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God'll Be Right Over, Just As Soon As He Fixes The Dent In Your Neighbor's Car
Some nitwit who's written some religious book had somebody send me a press release -- "God Sends Apostle Edward eHarmony Bride!"

Yeah, right.

I'm sorry, but if there were a god, do you really think god would be busy micromanaging your life? I mean, Sudan, Iraq...there are a few issues in the world that might take priority to your lovelornness, huh?

And how come you never hear about god telling anybody, for example, that they have crappy table manners, they should stop nicking office supplies, and they're a lardass, to boot? Hmmm...maybe because people only make up stuff they want to hear god telling them? Wow...imagine that!

Since we have no more evidence there's an Easter Bunny than we have for the existence of god, let's try the Easter Bunny on for size in all the places "Apostle Edward" says he and his new wife saw god's micromanaging hand:

Palmer began his search for the Easter Bunny's choice of a second helpmate after completing the printing of the book he claims the Easter Bunny gave to him about Christian mythology.

Palmer said: "Once the book was in print, the Easter Bunny said it was time to seek out His chosen mate." After a couple of brief social outings, Palmer joined eHarmony on January 22nd at the Easter Bunny's direction.

Marian was the fourth match he received that very evening. Both were seeking a mate chosen by the Easter Bunny. Within a period of eight days, both knew that they had found the mate the Easter Bunny had chosen for them.

On January 30th, Marian wrote: "I know that I am the one the Easter Bunny has chosen to help you." Edward wrote back: "You and I are beyond just a match from eHarmony. Our match was the Easter Bunny using eHarmony to get the two of us together. My spirit confirms that the Easter Bunny is in our match."

Edward and Marian were married April 2nd in New Hope, Minnesota. They believe their new love from eHarmony is a gift from the Easter Bunny and that it sheds new meaning on Mark 10:9 and Matthew 6:33. "What therefore the Easter Bunny hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

EasterBunny.jpg

Well, he does rival Lucy for cute, I'll give you that!

Posted by aalkon at May 12, 2006 11:52 AM

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Jesus Christ, Amy! You forgot to give us the most important quote from His word: Bunny 3:16 “For the Easter Bunny so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life". Be careful, Amy, the Easter Bunny shall not be mocked!

Posted by: Bill Henry at May 12, 2006 3:16 AM

I, personally, agree with you, Amy, but there's a strong tradition of believing in God (or Jesus, or somebody) as a micromanager. This popular hymn, for instance, is a century old:

Why should I be discouraged
And why should the shadows fall?
Why should my heart be lonely,
And long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion,
My constant Friend is He,
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled;
These tender words I hear;
And resting on his goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
For by the path He leadeth;
But one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

(chorus)

Whenever I am tempted;
Whenever clouds arise;
When songs give place to sighing;
When hope within me dies;
I draw the closer to Him;
From care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

(chorus)


Posted by: Todd Everett at May 12, 2006 9:08 AM

Amy,

You strike me as yet another non-believer who judges Christianity based on a pop culture understanding of Christianity. Ironically, the pop culture version of Christianity is an entirely different religion from what is actually described in the Bible and taught in Reformed denominations.

God doesn't micromanage, and anyone who claims that he does isn't reading the same Bible as the rest of us. In fact the degree to which God exercises his sovereignty is a mystery to all denominations.

But what if God did bring this couple together? Are you saying that an omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God cannot multitask infinitely? The Bible teaches that God not only can multitask, but is without limit to his ability to do so. He can indirectly drive the course of entire nations while simultaneously bringing peace to a broken person's life, all the while holding his fragile creation together.

Yes, people do make stupid attributions to God, but that doesn't mean that God is inactive in people's lives.

Posted by: MikeT at May 12, 2006 1:51 PM

Have you ever read "Your God Is Too Small" by J. B. Phillips?
God can, and does micromanage. Why not? He's OMNIpotent. He can do anything. The best analogy I've heard of is a Persian Rug. On one side is a beutifully formed and colored design. On the other side is a tangle of multicolored threads. We see the world as the tangled threads. God sees the world as a perfectly formed and colored rug.

