The Toad Less Traveled
New Advice Goddess column just went up; a letter from a girl dating a weenie who constantly puts himself down and has gone five dates without jumping her. Here's an excerpt from my reply:
Losers are not born but sentenced by a jury of their mean little peers. Once high school ends and the “cool” kids are busy getting hired and fired by 7-11 or making bail, what keeps somebody a loser is simply believing he is one and acting accordingly. Last month, I got a slew of e-mails from a male reader whose back had seen more stiletto action than the carpet at Jimmy Choo shoes. I responded time and again with detailed directions off Planet Loser, but the guy couldn’t help himself, and each story of his use and abuse was more pathetic than the last. Finally, patience not being one of my several virtues, I wrote, “Just go to a bar tonight and pretend you have dignity!” He did. The next morning, he e-mailed: “YOU! CHANGED! MY! LIFE!” All it took was a slight change in message: “I want to be your date” instead of “I want to be your dog.”Pathetic is easy. In fact, it can be a form of sloth. Take your guy. Unlike all those other men, sweating to be what women want, he just curls up in his trusty old fetal position, resigned to the fact that it isn’t him. Now, maybe you can tunnel him out of Dudville by telling him to kill the hard un-sell and hammering into him that whatever he’s got, that’s what you want. Somebody’s gotta do all the work, why not you? Speaking of which, he’s probably one of those guys who waits for a woman to jump him. Taking charge is a great idea -- unless you’re a woman who’s looking to land a man. In that case, your best bet is flirting yourself dizzy to let him know it’s safe to make a move. In time, say by date eleven, when you’ve worked your way up to an erotically charged hug, it might become clearer whether you’ve got a man on your hands or just a big girl’s blouse with men’s bathroom privileges.
The entire column is here. And here's a reminder: If I'm not in your local paper, and you want to read me in it, please email the editor and ask. Even the Puritans sometimes bow to reader interest!
This is undoubtedly one of your more useful columns. The detailed information on the psyche of the loser is something I think everyone needs. Gay people, I've noticed are particularly vulnerable to this. After all, it's especially easy to consign a gay person to loserville. Just remind them that they're sick perverts and that God hates them and they will spend all eternity in hell. You'll always find supporters to jump in on the bandwagon.
Patrick at February 5, 2006 6:29 AM
Most interestingly, on CNN this morning, when they went through the inane fan mail from views, they printed a letter saying the himbo anchor Rick Sanchez was "HOT!" It turned out to be from a guy named Greg. I thouight that was very progressive for them -- in terms of what you typically see on mainstream news.
Amy Alkon at February 5, 2006 7:29 AM
"i wanna be your dog" worked for me!
iggy pop at February 6, 2006 8:46 AM
"Detailed Directions Off Planet Loser" would be a great title for a book of relationship advice for men. I wish someone had given me a copy when I was, say, 22.
Gary at February 8, 2006 8:33 PM
I'm working on a book now!
Amy Alkon at February 9, 2006 5:24 AM
Great work,webmaster,nice design!
James at March 14, 2006 8:58 AM
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