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Close-Call Caller ID


It's not just a car; it's a mobile phone booth with parking privileges!

I was almost in a car crash yesterday afternoon -- while standing perfectly still. I'm a very careful driver, and my M.O. is assuming everybody else on the road is incapable of driving and, at the same time, paying much more attention to their phone call than the road.

I live in a pretty sweet little neighborhood, on a small, residential two-way street with parallel parking, not a thoroughfare. There are kids and pets on my street, and most people seem pretty careful.

I flipped on my turn signal and slowed to a stop -- but the car in my rear-view mirror kept coming. Fast.

This happened once before when I was stopped -- an SUV crashed into me on the freeway when I was standing stock-still in parking-lot-style traffic (and I saw it coming, and not slowing, in my rear-view mirror).

Afterward, my Los Angeles-raised NYC friend Russ Baker gave me the wise advice to hit the horn when I see a driver behind me who looks like they're going to crash into me. I've done that a number of times when I've had more time to react.

Well, this girl (holding her phone in one hand and driving with the other) was coming so fast, and it all happened so fast, I was just paralyzed. She narrowly missed me, swerving wildly around me at the last second. My first impulse was to be glad to be unhit. My second impulse was to follow her selfish, irresponsible ass and yell at her when she got out of her car.

And I did. And yes, I stopped at every stop sign, and no, I didn't speed. And, thanks, I appreciate in advance your concern for my safety, but does this girl look like a gang member or somebody who has a gun in her glove compartment?

The dimwit drove straight home and started unpacking her car. She probably didn't even notice me behind her, turn after turn after turn, because she was too involved in her damn call.

I confronted her, asking, "What if you'd hit me?"

"The insurance would've paid for it," she sniffed.

"What if I got lifelong back pain out of it?" I demanded.

She told me I was "crazy."

Yeah, how nuts, not to want to be injured by some selfish twat in a speeding, half-ton phone booth.

Do you know this girl?


Here's the view from the rear.


Posted by aalkon at August 4, 2006 11:23 AM

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YGG... Unless Greg says no.

Posted by: Crid at August 4, 2006 1:09 AM

"Do you know this girl?"

That's a girl? I thought it was a water buffalo.

Posted by: Lena at August 4, 2006 4:29 AM

I've seen that ASS before.

Posted by: Roger at August 4, 2006 5:08 AM

1. Why are people still using cell phones while driving? I don't have a car, so I miss some of this newfangled idiocy.

2. What happened to apologies? Even if she thought you were crazy, she owed you one.

3. What a fat moron.

Posted by: Brenda at August 4, 2006 5:19 AM


Same thing happened to me yesterday except the guy in his 10 ton BMW SUV was in front of me weaving all over the road. After i passed him, he pulled up next to me at the light (which was a turning lane) and stops right there and asked me if i had a problem. i said "no....i'm just trying to avoid getting in an accident with you since you're weaving all over the road talking on your cell phone". By this time, the light had turned green and i just rolled up my window and drove off.....the people behind him started honking as he was blocking traffic.

That girl needs one of two things....maybe both;

1) A belt.

2) A membership to the gym.

Posted by: Rob at August 4, 2006 6:54 AM


Posted by: BPete at August 4, 2006 6:56 AM

It happens to me ALL the time. It's DUI and should be made illegal. Not only are those morons dangerous, they're totally oblivious -- and self-righteous at that.

Remember I was trying to describe to you what "un thon" [a tuna] is? The wobbly thing in the photo is exactly that.

Posted by: LA Frog at August 4, 2006 7:03 AM

I totally get it. Totally, totally. That's such a great term. And so perfect.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 4, 2006 7:13 AM

Two-Ton Tessie needs more than a belt and a gym membership. She also needs to haul her blubbery haunches over to a exterminator to clear out that natty old rat's nest on top of her fat ugly head.

Posted by: Lena at August 4, 2006 7:31 AM

I feel like I've stumbled into sixth grade. Yes, the woman's an awful driver/idiot. But the comments about her appearance only reflect on the people making them. If this same woman had, say, saved Amy's life after a car accident, all of you would see her differently, or at least keep quiet about it. And, no, I'm not some fatty who talks on my cell phone while driving. I'm just someone who thinks meanness, like cursing, tends to undercut an argument.

