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Call Waiting And Waiting
I met a guy whose job brings him to my city every two weeks. He took
me to dinner, held my hand, kissed me, and asked me for another date (in
two weeks, when he’s back). The problem is, he hasn’t been
calling in the interim. I’m not satisfied with a casual “see
you if and when I’m there.” I already feel devalued in the
rest of my life, and I don’t need that from yet another person.
Shouldn’t a man who’s truly interested in me have some interest
in getting to know me on the phone?
--The Silent Treatment You
wouldn’t want to be one of those people who bolts up in bed after
a year or two in a relationship, wondering where “the magic”
went, and struggling to remember fun. No, you prefer to eliminate the
lengthy waiting period, and cut right to Shrill And Demanding before you’ve
even had a second date.
Do you and this guy have a future together? You DO have a future dinner.
Why not go out with him and see what transpires? Dating is supposed to
be a process of discovery, not a way to lock in a man like an interest
rate. At least, that’s the way girls who feel good about themselves
see it. Girls who think the world is staring down at them through dirt-colored
glasses feel differently. You, for example, confuse boyfriends with plug-in
air fresheners -- just the thing to plug into your life to mask the stink
of “I’m Worthless!” with “Mango Madness”
or “Knotty Pine.” That said, there ARE men who can actually
help you feel better about yourself. They’re called therapists,
and they rent by the 55-minute hour. Some might even be willing to get
to know you, at length, on the phone. Still, many
therapists, like many people, favor in-person conversations, perhaps because
they include handy visual cues that one’s audience is going comatose
with boredom. (On the phone, there’s only that final thud of the
body and the clatter of the receiver hitting the floor.) Causing this
is a common fear; especially common in anyone who isn’t a shoe-in
for their own HBO comedy special. In other words, this guy could be very
interested in you, yet very uninterested in talking to you -- or anyone
-- on the phone. In short, MAYBE HE’S NOT A PHONE PERSON!
Of course, maybe he’s not a girlfriend person either. Right now,
all you know is that the guy seems to enjoy wining, dining, and kissing
you. This is a problem? An insult? Okay, maybe you’d like a boyfriend,
but does every story have to be a romantic epic, with Romeo and Juliet
offing themselves in the end? Can’t you and he just be two extras
in some romantic comedy, exchanging some light banter, then exiting through
separate doors in the set? If not, step aside, because women are already
lining up to audition for a chance to be “devalued” just like
you were. (Either that, or somebody’s reshooting the part from “The
Ten Commandments” when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea.)
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