Are You Well-Hung?
Of course, that's a matter that's between you and...airport security? Well, it will be very soon, it seems, according to Joe Sharkey's business travel column in The New York Times:

I am looking at a copy of an ad that ran in the back of comic books in the 1950s and early 1960s. "X-Ray Specs! See Thru Clothing!" blares the copy, which is illustrated with a cartoon of a drooling geek wearing the amazing toy goggles and leering at a shapely woman.

Now, any kid with half a brain knew that X-Ray Specs were a novelty gag that didn't really work. But time marches on and technology makes the impossible possible. Stand by, air travelers, because the U.S. Homeland Security Department is preparing to install and test high-tech machines at airport checkpoints that will, as the comic-book ads promised, "See Thru Clothing!"

Get ready for electronic portals known as backscatters, expected to be tested at a handful of airports this year, that use X-ray imaging technology to allow a screener to scan a body. And yes, the body image is detailed. Let's not be coy here, ladies and gentlemen:

"Well, you'll see basically everything," said Bill Scannell, a privacy advocate and technology consultant. "It shows nipples. It shows the clear outline of genitals."

The only thing it can't spot, according to one security expert, is weapons people hide between rolls of flab. Oops! I guess that's something the Homeland Security geniuses shoulda thunk of before they invested in a pile of expensive machinery! (Then again, it's only taxpayer expense we're talking about.)

I'm sorry to say I can't be even a tiny bit optimistic about the TSA getting smarter or more efficient. At this point, they can't even get it together to tape up hand-written signs on typing paper, telling you to hang onto your boarding pass while you go through the metal detector. How many times do they have to hear, "Oh, I had no idea, it's in my carry-on" and watch the line back up into another county until that idea occurs to them as well?