To The Manners Rented
Mireya Navarro writes in The New York Times that some of the curs among us are being sent back for etiquette lessons. Well, to their credit, they're sending themselves:
Although there are no hard numbers on this, the etiquette industry (if that is the proper term) appears to be enjoying a sort of renaissance, if not a neo-Victorian age. Instructors, many of them working individually with clients as "etiquette consultants," almost uniformly say there is a growing demand for their services.The upsurge, they say, is being driven not just by parents who want their children to eat without repulsing dinner guests. More adults are also signing up for etiquette instruction. It is even a subject of higher education; colleges are increasingly offering etiquette seminars.
Motivations vary. Some clients believe that sharpening their social skills - how they hold a fork, enter a room, make conversation - will make them feel more confident. Others hope that a bit of social grace will give them an edge in the competition for jobs and dates, help them stand out among the barbarians.
Then there are those who see mastery of etiquette as another step in a tireless quest for self-improvement. One 35-year-old assistant movie producer, who took private etiquette lessons in March to help advance her career, said the move had already paid off. Rather than sitting in the car while her boss holds court over lunch in the Beverly Hills Hotel, she says she now joins the business meetings with the self-assurance of a Donald Trump.
The producer, who spoke on condition of anonymity - "How does it look that I had to pay for manners?" - said she aspired to be as elegant as the actress Grace Kelly and as prepared for company as if she were to meet the Queen of England. She said her boss now treats her more as an equal.
"If you think of all the money you spend on clothes and makeup, why not have a manners makeover?" she asked.
In two two-hour sessions, the producer said, she learned to sit properly by locking "your ankles so your knees are not spread apart" and resting her hands on her lap.
"What comes with all these techniques is a certain confidence, that confidence that says you're as good as anybody else," she said. "You walk taller. You command respect. I can drink my tea and be comfortable and not have that nagging thought in the back of my head that I don't belong here."
Yesterday, I waiting in line at a store while a guy yammering into a cell phone deigned to hand his credit card to the girl behind the register, not ever speaking a word to her throughout the entire transaction. When I said something to her about it (after saying, "Hello, how are you?" etc.), her response: "You're not from around here, are you?" Apparently, about half her customers are that rude. Scary.
Here is my etiquette question:
What do you reply to a kid who you have never really met, but you worked with her parent a decade ago, when she sends you a high school graduation notice with the suggested gift reccomendations and the places where this 17 year old who performed the minimum is registered?
This happened to me in June, and I stewed but ignored replying.
Or how about the distant cousin who is getting married and wants a complete Calphalon set?
eric (still at work on a Friday night...) at August 19, 2005 9:34 PM
I find such occasions wonderful opportunities to get rid of excess friends and relatives by gleefully tearing up the rude demands and using them to line the recycling bin.
Amy Alkon at August 19, 2005 11:30 PM
My mom drilled "manners" into us from the time we could sit up (in addition to proper grammar). Yet she was often very rude to sales clerks which used to embarass the hell out of me. As a result, not only do I know which fork to use (because of her), but I also try to treat everyone I encounter as a human being deserving of common courtesy (in spite of her).
People on cell phones are the worst, grand Poohbahs in their own private Idaho's. I really wish CA would pass a "no cell phone while driving" law. Every time these days I see someone pull a bonehead maneuver in their car they've got that cell affixed to the side of their head.
deja pseu at August 20, 2005 7:33 AM
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