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The War On Common Sense


Even Maxwell Smart had a shoe.

The terrorists have email accounts. It's just our FBI agents who don't:

Budget constraints are forcing some FBI agents to operate without e-mail accounts, according to the agency's top official in New York.

"As ridiculous as this might sound, we have real money issues right now, and the government is reluctant to give all agents and analysts dot-gov accounts," Mark Mershon said when asked about the gap at a New York Daily News editorial board meeting.

"We just don't have the money, and that is an endless stream of complaints that come from the field," he said.

He neglected to mention whether they came in from the field in crayon. But, on the bright side:

FBI officials in Washington denied that cost-cutting was putting agents at a disadvantage.

Shortly after these officials spoke, the bus for learning-disabled children picked them all up and took them to the Quiet Room for milk and cookies and their naps.

Luckily, there's good news on the horizon:

Spokeswoman Cathy Milhoan said e-mail addresses are still being assigned, adding that the city bureau's 2,000 employees would all have accounts by the end of the year.

Maybe if we all cross our fingers, click our red shoes together three times, and wish really hard that no bad men sneak into our country...

Mershon, the assistant director in charge of the agency's New York City office, also said that 100 city agents have been given Internet-ready phones such as BlackBerry devices.

Christine Monaco, a spokeswoman for the FBI in New York, said Monday that all FBI agents can communicate with each other via a secure internal e-mail system, and about 75 percent of the New York office's employees have outside e-mail accounts.

"The outside e-mail accounts have to be separately funded," she said.

Hmmm...where could we possibly get the money? I know! Let's ask Ted Stevens!

Posted by aalkon at March 21, 2006 11:44 AM

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Hell, give 'em all gmail accounts. They're free, and sound vaguely governmental. On the other hand, I don't understand why supposedly covert operatives would want .gov addresses in the first place.

Posted by: Todd Everett at March 21, 2006 5:58 PM

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