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Primitive Nut-Jobs Prepare For The "Apocalypse"
In all seriousness (at least on their parts). But for what religion does to the rest of us, religion can be bust-a-gut hilarious. (If people didn't believe in god, you could still get to the airport 15 minutes before your plane -- remember those days -- and nobody would be trying to look up your ass with their flashlight).

Louis Sahagun writes in the LA Times of religious fanatics, Jewish and Christian, who want to hasten the arrival of "the messiah." Oops...gottta run, I've got an appointment with my witch doctor, then I've got to go pray to Zeus. Here's an excerpt from Sahagun's story:

Bill McCartney, a former University of Colorado football coach and co-founder of the evangelical Promise Keepers movement for men, which became huge in the 1990s, has had a devil of a time getting his own apocalyptic campaign off the ground.

It's called The Road to Jerusalem, and its mission is to convert Jews to Christianity — while there is still time.

"Our whole purpose is to hasten the end times," he said. "The Bible says Jews will be brought to jealousy when they see Christians and Jewish believers together as one — they'll want to be a part of that. That's going to signal Jesus' return."

Jews and others who don't accept Jesus, he added matter-of-factly, "are toast."

...Meanwhile, in what has become a spectacular annual routine, Jews — hoping to rebuild the Holy Temple destroyed by the Romans in AD 70 — attempt to haul the 6 1/2 -ton cornerstones by truck up to the Temple Mount, the site now occupied by the Dome of the Rock shrine. Each year, they are turned back by police.

Among those turned away is Gershon Solomon, spokesman for Jerusalem's Temple Institute. When the temple is built, he said, "Islam is over."

"I'm grateful for all the wonderful Christian angels wanting to help us," Solomon added, acknowledging the political support from "Christians who are now Israel's best lobbyists in the United States."

However, when asked to comment on the fate of non-Christians upon the Second Coming of Jesus, he said, "That's a very embarrassing question. What can I tell you? That's a very terrible Christian idea.

"What kind of religion is it that expects another religion will be destroyed?"

...Over in Mississippi, Lott believes that he is doing God's work, and that is why he wants to raise a few head of red heifers for Jewish high priests. Citing Scripture, Lott and others say a pure red heifer must be sacrificed and burned and its ashes used in purification rituals to allow Jews to rebuild the temple.

But Lott's plans have been sidetracked.

Facing a maze of red tape and testing involved in shipping animals overseas — and rumors of threats from Arabs and Jews alike who say the cows would only bring more trouble to the Middle East — he has given up on plans to fly planeloads of cows to Israel. For now.

What kind of idiot takes this end-of-days shit seriously? There's no proof there's a god, first of all. Well, each to his or her own witch doctor and evil spirits, I guess. Just don't be making fun of people in the "developing world," worshipping non-existent gods. So, your church, temple, or mosque has air-conditioning and cable Internet. If you believe in all this Jesus and messiah on the Temple Mount, you're really no more modern.

Posted by aalkon at June 22, 2006 5:17 AM

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If you look at organized religions (christian and muslim) track record, you'll find that it's been responsible for the deaths of millions. Funny how you don't see hordes of buddhists and hindus murdering each other by the bushel barrels.

Posted by: Rob at June 22, 2006 5:48 AM

It's truly amazing that this "end time" nonsense from the Bi-Bull(2 books of bullshit) Book of Revelation is still with us! How many times over the centuries have the dates given for the end of the world not come true? Maybe Thomas Jefferson said it best in 1825: "It is between fifty and sixty years since I read it [the Apocalypse], and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy nor capable of explanation than the incoherences of our own nightly dreams." Remember folks, Christanity begins at misconception.

Posted by: Bill Henry at June 22, 2006 7:06 AM

"Our whole purpose is to hasten the end times," he said. "The Bible says Jews will be brought to jealousy when they see Christians and Jewish believers together as one — they'll want to be a part of that. That's going to signal Jesus' return."

Jews and others who don't accept Jesus, he added matter-of-factly, "are toast."

I'll never understand Jews who gladly accept money from Xtian "end time" believers who would probably gleefully rise up and slaughter them should the nutjobs that lead them ordain it.

Posted by: deja pseu at June 22, 2006 10:28 AM

You'll notice that although some religious sects revere learning (the Jesuits, the Buddhists), other worship at the Temple of Ignorance - because learning scares them. Their enamy is not some anonymous bureaucrat or a fictional demon invented by their ancestors - it is their willful embrace of ignorance so as to avoid the discomfort of awareness.

"End times" is just another meaningless noise designed to stop thinking. Life on Earth may end in a collision with a big rock - it's happened a bunch of times before (Shhh! Don't tell any fundamentalists!) - but that's gonna be a big whack, and then that's all.

Posted by: Radwaste at June 22, 2006 3:12 PM

Three Scottish nuns just had their insurance revoked -- they had been, Believe it or Not insured against immaculate conception.

Posted by: Franko at June 22, 2006 4:22 PM

Everyone has there own way of thinking about GOD.
YOU listen PEOPLE, I don't go to chruch, I did when I was younger, they are a GOD, Jesus died for our sins. If you don't believe in GOD, who
saved me from drinking 24/7 for many years, I didn't know what panic attacks were. I took 2 meds It didn't help, My doctor said I damaged my
liver bad with scars. When I got home I poped opend a beer took 'bout 3/4 drinks then some thing hit me, I didn't want my beer or volka.
I didn't have the shakes, nor wanted a drink.
It's going on 7 years in November that I haven't drunk any real liquer. GOD in Jesus name has saved me from disaster soooo many times. I feel sorry for the people out there that don't believe.
No i'm not a bible thumber. I know what happened to me, and he has done miracles for me.
Let your enter peace love each other Oh I know it's hard. If you don't love yourself, how can you love others? You must turn the other cheeck I have done this so many times, yes it's hard, but I'm a better women, that won't be down due to others anger.

Posted by: Tish at June 22, 2006 11:27 PM

> If you don't love yourself, how can
> you love others?

By behaving in a thoughtful and principled way. Some of the people who've loved me the most and the best absolutely hated their own lives.

Posted by: Crid at June 23, 2006 2:19 AM

Believe what you'd like to believe.....i have no problem with people and their faith, as long as one doesn't presume to tell ME what to believe. (sort of like fat people taking up half of your seat on the plane) i'm glad that god helped you stop drinking however, i tend to think god was elsewhere on 9/11 when people were jumping out of windows 100 stories up....even though any bible thumping christian would have you believe that god wanted that to happen or that it was gods will....

i was raised in a Christian family. My father was a minister and i attended church every time the place was open. Of course i used to believe the same way that you do....until i figured out how to think for myself....

Posted by: Rob at June 23, 2006 5:46 AM

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