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"The Lord Has Chossen You As A Vessel"
My favorite spam e-mail of the week.

The Lord has "chossen" me as a vessel? The Lord should get spell-check.

Unfortunately, "The Lord" never got around to e-mailing me to tell me exactly what kind of vessel I'd be. Nuclear sub? Empty Pellegrino bottle? Microwaveable fish cooker?

A very nice lady in Nigeria says she'll ask him and get back to me -- if only I'll give him my bank account numbers so he can be sure it's really me.

I guess all it takes is one dumbshit in a million.

While we're in the land of, well, irrational thought...how would you feel about voting for a presidential candidate who said, in all seriousness:

"I have a simple philosophy – we need to take the tooth fairy more seriously and ourselves less seriously.’’

I mean, we have no evidence the tooth fairy exists, so the guy would have to be a light in the thinky department, huh? Same as if he said what he really said, which is:

I have a simple philosophy – we need to take God more seriously and ourselves less seriously.’’

I think we need to take Zeus more seriously, but only when I have a really bad fever.

Posted by aalkon at January 14, 2007 11:46 AM

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Comments

Nuclear sub? Freudians are proud of you!

See, they operate by the continuous service of a couple of hundred sailors!

Posted by: Radwaste at January 14, 2007 3:54 AM

Well, I'm no dummy! Not even in my subconscious.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at January 14, 2007 7:56 AM

>if only I'll give him my bank account numbers ...


I get my share of Nigerian spam, but I've never understood this one. Every time I write a cheque I give someone my bank account number, so what? Matching a name, address, and a/c# confers absolutely no privilege to draw dosh from the account.

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at January 14, 2007 8:58 AM

I think those sailors are called 'seamen'. (har har!)

Posted by: Chris at January 14, 2007 8:59 AM

Clearly, I haven't really gone through this, Stu. But, somehow, really gullible/greedy people help others fuck them out of a pile of money.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at January 14, 2007 9:36 AM

Dearest lady, you are a vessel of wit and wisdom, and your cup runneth over. Whether the Lord chooseth thee for such an office, I cannot say, but knowest thou that I chooseth thee for that office, and thou fillest it ably and well.

Posted by: Patrick at January 14, 2007 4:04 PM

Ya know, I've always fantasied about starting my own cult. Haveing almost totl control over another persons will has got to be exciting.

I wonder how many religions were started as a means to grow a harem.

Posted by: lujlp at January 14, 2007 10:58 PM

>>But, somehow, really gullible/greedy people help others fuck them out of a pile of money.


The standard way is that these gullible/greedy people, almost unbelievably, allow themselves to be conned into paying "transfer fees" and the like...IN ADVANCE!!!!!


Ha-ha, I just cracked up at the thought of a huge guy in Nigerian tribal costume walking into my bank and saying "I'm Stu. Give me all my money, in used 50s"

Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris at January 15, 2007 8:42 AM

"I wonder how many religions were started as a means to grow a harem."

Definitely the Mormons!

Speaking of cults, I'm going to Rome soon, and will be viewing all the wealth and material splendour of a certain religious group. Don't really understand the connection between obscene amounts of wealth and spirituality. Maybe someone can explain it to this little heathen?

Posted by: Chris at January 15, 2007 4:27 PM

Chris
I take it you're not a fan of Steve Martin movies !

Posted by: opit at January 18, 2007 7:50 PM

I think we need to take Zeus more seriously, but only when I have a really bad fever.

What your temperature?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070119/ap_on_re_eu/greece_ancient_gods

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 20, 2007 3:12 PM

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