Posted by: Elementary at August 4, 2006 8:21 AM

Thank goodness you and she were not injured. This type of thing happens all too often. We all have had similar experiences. I hope she takes something away from this experience and though calling you "crazy" knows beneath it all that DUI is dangerous and is what is crazy. This blog entry should be required reading for all cell phone users. Sheesh, THINK!

Posted by: Recon at August 4, 2006 8:22 AM

Betcha she voted for Kerry.

Posted by: NahnCee at August 4, 2006 9:00 AM

You should send it to the police and tell them that you want to complain about this person. I am sure that next time she gets pulled over for being an ass they might give her a whopping ticket to pay.

Posted by: claudia at August 4, 2006 9:15 AM

Yes, point taken, Elementary however; i guess it wouldn't have been "mean" if she had plowed Amy's backseat into the front would have been stupid and avoidable. i don't think Amy would look very good in one of those neck things....even though i'm sure it would be hot pink....

Posted by: Rob at August 4, 2006 9:42 AM

Elementary: you're right. The overall reaction was mean -- but irresistible. Because that woman's behavior is inexcusable -- regardless of her looks. I guess she "paid" for all the irresponsible morons who keep endangering us on the road -- day in day out.

Posted by: LA Frog at August 4, 2006 9:46 AM

I'm not defending the woman, or bad driving/drivers. (A limousine once plowed into my stopped car and sent it crashing into and under an SUV stopped ahead of me; my last thought as my hood crumpled up to the shattering windshield, "Fuck, I'm gonna be decapitated." Instead months of physical therapy ensued.) I'm just saying that you can and should slam her behavior, which is unacceptable, without ridiculing her appearance, which is irrelevant in this instance. Bringing the argument down to junior high school level doesn't make a stronger argument; it makes one that's more easily ignored or dismissed. OK, I have to drive cross town now. Wish me safe passage.

Posted by: Elementary at August 4, 2006 10:08 AM

I just think if you behave this way, you shouldn't just be allowed to swerve away with impunity. If I give somebody a bad day for driving as if they're the only one on the planet, maybe they'll think twice about it next time -- and maybe tell their equally assholishly driving friends that the price of endangering other people is being chased down by some nut like me...and then photographed for others to see.

I just think part of the reason people don't act as if they're accountable to anyone is that nobody holds them accountable. I do my small part to change that. Plus, after a near death experience, it feels good to blow off a little steam by screaming at the perp.

Although most people don't feel comfortable speaking up like this, as I find when I say something to somebody shouting into their cell in a public place, others are usually grateful and tell me so quietly afterward.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 4, 2006 10:15 AM

I like making fun of fat, unshaven women!

Posted by: Lena at August 4, 2006 10:40 AM

She's not that physically unattractive. She's womanly and fertile-looking. All straight men agree.

But she's crackers! It's worrisome that people go through life thinking insurance fixes things. More likely that her humiliation got the best of her.

Also, a person who offers excuses like that, one who likes short, stupid answers to tough questions, is exactly the sort of person who totes a heater in the glove box.

Listen, every time you post one of these we should get to here Gregg's opinion too.

Posted by: Crid at August 4, 2006 11:13 AM

E.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e. (and I'm not exaggerating here), every friggin time that I see people driving like boneheads these days, sure enough they're blabbing away on their cellphone. Most of the time they're driving yacht-sized Mercedes or SUV's and so would do some damage to those of us in smaller vehicles.

Glad she didn't hit you, Amy!

Posted by: deja pseu at August 4, 2006 11:45 AM

Amy, my motto is exactly the opposite of yours: NEVER ASSUME the other driver is paying attention! I've avoided a lot of accidents that way.

Posted by: cadavra at August 4, 2006 11:45 AM

Going on about that woman's spare tyres is definitely ad hominem, or maybe ad femina, or better yet ad pingua (look it up).

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at August 4, 2006 12:19 PM

Um, cadavra, I was just joking a little about "paying more attention to their phone call," so I would say my motto is the same as yours. I'm a bit taken aback that that statement was that hard for you to get.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 4, 2006 12:27 PM

What's Latin for "Hang up and drive"?

