Bread For Head
One British man out of 11 has paid to get laid says a study in, now don't laugh...the journal, Sexually Transmitted Infections:
The findings are based on two national surveys on sexual habits, conducted among 6000 British men aged 16-44 in 1990 and among 4,700 in 2000.In 1990, 5.6 per cent of the men said they had paid for sex at some point during their lives, with 2 per cent saying they had done this within the previous five years, and 0.5 per cent within the previous year.
A decade later, the comparable figures were nearly double.
In 2000, almost 9 per cent of men said they had paid for sex, while 4.2 per cent said they had done so in the past five years, and 1.3 per cent in the previous year.
Those who in 2000 said they had paid for sex within the previous five years were typically aged between 25 and 34, were single and living in London.
"A significant proportion of men in Britain pay women for sex, and ... this proportion is increasing," say the authors, led by Helen Ward, an epidemiologist at Imperial College London.
I have no problem at all with prostitution. It's a fair exchange of money for services. The service, of course, to drag out the cliché, is leaving afterward. But, seriously, for years, I'd advised an old boyfriend to see "escorts." He'd have sex with these girls he just wasn't interested in having a relationship with. He's in one of those fields where women get dollar signs in their eyes just hearing about it. Every three months or so, he'd have one of them pounding on his door at 3am, "Does nothing we had together mean anything to you?" (Answer: "Not really, no.") Each time, I'd yell at him for being unethical -- not for having sex, of course, but for fooling somebody into it. Finally, finally, I convinced him to pay for it. He called me the day after, somewhat mad: "Why didn't you make me do this sooner?"
Lots of people who are very patient with prostitution conceptually would suddenly turn angry if Hugh Grant were getting blown at the curb by their driveway on a school night.
Crid at December 2, 2005 9:21 AM
Only because the sexual act (not the transaction) is not the sort of the thing that is acceptable to do in public places in most communities. Condemning behavior solely because it *might* be done at an inappropriate time and place would be an overreaction.
Alan at December 2, 2005 10:09 AM
I think that's true whether it's for pay or not, Crid. You take the illegality out of prostitution, and maybe people aren't doing it curbside anymore.
Amy Alkon at December 2, 2005 11:04 AM
take it away from curbside? Then how can it be done in the 20 minutes that the Mrs. is at the supermarket?
Jake at December 2, 2005 5:33 PM
Maybe there shouldn't be a Mrs., or if there is a Mrs, she should be a wiser Mrs.; i.e., after you get married is not the time to discontinue services being provided prior to marriage.
Amy Alkon at December 2, 2005 8:15 PM
"Maybe there shouldn't be a Mrs., or if there is a Mrs, she should be a wiser Mrs.; i.e., after you get married is not the time to discontinue services being provided prior to marriage."
That reminds of that excellent movie line, "Ah, monsieur, to have a mistress, that is very French. To be caught at it, now - that is very American." I can't remember where I heard it.
Radwaste at December 2, 2005 9:47 PM
I'd have less problem with prostitution conceptually and in practical terms if the one close male friend who confessed to a "significant" interaction with a woman one hot weekend in Cuba didn't stoutly claim it had been "very, very special" for her. (A claim made dubious by the intimate details of the weekend). There seemed to be some fudging of the honest money for honest services aspect.
Though it's just one anecdote. Possibly this part is always perfectly clear to everyone else.
Jody Tresidder at December 3, 2005 6:32 AM
If she consented willingly and made money, why is there a problem? Everything in life doesn't give you a warm "special" feeling. In fact, very few people do their jobs because they make them feel "special." I don't think human rights includ the right to feel "special" either.
Amy Alkon at December 3, 2005 7:42 AM
I'm all for legalizing it. I think it's a gross generalization to say that the only thing men care about is getting laid, but it's certainly true to say that SOME men only care about getting laid. I say let them go pay for it and get out of everyone else's hair.
For the hotties like Amy's friend, that means he can quit misleading women in order to get sex, and he won't have any more of them banging on his door at 3:00 am.
The awkward nerd with limited social skills and a big paycheck won't have to marry some Buffy (who wouldn't have looked at him twice in high school) and fork over his entire paycheck in exchange for sex once a month and a house crawling with kids and a minivan parked in the driveway.
Great idea.
Pirate Jo at December 3, 2005 7:53 AM
Because her willing consent and the financial arrangement clearly weren't satisfactory on their own to my friend's perception of the deal. His ego/middle-class conscience/upbringing required him to recast it in mutually satisfactory emotional terms. He was buying her gymnastic enthusiasm - certainly he'd never had it so good before or since! - but HE was the one determined to conclude it was "special" and more than a punter job for her.
As I said, ONE anecdote: but it was clear that he was the one adding mental gymnastics after the fact to avoid any taint of exploitation (god forbid!).
Jody Tresidder at December 3, 2005 7:59 AM
There seemed to be some fudging of the honest money for honest services aspect.
Eh? Sounds to me like in addition to providing the guy great sex, this hooker managed to convince him it was something special for her, which made it even more enjoyable for him. She's not just a great hooker, she's a great actress, too! I hope she charged double. As long as the two of them were willing participants and agreed on the price, so what?
Pirate Jo at December 3, 2005 8:01 AM
Oh yeah, it's damned irritating to see some pompous jerk rewrite history and convince himself he was the best lay some chick ever had. (And out of how many!) But look at it this way - a hooker can charge him a fortune to stroke his ego (and whatever else) and the rest of us don't have to put up with him.
Pirate Jo at December 3, 2005 8:06 AM
Pirate Jo,
I agree with part of your comment - kudos to her indeed for her "professional skill" and minus points to him for so easily believing that a Cuban single mother (and otherwise jobless trained teacher) had released her sex vixen side through the liberating and lucrative alternative career of prostitution.
Win-win all round, really.
Jody Tresidder at December 3, 2005 8:21 AM
Jody, I agree - I doubt the out-of-work teacher/single Cuban mother is crazy about having to sleep with delusional men for money as a way to make ends meet. (Releasing her sex vixen side - haw!) But is throwing her in jail for doing it going to be any more lucrative or liberating? Would you rather see her with NO way to make ends meet? (Until she finds another teaching job?) It stinks that she doesn't have more economic opportunities, but you can most likely blame the Cuban government for that - they make even the quasi-socialist United States look like a libertarian, free-market paradise.
Pirate Jo at December 3, 2005 9:22 AM
Pirate Jo,
I definitely thought the Cuban ex-teacher was making the flexible best of a cruddy local economic situation. Jail? No effing way on earth!
My starting point in this was simply exasperation that my friend needed to tart up a supply-and-demand situation with a load of self-serving dross which made even "Pretty Woman" look like thoughtful social commentary.
Jody Tresidder at December 3, 2005 9:47 AM
I don't think hookers would get too much repeat biz if they filed their nails during sex and asked "Are you done yet?"
Amy Alkon at December 3, 2005 11:46 AM
Filing nails during business hours is probably harmful for this business... Plus, the Cuban teacher's professionalism is not limited to selling gymnastic enthusiasm (well put, Jody :-). In other words:
"A bad whore makes you feel that you have wasted your time and your money. A good whore makes you feel that it's a great thing to be alive. I'm a good whore."
Before anyone asks: No, I didn't say this. Sam Peckinpah did. It's not an exact quote, but I remember him mumbling these words near the end of "Passion and poetry", the documentary on Sam's life I saw a couple of months ago. I can only guess he was referring to the business of directing movies...
Rainer at December 5, 2005 4:52 AM
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