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I Actually Do This
And I recommend you do it, too. Larry David follows my lead on Asshat-tooth headsetters:

Thanks, Deirdre!

Posted by aalkon at November 11, 2007 11:41 AM



A person who wears a bluetooth wireless earpiece everywhere they go to seem trendy and important. Places to spot bluetools include movie theaters, malls, restaurants, gyms, grocery stores and cars.

Bluetool: Heyyy, how are you?

Megan: I'm great, and yourself?

Bluetool: Oh, sorry Megan. I wasn't talking to you, I'm on a call. Bluetooth.

Posted by: jerry at November 11, 2007 8:14 AM

Bluebitch: Person like me who refuses to be verbally assaulted with others' dull lives.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 11, 2007 8:31 AM

Yeah, I was trying to read Matt's book in line at the ArcLight yesterday and some fucking faux-hipster moron would not only not shut his wireless yap but I got the curious impression his name-spiking and booming Industry half-witicisms were as much for us grateful masses, fortunate enough to be within 300 meters of the hem of his garment, as his ghostly "inter"locutor. I've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt -- you know, maybe they don't realize they're being so loud -- but goddamn. I can't take it anymore! Get a blog! Jesus.

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at November 11, 2007 9:50 AM

With guys like that you can drop the benefit and start right in with the doubt.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 11, 2007 10:07 AM

So do other animals get irked by each others' mating calls, or is this just an enlarged cerebral cortex thing? I always see that video of the two pissy rams butting heads so maybe this is just one more irritating manifestation of Mother Nature's virtuoso cropistry.

Posted by: Paul Hrissikopoulos at November 11, 2007 10:10 AM

Somebody ought to make a fake Bluetooth to stick in your ear so you don't get kicked out of restaurants for doing the right thing.

Posted by: Jim Treacher at November 11, 2007 10:24 AM

Actually, this works best when you are talking without any sort of electronics sticking out of your head.

I don't see what this guy's doing as a mating call -- it's more of a form of deceptive signaling (of his own importance). If you are truly important, you can eat lunch in peace, without an electronic pacifier connecting you to others at all times.

When's the last time anybody heard anything interesting being bellowed into their face by some stranger in public? Nobody ever shouts stock tips or locations of buried treasure.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 11, 2007 10:36 AM

Makes me wish for a 2 meter EMP blaster, though I'd mainly us that on the asshole who blast their music so loud your winsheild vibrates

Posted by: lujlp at November 11, 2007 2:59 PM

Makes me glad that my teeny-tiny little ears can't handle anything but over-the-head headphones for long. Of course, one day they'll come up with implantable receivers and microphones, and then I will have to move to L.A. and pay Amy and other posters here a munificent sum to follow me around and pull my hair when I run the risk of annoying anyone. I don't go out much and have a very sensitive scalp; it could work.

Posted by: marion at November 11, 2007 4:24 PM

lujlp, I'm frequently tempted to use the hose on their usually freshly-detailed cars. A pity I don't believe I have the right to touch anybody else's property. Or scalp -- although I'm guessing, in your case, Marion, it'll be a long snowstorm in hell before you start getting loud on a cell phone in public.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 11, 2007 4:33 PM

This video is the perfect example of why I don't own a Bluetooth headset yet; they make you look like a raving schizophrenic. I hate my cellphone but it's the tool of my trade. On the other side, it is not a proper excuse to annoy anyone in my hearing range...

Posted by: Toubrouk at November 11, 2007 4:39 PM

That was great. Thanks for posting it. When those Bluetooth thingies first came out I found myself asking total strangers what they said. It seemed to me that if we were the only two people in the room and that person was speaking, she must be speaking to me. After several times of realizing too late that the person was on the phone, I now ignore people. Of course, sometimes I ignore people who really are speaking to me now. Arghh...

Posted by: miche at November 11, 2007 4:52 PM

After several times of realizing too late that the person was on the phone, I now ignore people. Of course, sometimes I ignore people who really are speaking to me now.

yes, this would be me, too, ack! But I'm learning to ignore people until I know for sure someone is speaking directly to me, but it's a lot of trial and error! o_O

Posted by: Flynne at November 11, 2007 5:06 PM

Fucking hilarious! I laughed so hard at this, I immediately went to my queue, added season 1 of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and popped it too the top. I can't believe I have missed the boat on this!

Re: ignoring people. I have gotten in the habit of ignoring people calling me by name. I have such a common name (Michael) that I practically lived the first 20 years of my life with whiplash from my head spinning around to answer people who were calling other Michaels or Mikes. Now, of course, people get pissed at me because they call me 10 times and I don't answer...

Posted by: fft5305 at November 11, 2007 9:19 PM

Or scalp -- although I'm guessing, in your case, Marion, it'll be a long snowstorm in hell before you start getting loud on a cell phone in public.

Amy, alas, I seem to always be speaking more loudly than I think I am, until attention is drawn to it. Doesn't help that I have a high voice. In the early days of cell phones, I did once get shushed in a bookstore - in the Bay Area, actually - because I was speaking too loudly. I tried to mend my ways after that, though at least I had the slight excuse of the cell phone concept being a novelty. However, I just don't have the burning urge to have long, drawn-out conversations in areas with lots of people around, because 1) I prefer privacy for my calls; and 2) I'll probably have trouble hearing whoever I'm speaking to.

If I'm sitting in a public place communicating for longer than it takes to, say, give someone directions, I'm using my CrackBerry to e-mail or text someone. In my experience, the people who are really important have CrackBerries and use them rather than talking by cell, because they feel the need to keep their conversations private. (Note: This isn't why I rely on my CrackBerry - I just prefer written to verbal communication much of the time.) Someone who can have an "important" conversation by cell phone with anyone else listening in is unimportant and doesn't realize it...either that, or it's a medical professional and the conversation is about a dire medical emergency that needs input ASAP. In the latter case, though, at least the conversation is typically interesting.

Posted by: marion at November 11, 2007 9:55 PM

think about getting a cell phone jammer. sure they're technically illegal in some jurisdictions.

Posted by: roooo at November 12, 2007 1:04 PM

Check out the phone at 0:26:

Posted by: DaveG at November 12, 2007 1:18 PM

Hey! I just got my copy of Gerbil magazine and he was on the cover!

Posted by: eric at November 12, 2007 9:46 PM

So true to life. What is more annoying about those situations is that the offender is offended. Like they have every g-damn right to broadcast their (usually worthless) conscious onto all within ear-bleeding range of them.

Posted by: kbling at November 13, 2007 7:56 AM

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