. Everybody knows that, so we don't have to use any turn signals. I swear this guy we ran over never crossed this road when we usually got here. Poor guy, didn't even use his pedestrian signals.."
Of course they never bothered to get out of the car in order to say "Sorry, didn't mean to kill you" or "Now I'm wide awake, thank you" or anything. They slowed down a bit, though, scared ****less, I hope. Maybe I could have read their license plate, but I was too busy being glad that I'm alive. (No revenge, as I said.)
And now for the real punchline: All of this happened today on this planet's biggest plant of DaimlerChrysler's, the manufacturer of Mercedes Benz cars! I currently work for them as a freelancer. Thought it wouldn't kill me...
Well, maybe they ran fresh out of crash test dummies, using external suppliers instead...
Happy Valentine's day anyway!
Rainer
Rainer at February 14, 2005 4:21 PM
Evel Knievel would have evilly backed up and broken your appendages with a baseball bat just for making him miss with your well timed leap. The guy at the wheel was probably the union rep who knew you were a freelancer.
allan evans at February 14, 2005 6:58 PM
Gee Bob, for someone who hates dogs, you seem to have no problem acting like a little bitch.
This is for all the people who have been nearly run off the road by some nazi in a big rig. Since you seem to be overcompensating for your little 'hummer' I suggest you keep watching your temper on the road Quickdraw. Amy could be lurking around the corner with a camera phone! ^.~ Lol.
Lia at February 15, 2005 2:02 AM
Hurray for The Bitch on Wheels (T.B.O.W.).
THE Curtis at February 15, 2005 9:52 PM
Leave a comment