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Sometimes, You Don't Even Have To Read The Letter
To know there's a problem.

bearmanstationery.jpg

Yes, this letter on this stationery is from a man, and one who's been over 12 for quite some time.

Posted by aalkon at July 6, 2007 1:25 PM

Comments

Now I'm dying to know ... what did the letter say? Lemme guess, he can't get a date. ;-)

Happy Friday!

Posted by: Pirate Jo at July 6, 2007 6:44 AM

Well let us read the letter already!

Posted by: Gretchen at July 6, 2007 6:44 AM

It's in an upcoming column, but basically, it's about how it's not FAIR that men have to ask women out, and how he, yes, can't get a date, even though he's asked SEVERAL women out this year!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 7:04 AM

So, how long has he lived on his own? Or is he still living in mom's basement? You know, the proverbial "cellar dweller"?

Posted by: Flynne at July 6, 2007 7:06 AM

SEVERAL, you say? He should be asking SEVERAL dozen in a year's time. The numbers are to drop only if he finds someone whom he considers worth spending the time with, who feels the same way about him.

Posted by: Patrick at July 6, 2007 7:11 AM

He's decades over 12, and lives in his own home that he owns.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 7:18 AM

Maybe he's one of those guys that are into the dressing up like furry creatures fetish (I don't know what that's called). He should probably check on line for women that are into the same thing.

Or he's just a whiny tool!

Posted by: Chrissy at July 6, 2007 7:29 AM

Wow a bit harsh. So no one taught him that there is a thing called age appropriate. However the use of crayon (did he actually write it in crayon?) might not be the best idea for an adult advice column. He appears to be a bit too sensitive and feeling oriented but where is the line between whiny tool and arrogant asshole?

Posted by: Vlad at July 6, 2007 7:39 AM

It's a very thin line between whiny tool and arrogant asshole. But at least he owns his own home. So what's his problem(s)?

Posted by: Flynne at July 6, 2007 7:55 AM

The problem, among others, is the notion that "it's not fair!!" that women don't ask him out.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 8:04 AM

The Goddess writes:

The problem, among others, is the notion that "it's not fair!!" that women don't ask him out.

So, what? Hey, it's not fair that he has to ask women out but they don't ask him out. What does he expect you to do about it? Perhaps you could write in your column, "Women, this man is correct. It isn't fair that he has to ask women out, but women don't ask him out. You start asking men out (especially this one) right now!"

He can cry about it (as he's apparently doing), or he can adapt to what is. But looking to Amy to change the way half the population is used to doing things, just isn't a realistic expectation. I'm sure you're influential, Amy, but even you have your limits.

Sounds like this letter (which none of us have even seen yet) is in a class all by itself. I've seen plenty of letters where people ask you, "How do I make him/her [insert desired behavior/personality trait here]?" But this one is asking you to change the protocol for half the population. And assuming you could, is it really fair to rest of the male population, who like things the way they are, who enjoy the thrill of the chase, or at least have learned how it works?

So, abandon your grand designs to make women take the more aggressive role in dating, Amy. You need to think about the majority of the world who are used to doing things as they are. (And I'm sure you just have your behavior modification satellite aimed to scour the United States even as you're reading this.)

Posted by: Patrick at July 6, 2007 8:15 AM

Maybe they don't realize he has very respectable penmanship...

Posted by: eric at July 6, 2007 8:20 AM

So it's women's or anyone else's fault?

The guy's main problem is wanting his dates at his own convenience. Give me convenience or give me death! Or give me convenience or blame everyone else, because I do not want put the time, effort or energy in interacting with a fellow human being.

My advice: Porn. Its cheaper than dating. So get a kleenex box and have at it you lazy bastard. Stop polluting the dating pool with your kind!

Posted by: Joe at July 6, 2007 8:22 AM

I get a number of letters like this: "Hey, how come women get equal rights then they don't have to ask men out?!"

My question (and answer) to them: "How come you're home wanking off on Saturday night? Because you think dating should be 'fair' and blame women instead of just asking them out."

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 8:30 AM

Joe writes:

So it's women's or anyone else's fault?

The guy's main problem is wanting his dates at his own convenience. Give me convenience or give me death! Or give me convenience or blame everyone else, because I do not want put the time, effort or energy in interacting with a fellow human being.

My advice: Porn. Its cheaper than dating. So get a kleenex box and have at it you lazy bastard. Stop polluting the dating pool with your kind!

Oh, my God! He's after Amy's job!

Seriously, that's actually pretty sound advice. As Trekkie Monster (a parody of Sesame Street's Cookie Monster) told Kate Monster (Prarie Dawn) in Avenue Q "Why you think the 'net was born? Porn! Porn! Porn!"

Though I think Amy will go for the more tactful approach.

Posted by: Patrick at July 6, 2007 8:32 AM

"Maybe they don't realize he has very respectable penmanship..."

Now that was very fkng funny. You just made me snort!