Posted by: Frank DiSalle at May 12, 2006 2:23 PM

"He can indirectly drive the course of entire nations while simultaneously bringing peace to a broken person's life, all the while holding his fragile creation together."

While holding his abdominal muscles perfectly contracted, of course. I should know. God takes Pilates class with me at Gold's Gym.

Posted by: Lena at May 12, 2006 4:43 PM

There's no evidence of a god. As Carl Sagan said, "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."

Your feeling that there is a god doesn't count. It's merely evidence that you're wasting your capacity as a human for rational thought.

Regarding Frank's silly assumption:

"God can, and does micromanage. Why not? He's OMNIpotent. He can do anything."

Come on, you don't know shit about god. Nobody does. You just believe what you've been told. Instead of thinking up rug metaphors, look down at your opposable thumbs, realize that you're human, and read some Albert Ellis in hopes of learning to think rationally instead of believing all that primitive mumbo jumbo.

Zeus, God, Allah, The Easter Bunny -- they're all imaginary friends. Until you have proof otherwise, you're an idiot to believe in any of them.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 12, 2006 7:50 PM

>>God can, and does micromanage. Why not? He's OMNIpotent. He can do anything.

If God does really micromanage the lives of a few, while allowing billions of others to suffer endlessly from war, famine, disease, rape, poverty, oppression, and murder, then God does not deserve my respect.

>>On one side is a beutifully formed and colored design. On the other side is a tangle of multicolored threads. We see the world as the tangled threads. God sees the world as a perfectly formed and colored rug.

Yeah. That sort of analogy makes perfect sense when your life is the rich, velvety purple thread, and the bitter, cruel gray threads needed to complete the picture are made from the lives of people you'll never meet or care about.

I believe that the widespread misery on this planet cannot be part of any "perfectly formed and colored" whole. It may be part of a whole, but if so it's not a pretty rug, but something more like a Goya war painting.

Posted by: Gary S. at May 12, 2006 8:33 PM

War, famine, disease, rape, poverty, oppression, and murder are all variations on the cruxifixion theme. There is redemption in suffering, you asshole. Didn't you learn ANYTHING in Sunday school?

love,
Jesus H. Christ

Posted by: Lena at May 12, 2006 10:31 PM

"There's no evidence of a god. As Carl Sagan said, 'Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.'"

Of course, Carl Sagan didn't mind ignoring the other edge of his sword: The criteria eliminating the evidence supporting God's existence, also eliminate the evidence supporting God's non-existence. If Sagan will claim God doesn't exist, then he'd better have some extraordinary evidence of his own.

What's that? Sagan isn't doing interviews these days?

Posted by: gus3 at May 12, 2006 11:49 PM

>> Are you saying that an omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God cannot multitask infinitely?

I'm saying there's no such thing as an omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God. Is that the same thing?

>> The Bible teaches....


The bible may have had something useful to say about six centuries ago when there was essentially no such thing as scientific enquiry. It's worse than useless today.

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at May 13, 2006 10:54 AM

While holding his abdominal muscles perfectly contracted, of course. I should know. God takes Pilates class with me at Gold's Gym.

Lena just about made my beer come out my nose.

Posted by: deja pseu at May 13, 2006 7:23 PM

"If Sagan will claim God doesn't exist, then he'd better have some extraordinary evidence of his own."

Don't you see the slippery slope in this, Gus? People could start requiring all sorts of evidence from each other to refute all sorts of ridiculous hypotheses. Can you produce evidence that God does not lick my ass crack on a regular basis? I didn't think so.

Posted by: Lena at May 13, 2006 8:49 PM

The bible says you should not mix fabrics and you should stone your neighbors if they commit adultery. I'd do better getting my morality out of a Scholastic coloring book.

"If Sagan will claim God doesn't exist, then he'd better have some extraordinary evidence of his own."