Posted by: Crid at August 4, 2006 12:32 PM

"She's not that physically unattractive."

Crid- she looks like Ron Jeremy got a sex change!

Posted by: eric at August 4, 2006 12:53 PM

She's always spoken highly of your appearance, Eric.

Posted by: crid at August 4, 2006 1:02 PM

Crid- Suspendo sursum quod coegi

Posted by: eric "The Bishop" at August 4, 2006 3:25 PM

Here's the technique that saved my bacon in stop-and-go rushhour traffic:

-- if possible, be in the left- or right-hand lane.

-- stop at least two or three car lengths behind the car in front.

-- while still rolling to a stop, look in the mirror to see if the car behind has clued in that the traffic ahead has halted. (This can quickly be practiced into a habit.)

-- if the car is coming really fast, start ducking out to the shoulder NOW!

-- if the car behind starts stopping but not in time, guage whether you can give it enought room. If so, move up close to the car in front.

The last time I had to use this, the road was wet from light snow. In the mirror, I watched the other driver's face contort with panic as she realized she was going to skid hard into the back of my car. I rolled ahead, and she slid to a stop where my car had been.

Posted by: Lastango at August 4, 2006 3:40 PM

If you think that woman looks fat, you've obviously never been to SW Virginia. She's downright skinny by southern standards.

Posted by: LYT at August 4, 2006 4:07 PM

Amy's story on Blogging L.A.:
[David Markland doesn't sound like a fan...]

Posted by: LA Frog at August 4, 2006 6:19 PM

Yesterday I saw someone yakking on a cell phone who refused to yield (i.e., didn't pay attention enough to know he should yield) to someone coming down an on-ramp too fast- also yakking on a cell phone. Nothing is funnier than seeing two idiots, cell phones in hand, honking and cussing each other out. Pot, kettle, black.

Posted by: dan at August 4, 2006 6:56 PM

For the record, I actually am a fan (as pointed out in the article), but in this instance I think Amy went off her rocker.

Posted by: David Markland at August 4, 2006 11:05 PM

I think Markland is wrong. Like Amy says, people need to face concsequences for bad conduct, or they won't even know it's problem.

Cell phone talk in cars is way out of control. Try it yourself: You might not notice when you're dialing and talking. But when you hang up, your sphere of awareness increases by an order of magnitude. You're not just watching that one car in front of you (and Miss 4TQL963 couldn't even manage that), you're back to seeing the flow of all the traffic.

Posted by: Crid at August 5, 2006 3:02 AM

Crid is exactly right. There's a guy at a Starbucks I go to who used to talk loudly inside. Well, one day, he shouted his name -- "Barry" -- and his phone number into his cell. Baaaad idea. After my deadline, I called him and chewed him out. I still see him at Starbucks, but he now goes outside to make his calls.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 5, 2006 7:51 AM

I think she's hot. Now THAT'S what I call "sugar tits."

Posted by: Mao See Tung at August 5, 2006 1:47 PM

I'm glad Amy's OK, and sorry that the fat reckless driver didn't fatally crash into a pole. Because then her days of endangering other people on the road would be over.

Posted by: Cathy Seipp at August 5, 2006 2:15 PM

Here they go again:
I was getting in my car this morning, in a rush to go somewhere. There was a guy on his cell phone parked right in front of my driveway. He looked at me as I was starting the engine, but didn't bulge. I pulled back as far as I could, and waited. He was still babbling on the phone, totally ignoring me. I horned gently. He shouted:
- "Can't you see I'm on the f--ing phone?!"
- "And you're in front of my driveway, so move on"
- "There's no f--ing parking anywhere"
- "Then get off your f--ing phone and move on -- unless you want to get into trouble."
I must have been growling at that point, because he drove away. I bet he was upset that I dared disturb him.
Helloooo? Is the world walking on its head?!

Posted by: LA Frog at August 5, 2006 3:22 PM

Amy, calling a guy who's shouted his number aloud at a Starbucks is BEAUTIFUL.
Following someone home to chew them out is road rage. I know I've made mistakes on the road, sometimes on my cel. Was I an idiot? Yes. Should cel phones be banned? Yes.
But if someone followed me home, I'd have rammed my car into them before they had a chance to have words with me.