Posted by: Pirate Jo at July 6, 2007 8:51 AM

No Patrick, Amy has the patience of a saint to deal with these types. Common sense is an attribute needed for an advice columnists and everyone else on the planet.

My solution would be complimentary vasectomies and tubal ligations for the female types. Let's put an end to the passing of your particular DNA onto the world. You've already thrown the towel, once the excuses start rolling.

Posted by: Joe at July 6, 2007 8:57 AM

Assuming the guy has not just chosen juvenile stationery and whiny rhetoric out of mischief, to yank Amy's chain, maybe he should give up on the dating ritual itself. For those who haven't mastered its unwritten rules, it's fraught with tension that spoils the fun. I was never good at it myself.

However, I have become friends with many women the same way as with men: enjoy their company in groups and start hanging out together in smaller groups and sometimes just the two. Not many of these friendships with women (and none with men) have involved mutual sexual attraction, but there have been enough. And most of those friendships still hold up, in contrast to the few of my relationships that started with a date.

Posted by: Axman at July 6, 2007 10:07 AM

Chrissy,
The people who like anthropomorphic animals are 'furries'
The ones who like stuffed animals (or mascot suits) are 'plushies' There is a lot of overlap between these two groups.
Please don't ask how I know this. (No I'm neither furry nor plushie myself)

Posted by: Elle at July 6, 2007 10:25 AM

Thanks for the info. There really is a fetish for everyone!

And I still think he's whiny.

Posted by: Chrissy at July 6, 2007 10:31 AM

> It's a very thin line between
> whiny tool and arrogant asshole

Word

Posted by: Crid at July 6, 2007 10:44 AM

Please don't ask how I know this. (No I'm neither furry nor plushie myself)

You read Savage Love?

Posted by: justin case at July 6, 2007 11:25 AM

TO: Chrissy
RE: Really??!?!?

"There really is a fetish for everyone!" -- Chrissy

Which one is it?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. Don't you just LOVE the English language?

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 11:36 AM

TO: Amy Alkon
RE: Interesting....

....handwriting in that photo.

Is there a handwriting analyst in the house?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Don't tell me your dreams. I've been reading Freud.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 11:38 AM

I just analyze the thinking and point out the irrationalities. I've got my work cut out for me here!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 11:42 AM

TO: Amy Alkon
RE: Perhaps....

....he's going through a 'second childhood'?

Or, was he asking you for a date? Even indirectly, i.e., a sympathy letter. Maybe he wants to be 'mothered'. [Note: I'm reminded of Ann Margaret in Carnal Knowledge.....]

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. I like the stationary. But I'd drop the teddy bear. Or put him in contemporary Army camos with a Fritz-helmet and a CAR-15. The flag prominently on the shoulder, and LTC oak-leaf on the helmet.

And a fine A. Fuente Hemingway Signature firmly clenched in his grinning teeth.....

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 11:42 AM

TO: Amy Alkon
RE: Analysis

"I just analyze the thinking and point out the irrationalities." -- Amy Alkon

Well, without knowing the content of the text, it's hard to say what's 'irrational'. But I will comment that we are, ALL OF US, 'irrational', one way or another.

The 'fun' part is trying to figure out what sort of irrationality a possible 'love interest' has before it's too late to be sucked into a quagmire.

There IS a way to cut down on the possible problem-children, but it's something I suppose you're adamantly opposed to; based on other things I've seen posted by you here.

RE: It's All So Much Fun and Jest

"I've got my work cut out for me here!" -- Amy Alkon

Not as much as we do groping about in the dark about the content of said 'letter'.

But I guess it's cute to keep the people guessing.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Never lie down with a woman who has more troubles than you.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 11:48 AM

Um, women do ask men out. I guess they just don't ask him out. But then I thought we already knew what was what in Love and War.

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at July 6, 2007 11:52 AM

And is that bear holding a Puerto Rican flag? Boy, the Jets are gonna rumble tonight!

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at July 6, 2007 11:55 AM

I'm writing a column on it, so you'll get to see it eventually. I just couldn't resist posting this stationery.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 12:05 PM

TO: Amy Alkon
RE: Writings

"I'm writing a column on it, so you'll get to see it eventually." -- Amy Alkon

Good. Hopefully, you've protections, of all forms, against possible retribution.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[The first part of analysis is 'anal'.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 12:19 PM

TO: Paul Hrissikopoulos
RE: The Flag

"And is that bear holding a Puerto Rican flag?" -- Paul Hrissikopoulos

Actually....

....that's the flag of Liberia. Not Puerto Rico.

RE: I Doubt It

"...the Jets are gonna rumble tonight!" -- Paul Hrissikopoulos

When the Liberians 'rumble', they use military-grade weapons.

Had a Foreign Service Officer (FSO) from Liberia in my Infantry Officer Advanced Course at Benning School for Boys in '79-80. While he was at the course, that Master Sergeant Johnson lead the coup d'etate that overthrew the government.

Towards the end of the course, he received a letter from the new government, stating that they needed him to help re-model the military to its new masters.