Sagan is saying, if you're going to make some outlandish claim, you'd better have proof. As Lena points out, proving non-claims is ridiculous. I see no evidence there's a god, and neither do any of you.

Again, the fact that you're sure of it is proof only that you're either arrogant or irrational, or both.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 13, 2006 10:46 PM

"I see no evidence there's a god, and neither do any of you."

Yes. And while that doesn't mean that a god doesn't exist, it also means that we have no good reason to believe in one.

I think a lot of confusion is caused by very loose interpretations of the word "evidence." From Popper's perspective, even strong evidence doesn't mean that you can accept a claim as true. It just means that you can reject the claim contradicting it. You still don't achieve 100% certainty!

Why do we allow strong feelings to stand as evidence? Probably because they're usually accompanied by intense physical sensations. Personally, I think that's a big part of the reason why people stay in really destructive relationships, despite all EVIDENCE that their lives are going down the tubes. Writhing in misery and despair feels a lot more authentic (ie, "true") than working with a few simple facts.

Posted by: Lena at May 14, 2006 9:01 AM

Lena is very wise. I would add that hellish familiarity, for some people, seems safer than the possibilities of the unknown.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 14, 2006 10:33 AM

Being your usual opinionated, intemperate self I found you linked to Pyjamas media, of all places !
While I admire your spunk, I think you are as completely over-the-top in your assertion there is no God as the other lot is - me too - that there is.
Belief is not a question of logic but prejudice - to judge before knowing the facts. When the facts are as we wish them to be - you can't prove or disprove an unknowable - then all you get are "Much sound and fury, Signifying nothing". Good sport, though, hm ?

Posted by: opit at May 14, 2006 11:27 AM

I don't believe in anything, because I see no proof there is a god (or Zeus, Allah, or the Easter Bunny). Only an idiot believes in something without evidence. I find the need to believe in something when there's no evidence it exists pathetic. Deal with the fact that you're going to die someday by living hard while you're here, and maybe making a difference (as your legacy, not as your ticket to an imaginary place called heaven)...and not by wasting your time praying to an Imaginary Friend.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 14, 2006 12:32 PM

Opit, I don't know what you're trying to say here:

"When the facts are as we wish them to be - you can't prove or disprove an unknowable - then all you get are "Much sound and fury, Signifying nothing".

The fact is that I am healthy, and that is how I wish it to be. Why is that "sound and fury"?

All unknowables were not created equal. I don't bother too much with the big unknowables like god or life after death. Many of us are still stuck in the 14th century epistemologically, despite the fact that people have been banging their heads over those issues for centuries. Who the hell cares? I would like us to focus on solving real problems, like infant mortality or illiteracy or malnutrition. God can wait.

Gotta get to work now. Happy mudder's day to y'all. Don't forget to call the old bitch.

Posted by: Lena at May 14, 2006 1:15 PM

I'm a bit pulling Amy's leg here. She's so tied up in semantics and resistance to the "hit 'em over the head" so-called Christians that it's tough going to get past that and merely note, on the most basic level, that everyone acts as if the world is going to continue on its way with some semblance of order and predictability.
The most basic religious thought is that anyone who says he knows what God is is a bit of an ass - so we actually agree. I simply point out that the case for considering that the universe seems to have order as if it were run intelligently should be enough. Oh, no. All sorts of b.s. and bafflegab ensue, she's not having any, nor should it be required. If I choose to do something that she considers insane, well, I'm old and crotchety enough to think maybe I'll survive the experience.
Then again, I'm not convinced that what I think about the operation of the world affects it in any significant way. That goes for the rest of you as well.

Posted by: opit at May 14, 2006 2:06 PM

ahaahhhaaaaaahaaaaa look at that rabbit aahaahhhaaaa

Posted by: Zool at January 19, 2007 9:09 PM

ahaahhhaaaaaahaaaaa look at that rabbit aahaahhhaaaa

Posted by: Dave at January 19, 2007 9:11 PM

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