Extreme Meek Over
I just posted a wimpy guy's guide to dating -- my latest Advice Goddess column. Here's an excerpt from my answer to a guy who secretly pined after a friend for five years:
Oh, the trials and tribulations of the imaginary romance. You’ve spent five years of your life with this woman -- but only in your head. Of course you lack the confidence to contact her now. What are you going to say, that during imaginary sex with her, it’s possible you gave her an imaginary STD?(continued...)When you’re 5, imaginary friends keep you from being lonely. When you’re 25, they keep you from having a life. At the moment, you’re well on your way to becoming that 50-something guy on my boyfriend’s block who’s always sputtering that he'll never be one of those chumps who pays for everything on a date. No, he won’t, because he’s unlikely to ever have one, since he’s too socially constipated to speak to any woman who isn’t a clerk at 7-11 selling him beer. Of course, there’s always that chance a lost hooker will get a flat on his street, see the light in his parents’ garage where he lives, and offer him a freebie in exchange for putting on her spare.
Like this guy, you probably work hard to avoid acknowledging the existence of the weenie within; perhaps by clinging to helpful, action-stopping mantras like “good things come to those who wait.” Sure, they do -- if your idea of a “good thing” is the bus. No, women don’t make it easy for men. Just decades back, they’d flirt to signal to men that they could ask them out without being rejected or maced. These days, women often make it a complete mystery, or seem to be signaling at everybody at all times -- stopping just short of making lingering eye contact with a fire hydrant.
How can you know for sure that a woman wants you? You can’t. If you want a woman, ask her out. If she says no, gather up the remains of your ego, glue them back together, and ask somebody else. Had you done this when this woman came back on the market, you’d either be dating her or you’d have moved on to become a real friend. Instead, you were the friend version of the “funny uncle,” pretending you had platonic intentions while secretly festering with lust.
The rest is here.
"funny uncle" interesting tag. Fitting I think. Like your input/thoughts.
Tige at June 1, 2006 10:31 AM
Thanks...but that wasn't the end. Be sure you click on the link for the rest!
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