He also got a letter from a friend back home. It informed him that he was the only officer of the military left alive.

Needless to say, he applied for political asylum. And it was granted.

Hope that helps.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Validate all information. Even from 'reliable' sources. -- Army intell staff puke axiom]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 6, 2007 12:28 PM

Justin,

Yes I do read Savage Love. Wish I'd found out about the furries from it (at least then I would have had some warning). I was doing an internet search for one of my favorite nostalgic characters from saturday morning cartoons. (Gadget from Rescue Rangers) People have done horrible, horrible things to my childhood.

Posted by: Elle at July 6, 2007 12:30 PM

Yeah, my brain is easily razzle dazzled by stars and stripes. Liberia, Puerto Rico, Texas... it's all the same to me.

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at July 6, 2007 12:55 PM

Don't forget the Malaysian flag too.

Posted by: Joe at July 6, 2007 1:15 PM

Nasi lemak was always a curiosity to me.

As I catch up on all the posts I have to say...Chuck you are the only person who has been able to make me read anything resembling a memo.

A man complains about having to do the asking. I can make a similar complaint. A man asks for my number and never calls. It’s an odds game for me too. Hell—most women only have a slight advantage, not the imaginary giant one this guy thinks.

Posted by: PurplePen at July 6, 2007 1:48 PM

Nothing like rice in fat, Purple. I would recommend the paru (beef lungs) to accompany the nasi lemak for lunch.

Posted by: Joe at July 6, 2007 2:27 PM

Good. Hopefully, you've protections, of all forms, against possible retribution.

Such as the phone number of the duty officer at the L.A. FBI.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 6, 2007 2:30 PM

One question Amy- was the letter in question signed "Chuck"?

Posted by: eric at July 6, 2007 2:55 PM

Eric, quit it. You've made me snort twice today.

Posted by: Pirate Jo at July 6, 2007 5:09 PM

TO: Amy Alkon
RE: Protections

"Such as the phone number of the duty officer at the L.A. FBI." -- Amy Alkon

That's one form.

Got an ACP handy?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[God made men. Colt made men [and women] equal.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 7, 2007 9:02 AM

TO: PurplePen
RE: Memo Reading

"As I catch up on all the posts I have to say...Chuck you are the only person who has been able to make me read anything resembling a memo." -- PurplePen

Not that anyone had to hold an ACP to your head. However, the truth of the matter is that it's the writing skill that 'makes' people WANT to read. Others HAVE to read because they are required to as part of their duties/job/whathaveyou.

Twenty-seven years in the infantry and I tried to make my writings more 'entertaining', as I got better results that way.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. -- George S. Patton]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 7, 2007 9:08 AM

ACP?

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 7, 2007 9:39 AM

Automatic Colt Pistol, Amy.

I had an interesting childhood...

Posted by: Kimberly at July 7, 2007 11:15 AM

Thank you!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 7, 2007 11:16 AM

Should have pointed out that ACP is the AMMO (good against human bodies), not the actual weapon.

Posted by: Kimberly at July 7, 2007 11:19 AM

TO: Amy Alkon & Kimberly
RE: ACP

"Automatic Colt Pistol, Amy.

I had an interesting childhood..." -- Kimberly

I'll just BET you did.

RE: ACP (Reprised)

"Should have pointed out that ACP is the AMMO (good against human bodies), not the actual weapon." -- Kimberly

Actually, there are a number of different ACPs. I've worked with them from .25 to .45 cal.

However, if you REALLY need to 'put the body down', I recommend something along the lines of .40+ cal.

Case in point....

The guys who rescued the downed SEAL team during Operation ANACONDA were convinced that if they had not been packing their own M1911A1 .45 cal ACPs, they would not have made it out of the rescue attempt alive. The Talibani they killed and inspected on the battlefield had their mouths stuffed with qat, i.e., they were drugged up to the max as they swarmed up the mountain side.

A mere .38 cal, i.e., 9mm, would not have put them down and kept them there.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[When going to a gunfight, bring a handgun with a first digit of 4. -- Marine Corps Rules for Gunfights]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 7, 2007 11:36 AM

Yeah, it's Chuck's letter.

But read Jeff Cooper, Massad Ayoob or Clint Smith for your firearms education. RIP, Col. Jeff!

Posted by: Radwaste at July 7, 2007 2:42 PM

I've always thought all anyone ever needs is an original CZ75.

Posted by: PurplePen at July 7, 2007 3:16 PM

TO: PurplePen
RE: Czech Up, Anyone?

"I've always thought all anyone ever needs is an original CZ75." -- PurplePen

Not familiar with that.

It's best to be 'familiar' with their weapon-of-choice.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Weapons are not confined to the category of 'firearms'.....]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at July 7, 2007 3:29 PM

Ho.lee. shit.
This conversation has taken some really weird turns. Amy, the more I read your blog the more I like it.

Posted by: Elle at July 8, 2007 4:02 PM

Awww, thanks...I feel the same way. It becomes quite the group project.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 8, 2007 5:49 PM

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