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When America Goes All Islamic
Well, at least the fanatics will stop killing us or trying to kill us because we don't believe in Allah, and start killing us because we're not in their particular sect of fanatical, homicidal Allah-belief. Gregg Gutfeld on "30 Amazing Things About America Once It Becomes Part Of The New Caliphate." Below are my favorites:

Hustler goes "all-ankle"

Zoos closed because chimps not adhering to laws of modesty

Finally decent halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl (beheadings)

Osama FINALLY dethrones Madison for most popular new kids name.

Queer Eye for the Vengeful Allah features the public blinding of all those who lay with men. You will also get a complete makeover.

The Friar's Roast is an actual roast -- of all those old Jew comedians.

Enterprise Rent-A-Mule

In the Pretty Woman remake, Julia Roberts is stoned to death.

In late model cars, integrated circuitry replaced with prayer rug

Global Warming is will of Allah. Al Gore beheaded for blaming science.

We no longer have to wait till drunk to blame the jews

Women aren't allowed to drive, unless accompanied by a suicide bomber

Got any to add...my fellow infidels?

Posted by aalkon at November 20, 2006 7:37 AM

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The Goddess writes:

Got any to add...my fellow infidels?

Your source is missing the obvious ones. You could have some fun with the fact that the consumption of alcohol and pork is forbidden in Islam.

Bars will now serve...water, water and water.

Pork rinds will be replaced with couscous.

Posted by: Patrick at November 20, 2006 1:35 AM

Man arrested on street corner with 1 lb of bacon: Felony possession with intent to distribute.

Posted by: deja pseu at November 20, 2006 7:06 AM

Los Angeles Cave Values Continue To Rise.

Posted by: eric at November 20, 2006 8:23 AM

Geico caveman ousts Ron Jeremy as sexiest man alive.

Is this microphone on?

Posted by: eric at November 20, 2006 10:02 AM

"In the Pretty Woman remake, Julia Roberts is stoned to death." Impossible, the rocks always just bounce off her teeth.

Gas prices hover at 5 cents per gallon.

President Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.

Posted by: Hasan at November 20, 2006 10:27 AM

Rumsfeld sited on border of Indianastan.

Al-jeezera, whatta tough audience.

Posted by: eric at November 20, 2006 3:17 PM

On a serious, sobering note, this just came over the news:

"Monday's civilian victims included Walid Hassan, an actor and comedian on Al-Sharqiyah TV who was shot while driving in western Baghdad. The motive for his slaying was unknown. Hassan had performed in a comedy series called "Caricature," which mocked coalition forces, insurgents, militias and Iraq's government."

I just read about this guy about a week ago.

Posted by: eric at November 20, 2006 3:43 PM

You can't tell if fashion models are too skinny or not under the season's latest burkhas.

Posted by: Peggy Archer at November 20, 2006 9:01 PM

Vibrating buttplugs outlawed.

(pass the Valium, please)

Posted by: Lena at November 21, 2006 7:31 PM

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