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Just Say Ass
Last night, Bill Maher did a hilarious monologue on the suprising successes of the abstinence only movement, the text of which I just stumbled onto on Salon:

New Rule: Abstinence pledges make you horny. A new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take "virginity" pledges of the sort so favored by the Bush administration wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids.

But that's not all -- taking the pledges also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and a boy four times more likely to get anal. Which leads me to an important question: where were these pledges when I was in high school?

Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn star sex the same year I took Algebra II, simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd have been so down with Jesus they would have had to pry me out of the pew.

...Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

Posted by aalkon at April 3, 2005 8:15 AM

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I hate to say this, but Bill Maher is right about the unintended consequences of abstinence pledges. I know more than one girl who has made these exact same compromises in the interest of maintaining her "virginity".... [Read More]

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"Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box."


Posted by: Charlie at April 3, 2005 6:12 PM

I thought it was the putative un-Christian Left that redefined abstinence. After all, wasn't it Klinton who said gettin' a blow job isn't sex?

Posted by: RKN at April 3, 2005 6:33 PM

My daughter's dad gave her a "true love waits" ring and a weekend seminar filled with guilt-inducing pledges. I gave her condoms, and when she asked for it, a visit to the gyno for birth-control pills, and told her to be careful cause having sex with a guy can make you fall in love with him even if he's not worth it. Who's the better parent?

Posted by: anon at April 3, 2005 8:41 PM

Once in a while I visit a friend who works in an abstinence-only program for teens, and it didn't take me long to notice how incredibly unattractive the participants are. In general, the girls have asses the size of SUVs, and the boys aren't exactly lean, mean basketball player types. I really believe that these kids are lured into the program because it allows them to make a virtue of their complete inability to get laid. Nietsche had a lot to say about this kind of self-delusion (see "On the Genealogy of Morals").

Posted by: Lena Cuisina, Postmodern Blowjob Queen at April 3, 2005 10:37 PM


Going over your post too fast, I misread your signature as "Postmortem...". Must be the age (mine).

Frania W.

Posted by: Frania W. at April 3, 2005 10:49 PM

Still, you're young and alert enough to catch your own mistakes.

Posted by: Lena at April 3, 2005 10:59 PM

Anon, you rock. My parents always offered us a taste of liquor or a glass of wine if my dad was having some. Guess who went through four years of college without ever getting drunk?

Posted by: Amy Alkon at April 4, 2005 12:56 AM

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