Posted by: David Markland at August 5, 2006 7:35 PM

But, I never would have followed a guy home. It's not only common sense, it's evolutionary psychology 101: men fight with fists; women fight with words (derogation of competitors, blah blah blah). You can call a woman all sorts of names, and she's highly unlikely to haul off and slug you. She'll most likely snipe back. Call a man a pussy, and he's likely to flatten you.

There's this really wrong perception, which I largely base on feminism gone mad, that men and women are the same -- which leads to wrong conclusions like yours above, David, as it pertains to what went on here (a woman following a woman). This isn't to say that this woman couldn't have owned a gun -- the great equalizer -- but I took a look at her and took a calculated risk, thinking to myself that she looked like the odd girl out in the Adat Shalom choir. There are numerous times some gang'y looking person has done me wrong. I just look the other way.

When you say this is "rage" -- that would mean it's uncontrolled. On the contrary, I don't get out of control. I'm not saying it doesn't feel good to let off steam when somebody behaves like this girl does -- just that I can, sorry, pull out at any time. There's a goal here - one: to not let people like her get away with it, so two: they might not hurt or kill you, me, or somebody else.

(To clarify that bit about feminism, I'm all for women having the vote and for equal pay for equal work - which means, if you take time off to have a baby, you don't advance at the same rate as some childless hoor like me).

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 5, 2006 8:09 PM

I get it - as long as you feel the person who cuts you off is weaker, or not much of a threat, its good form to follow them home to "teach them a lesson"... the lesson being that you should be careful of how you drive, otherwise you might get followed home. And at the same time, teaching people that they should be more intimidating when they drive like assholes to keep themselves from being followed home.
Its clear now!

Posted by: David Markland at August 6, 2006 1:10 AM

Come on David, you're just working overtime to try to be right. If I feel a person isn't a physical threat, I'll speak out. And perhaps you haven't seen me in person, but I'm a skinny redhead with big boobs and wrists a little larger than toothpicks. "Intimidating" isn't usually a physical description of me. "Extremely annoying," sure.

Speaking of which, how would that girl be "more intimidating"? She was so engaged in her phone call, she never noticed me following her home. Had she noticed, and even just driven around, I wouldn't have kept following her. That girl is likely to hit somebody. Her car even appeared to have body damage in some of the photos I took. With the light, it's hard to tell for sure, and I like to be sure before I make some allegation so I didn't post that.

I've talked to a couple people on my block about this near miss, and if more agree with the residents I've talked to, and we're going to call (well, I'm going to call -- because I do even the stuff that isn't typically bloggable to try to make my neighborhood safer and more livable) and get speed bumps for three blocks on my street. We have dogs and cats and kids and people on bikes on my block. My car, tiny as it is, comes with airbags. My neighbors' kids bodies don't.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 6, 2006 6:25 AM

One more thing: Perhaps people aren't accountable these days because nobody asks that they be accountable; nobody calls them out on antisocial and dangerous behavior. I'm somebody who gets hate mail for a living a good deal of the time (I recently did a column on two aging lesbians, one of whom was jealous; jealousy being the topic of the column -- not exactly hot horny girls-on-girls action...which is fine by me anyway). I have a letter here from Arizona with "God will soon punish" (me) and "Keep Your Sewer California Pipe Out of AZ" written across a copy of my column - plus an accompanying letter with more of the same. So, being used to letters like this, which I get on a pretty regular basis, maybe I have a little easier time being up front with people, with all this training. That's fine. I'll speak out when I see people behaving as if they came in for a lunar landing (ie, there's nobody on the planet but them) -- providing they look like Adat Shalom's fifth tier choir girl, not gang-banging felons.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 6, 2006 7:20 AM

I googled "Adat Shalom" and find that it's a Jewish "reconstructionist" congregation serving religious people in Washington DC.

What's the connection with dangerous driving habits in Santa Monica?

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at August 6, 2006 8:08 AM

Actually, I'm pretty sure there's an Adat Shalom synagogue in every city with a sizeable population of Jews. My mom attended Adat Shalom in Detroit growing up. I attended Temple Beth El in Birmingham, Michigan -- before I started The Order Of Atheistic Jew Broads -- although I didn't believe in god once I hit, I dunno, 8 or 10 or so, and gave it some thought. But, I was an annoyance even then, working to get the Falashas (black persecuted Jews) out of Ethiopia, etc. The official title was "social action chairperson" or something like that. These days, I guess they just call me "crazy bitch."

