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Are You A Drooling Dipshit? Check Yes or No.
I can't remember if I've posted on this before, or just read about it, but you gotta love the U.S. Non-Immigrant Visa application they give out on the plane to non-citizens entering the U.S. One of the Scandinavian guys sitting near me on the plane showed me the questions on his form, which he found hilarious, and which I photographed.

nonimmigvisa2.jpg

I was worried that it was illegal to publish this, then I found the whole form right here on the Internet -- for anybody who needs a little remedial education to know whether they should tell the guy with the buzz cut at Customs that they might be carrying the Avian flu or that they're just taking a little mini-vacation from the rigors of running a child prostitution ring in Thailand.

Posted by aalkon at February 19, 2006 11:15 AM

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Comments

The purpose of the form is probably just so they can nail you for perjury if you lie. Nothing like piling on the charges to make deportation easier.

Or maybe I'm assuming more intelligence than I should of our civil servants.

Posted by: Shivering Timbers at February 19, 2006 10:28 AM

FYI, I got seriously felt up in Holland. The woman was kind of hot, too. She did everything but grab my crotch. Let's just say she knows my bra size. They have very, very smart people asking you questions there, too, if you're traveling internationally.

Intra-Europe, however, nobody asks you shit. Not this time, not in recent years. When I went from France to Germany for a conference a few years back, traveling with my dog, I got off the plane nervous about presenting her papers, which I'd had translated into German and certified and stamped by the USDA. Not only did nobody look at my dog, nobody asked me for so much as a business card, let alone a glimpse at my passport. I get more scrutiny by the door guard at Target.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at February 19, 2006 11:00 AM

Back in the early 80s, I flew from Belfast to London just a few days after the IRA blew up Lord Montbatten's yacht. Needless to say, as a denim-clad kid with a knapsack, I was very seriously frisked in the airport. They totally got up into my hot young buttcrack. It was a FANTASTIC experience.

Posted by: Lena at February 19, 2006 11:07 AM

The same problem exists with Form 4473, that relic of the Brady Act (never effective in 18 states, BTW) guaranteed to cut gun crime. Guess what: nobody was prosecuted for lying on the form, because such a form is coercive. Nobody is allowed to check to see whether you have been treated for mental illness, even today.

Posted by: Radwaste at February 19, 2006 11:47 PM

They've toned things down since the '70s, when the visa application form asked "Do you advocate the overthrow of the United States Government?".

The medical questions took up 3 sides of paper and included, for women, "When was your last menstrual period? Was it [ ] Normal [ ] Light [ ] Copious (check one)?"

Hope you didn't throw up on the helpful swedes.

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at February 20, 2006 8:46 AM

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