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Yesterday's News Today!
The great, snoring LA Times, based in what's probably the plastic surgery capital of the universe, finally discovers vaginal rejuvenation surgery! Today's date: March 13, 2006.

Too bad they didn't have Sandy Kobrin on staff, who published a story on this on November 11, 2004.

It does give me a better understanding of why they continue to refuse to run my column, despite all the emails I get forwarded from people who write to head features editor John Montorio asking to see it in the paper. (That's, if you're among those who'd like to read me locally.)

Perish forbid they'd run a feature by somebody who questions the societal status quo or would tell LA Times readers something they don't already know!

Here's what the judges wrote when I beat then LA Times editorial page editor Michael Kinsley for first place for "Signed Commentary" in the most recent LA Press Club awards -- and for an advice column:

Daily/Weekly Newspapers Over 100,000 Circulation
AMY ALKON - Creators Syndicate. "Ask the Advice Goddess."
Comments: Funny, engaging, insightful, entertaining and, as befits signed commentary, charged with high-voltage personality. Also thought-provoking and well-researched, although the commentary/advice rings with honesty that appears to have welled from within.

"Funny, engaging, high-voltage personality"? Naw, they prefer to run writing a little more along these lines -- just one example of the many dreadful Thursday Calendar "Getting Personal" pieces.

Posted by aalkon at March 13, 2006 10:59 AM

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I know one of the women quoted in the re-do your labia piece and I'm so embarrassed for her. Who actually compares her anything to that of a porn star? Eeewwww....

The Times hates you because you're not cringing enough. To be a columnist there you have to really dislike your life.

Posted by: KateCOe at March 13, 2006 2:37 PM

Well, that's certainly the antithesis of the way I look at my life. I'm reminded of a woman and man I saw on a date at the Main Street/Santa Monica Starbucks last week. They were both tiny and quite old. He was a Polish-Jewish Holocaust survivor, and pretty much blind, I later found out, which is probably why he knocked over his coffee onto the floor. Well, the woman reacted, not by going to summon a Starbucks employee with a mop, but by getting newspapers, putting them down on the floor, and then...doing a little dance on them to mop up the liquid...à la Snoopy in the old Peanuts cartoons.

She just gets it about life -- in a way so few people do. I told her so, which is why I got to know the two of them a little.

All in all, it turned out to be a great day, and just because some little old man spilled a cup of coffee.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at March 13, 2006 2:46 PM

That's a movie moment! (But no, I don't want to see Shirley MacLaine do that exact thing, okay?)

So who in Hollywood is most likely to get her vulva nosed and decked?

Posted by: KateCoe at March 13, 2006 3:32 PM

Well, you're probably best equipped (because you''ve interviewed some of them) to speculate on that. So...speculate away!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at March 13, 2006 4:21 PM

Hey, my story on that same subject ran in the Boston Globe in mid-1999 or thereabouts. I remember the headline was "Designer Vagina." It really helps to read it with a Boston accent: Designah Vaginer. (I also remember thinking, yeow and ick and why oh why when I was reporting the piece.)

Posted by: Lynda at March 13, 2006 10:13 PM

Okay, the "Getting Personal" piece was just so...vapid. It made my brain hurt, and I have no idea what she was talking about. Or maybe I just don't care what she was talking about. Obviously they don't want you over there. You'd stick out like a sore thumb.

My legs are still crossed because of the rejuvenation story, by the way. Ouch, ouch, ouch, no, no, no.

Posted by: Kimberly at March 14, 2006 1:47 AM

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