Oh yeah, back to your question - I was just using it as a reference - that I knew girls like her. I like the French slang term LA Frog taught me - "thon" - "tuna" -- for girls like her. I take it to mean, "a girl like a huge floppy fish," but I'm sure LA Frog can explain it better.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 6, 2006 8:40 AM

Talking about cell phones and air bags:

Posted by: LA Frog at August 6, 2006 9:16 AM

I just noticed something in that last photo (the rear view). It's a stretch mark on her waist... or is that her ass? It's hard to distinguish between the two.

Posted by: Lena at August 6, 2006 9:27 AM

"I attended Temple Beth El in Birmingham, Michigan -- before I started The Order Of Atheistic Jew Broads"

And I attended Our Lady of the Assumption (where I learned to make way too many assumptions) before founding The Order of The Catholic Transsexual Ass Eaters.

Posted by: Lena at August 6, 2006 9:32 AM

> or is that her ass?
> It's hard to distinguish

Cold.... cold.

Posted by: Crid at August 6, 2006 9:40 AM

My dictionary of French slang has no entry for thon, surpisingly, but I think it just means a slag, slut, strumpet ... [add your own epithet for a woman who, to the joy of her male acquaintance, readily gets her knickers off].

However, on the page where thon ought to be, there's this gem:

TGV: Prostitute who turns tricks very quickly.

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at August 6, 2006 9:47 AM

Stu: "thon" is actually a fish [tuna]. But in French vernacular, it means a girl like the one on the photo. I never found an exact equivalent word in English [and it took my English-speaking s.o. a while to get it]. Mix ugly with gross with trash -- you get the picture. I'll probably get spanked for naming examples, but WTF: Rosie O'Donnell, drunk/fat Britney, Miss Piggy, ...
[ the "TGV"!]

Posted by: LA Frog at August 6, 2006 10:10 AM

Right on, Amy!

About 4 years ago, I was standing on the corner of Sunset and San Vicente in West Hollywood and witnessed a fender-bender. The guy who hit the other car is on a cellphone. He gets out, still chattering away, to survey the damage. Assessing there was none, he gets back in, phone still attached to ear, and drives off -- having never broken conversation! It was mind-boggling. And so fucking L.A.

Posted by: Ray Richmond at August 6, 2006 10:35 AM

Oh, get of your high horses, anyone who thinks Amy was being unfairly "intimidating." Let's hope she did intimidate that idiot slob woman ... and that the idiot slob woman will think twice about driving like that way next time. What she did here was a public service.

Speaking of which, who really cares about Mel Gibson's dark, inner thoughts? Isn't it rather more important that he was speeding and driving recklessly and could have killed someone?

I hope that Mel and the homely woman pictured here BOTH end up in fatal one-car crashes before they kill or hurt anyone besides themselves, and their punishment is to have to reenact car crashes with each other for all eternity.

PS: And yes, of course it's not very nice to make fun of the idiot slob woman's less than appetizing looks. That's exactly the point. If having her picture posted on a website doesn't "intimidate" her into driving more safely, let's hope having her appearance publicly criticized (most women's Achilles' heels) will.

Posted by: Cathy Seipp at August 6, 2006 1:52 PM

Yay, Cathy. And as always, very good point -- both about Miss Reckless Muffintop here and Mel.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 6, 2006 2:01 PM

Hey, you look-sist chickadees, if it takes Amy getting run off the road and possibly maimed or disfigured in order to post hot photos of. . .how do you Adath Shalom-goers call it?. . .zaftig chix, well then I say, some great social good has been achieved. This is, after all, the internet.

Posted by: Mao See Tung at August 6, 2006 6:44 PM

It looks like she hasn't had the car smogged. License plates are already on 5, hers begins with 4, so it isn't too new to have the info online. my car's info from June 2006 is online already. You can check on your own, or any other CA car for smog history.

So, how did she get the registration? Maybe the car is stolen. And maybe she doesn't even have Insurance. Maybe the whole license plate is fake. In which case, it's not a minor infraction - if she does a hit and run, and someone gets the car's fake lic #, it won't track back to her.

Posted by: joe at August 6, 2006 7:12 PM

My car's plates start with 4M and the state hasn't told me to tget them smog checked either. The registration on my car is legit.

Posted by: Mo at August 7, 2006 7:15 AM

Let me get this straight. You didn't get into an accident. The woman didn't hit your car. Wow, how dare she!

The same thing didn't happen to me. I was driving, and out of nowhere the car behind me didn't crash into mine. I could have died! The disgusting children and fat women standing on the corner might have been killed (no big loss, I know) by the burning wreckage of both of our imaginary exploding autos. What if the car that didn't hit me had been filled with uranium! The impact might have destroyed the entire block.

I share your non-pain.

Please keep fighting these fights, Amy. One day, the person who doesn't crash into your car might have a hair-trigger temper even worse than yours (I kid of course, no one is that psycho) and might decide to punch you in the face when you confront them with what they didn't do. Or not.

Posted by: Matt at August 8, 2006 2:03 AM

Matt, there's some chance she'll mend her ways based on a more-outrageous-than-usual approach by me -- not letting her get away with it. I drive a tiny Honda hatchback. When you see somebody as close to it as I this girl was, at a high speed, because they're on their cell phone, it's pretty much your duty to do something about it. It's because people like you don't say anything that people feel free to continue. Nobody asks anybody to be accountable. So nobody's accountable. It's why a friend of mine has permanent back pain and can't comfortably wear long-sleeve shirts. I'm just lucky this useless piece of meat looked up from her call at the last second.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 5:04 AM

she could easily have had a gun in her glove compartment. many folks do.

Posted by: lucky at August 8, 2006 12:00 PM

EEEEEWWWWW! That is One Ugly Ass Ho!

Posted by: J-Dog at August 8, 2006 12:59 PM

Some of us have been having an argument regarding these photos: did you get a waiver? Probably not. Do you need one, or could the woman sue you for unlawful use of her image? I think not, but I've heard a fairly strong case on the other side. What do you think?

Posted by: Fritz at August 8, 2006 1:43 PM

Someday the LA Times will have a story about one of your confrontations. I can just imagine the headline: Unknown Transvestite Clown Left for Dead with Gunshot Wound to Face

Posted by: Ha! at August 8, 2006 2:01 PM

Hey, I never mind insults as long as they're funny.

And Fritz, I don't need a waiver for news photographs any more than the newspaper does. Think about it: when Brad Pitt is being chased by photographers, does he stop to sign a photo release?

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 3:23 PM

The phrase "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" isn't a license to hunt down your fellow motorists.

Posted by: Matt at August 8, 2006 3:27 PM

Matt, that's real clever. It's also not very bright. Maybe, just maybe, by giving this girl a hard time she'll think twice before she drives like she was that day.

Something tells me Miss Hefty's friends have found their way onto my site.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 3:30 PM

Or maybe, just maybe, the next time someone approaches her as she gets out of her car she'll knock them on their ass thinking they're another maniac tracking her down for NOT crashing into them.

You deal waaaaaay too much in these "maybe" situations. Maybe she would have hit you, maybe she won't do it again. You've given yourself free reign to do whatever the fuck you want, and you use maybe as your excuse.

"Something tells" you that I'm one of her friends? Is that the same "something" that told you she was going to crash into you? Wake up from this imaginary world you live in. I just disagree with your Charles Bronson routine.

Posted by: Matt at August 8, 2006 4:29 PM

Again, most people don't ask anyone to be accountable. What's crazy isn't that I ask, but that situations so often call for it. This rash of major inconsideration by so many people is a new thing -- and it should be considered an unacceptable thing. Sorry if I don't just roll over when people behave antisocially. Thank me when you don't get hit or killed by one of the people I've spoken to. I know the guy who I called after he yelled out his name and number at Starbucks goes outside to make his calls; ie, he doesn't make calls inside anymore and try to shoot anybody who asks him to shut up.

""Something tells" you that I'm one of her friends?"

Calm down, Matt. I wasn't talking about you.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 5:05 PM

"This rash of major inconsideration by so many people is a new thing."

What's "major" about an annoying cell phone user? My problem with your superhero identity is that you lack any kind of filter. To you, it's all major. You go from zero to one thousand in the blink of a flase eyelash. You've turned your life into a Seinfeld episode where the slightest inconvenience becomes a raging meltdown.

The Me Decade is ancient history, update your calendar. There's nothing "new" about inconsideration.

Posted by: Matt at August 8, 2006 5:58 PM

Underparented children, bad drivers, people on cell phones, and more.

As for what I do, I don't think you know me or you've seen me in action.

There's more inconsideration now than ever, because people are alienated from their families and communities they grew up in and living amongst strangers -- more than ever. This means an absence of societal checks and balances on their behavior.

As for what I lack, I didn't rest until I found my hit-and-run driver. When my neighbor screwed up my car and left me a message, "I take full responsibility, I'll pay for every dime," I didn't even get around to getting the damage estimated. The same goes for a girl who left a note after she damaged my hubcap. I care less about the damage than the damaging (people, that is).

That's my preregotive, I believe. If you don't like it or want to denigrate it, that's your prerogative. What's your goal here, though, trying to make me change my ways? You won't. Trying to make me feel bad? I got over not being liked as a child. Now I couldn't care less, providing I don't think my behavior is wrong, or somebody whose opinion I value doesn't show me it's wrong.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 6:09 PM

Lighten up. I have no "goal" here. Comment sections on blogs are usually meant for, you know, comments. I figured anyone who tosses around the word twat to describe strangers as freely as you do could take a few critical remarks without imagining some kind of ulterior motive behind it. It's web dialogue, not an intervention.

But for the record...

A few years ago, while walking to work in downtown LA, a car drove by me filled with three Latino skinhead-looking dudes and one skinhead-looking chick. For no reason, the guy in the passenger seat rolled down his window and shouted at me "Hey faggot, nice hair!" It was meaningless, of course. I like pussy (my hair did need some trimming at the time, however). But I'd heard that kind of thing once too often. I've got that shout-out-the-window look, I guess. When I saw that same car stop at a redlight down the block, I snapped. I took off running, reached their car, and started banging on their hood with the radio I was holding. The other drivers who were stopped at the light thought I was out of my mind. I shouted at the bald headed fucks inside the vehical, daring them to get out of the car and show me how tough they really were. They were so confused, they didn't even realize that I'd dented their shitty car. The chick in the backseat hid her face in her hands. While I stood there, on Figueroa and fourth, shouting "I'm standing right here! Get out and show me how tough you are now!" the other cars started beeping. The second the light turned green, they took off with shocked laughter. It was absurd.

It was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I remember thinking to myself, I wonder if they've got a gun in this car and I'm about to die.

I know about snapping too. I advise against it.

Posted by: Matt at August 8, 2006 7:18 PM

I believe this is the first time I've ever tossed around the word "twat" on my blog. I like it. I also like fucktard and assclown. Does that make me a bad person? No, just a girl who likes nasty words. Last I checked, throwing words around never put anybody in a cervical collar -- but they do seem to get your panties in a twist.

Matt: I don't snap. I'd never do what you did. Why not? Because it's beyond idiotic, and because I actually have self-control, especially when anybody gangy looking does anything to me. Read what I said about that way above. It's dull to repeat myself.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 8, 2006 8:11 PM

On the contrary, I read your work in Hustler before I made it here. When my girlfriend mentioned your blog, I remembered your name. She's a fan and posts comments too. I've still got the issue with one of your pieces in it. I could bring it to the next Media Bistro party for you to autograph if you'd like. Where in what I wrote about your language did I suggest it was a problem? Sorry if it sounded that way, I actually meant that part as a compliment.

I'm not as crazy about assclown, though. Too Kevin Smith, circa 1995. So you've discovered your inner Bevis & Butthead, that's quite an accomplishment. When do you plan to start quoting South Park?

As for your claim about self-control, all I can say is I liked your piece about global warming.

Posted by: Matt at August 9, 2006 12:23 AM

Why, thank you. And regarding this piece on my blog we've been bantering about, I have a piece in the Hustler that will be out on the newsstands September 15 about my way of battling corporate bad manners.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at August 9, 2006 2:36 AM

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