My boyfriend of a year has his own home, as do I. He needs a roommate to help pay bills, and only a woman has responded. She'll have her own bedroom, but they'll share a bathroom. He advertised in the campus housing office, so she must be young, or younger than I am (my boyfriend and I are both in our mid 30s). I have an issue with him having a female roommate. What if we have a fight and he doesn't answer the phone? What if he drinks beers and watches movies with her? I trust him but believe in avoiding tempting situations. He insists he'll be at my place all the time anyway (which I've told him isn't fair to me), and says I'm just insecure. I said I'm willing to meet her and see how I feel, but he won't wait to see if others respond (he did once before and ended up stuck).

Don't be too quick to assume this prospective roommate is some young hottie. The joke'll be on you when you discover she's some 60-year-old former housewife who's going back to school and borrowing his razor in the morning to mow her chin hairs.

If his roommate ends up being considerably younger, hotter, and less bearded, sure, something could go on between them. But, unless you've got the guy chained to a dripping pipe in the basement, he's always just a barstool or bus seat away from temptation. So, even now, when you have a fight and he doesn't answer the phone, it may be because he spent the night rearranging his sock drawer -- or "rearranging his sock drawer" with some ex-stripper named Blaize.

As for his contention that he'll be at your place "all the time anyway," he probably isn't saying so because he'll pay less on his water bill if he flushes at your house. Chances are, he's trying to allay your fears that his living arrangement will become one long half-time show, with his roommate dropping out of school to spend her days vacuuming his living room topless. At the same time, he's probably trying to maintain some semblance of dignity as a guy in his mid 30s who has to take in a boarder to make ends meet. Yet, there you are, turning his solution to his financial crisis into the rental version of HOTorNOT.com. And exactly how ugly and disagreeable must a prospective roommate be before your boyfriend can get out of selling his blood to keep the lights on?

There are easier and less complicated ways to get extra-relationship sex than advertising for it to store its tampons under your bathroom sink. Now, either you have reason to trust your boyfriend or you don't. You don't get to tell another adult what to do, which is what you're trying to do with "I'm willing to meet her and see how I feel." Meanwhile, you're not only telling him you have little faith in him, but suggesting he's settled for too little in a girlfriend, since you seem convinced your replacement is just a one-bedroom/shared bath ad away. You'd actually have more control by relinquishing control. Instead of telling him what to do in other relationships, show him why he wouldn't want to do anything that jeopardizes yours. It's really the best way of seeing to it that there's no woman he'd rather open a dented can of beans for: "Au poivre, darling? Or would you prefer tartare?"

This co-worker guy, who I hardly know, has been stalking me at work. I don't want to cause trouble for him, but...he's creepy. He's been asking co-workers about me and finding me on my breaks. Today, as I was leaving for lunch, he said, "I haven't stopped thinking about you." The hairs on my neck stood up. The shower music from "Psycho" came into my head!! I (like an idiot) said, "Shoot me an e-mail." (I don't have the guts to tell him, "Screw off, you ugly, creepy, uh, expletive.") Of course, he e-mails me -- inviting me to lunch or dinner, saying he wants to get to know me better. Since I love your "tact," I'd love to respond using your words. Something that says: 1. You're creepy. 2. You obviously live with your mother. 3. Never in your lifetime.

Alfred Hitchcock might've retired to some sleepy town in England after a career as an elementary school filmstrip operator -- save for his wise decisions while directing "Psycho." Imagine Hitch weighing the dramatic possibilities: "Let's see, shall we have a shadowy figure slipping into a motel bathroom, opening the shower curtain and raising a big knife to stab a terrified naked woman -- or should some lad drop in at the woman's office to tell her 'I haven't stopped thinking about you' as a lead-up to asking when she might be free for lunch?"

Come on, a guy at work gives you reason to believe he has a crush on you and the shower music from "Psycho" comes into your head? When you see sheep nibbling on grass in a pasture, do you hear the theme from "Jaws"? Your complaint that this guy is "stalking" you reminds me of the old joke: It's only sexual harassment when the guy asking you out is ugly, broke, and works in the mailroom. Actual stalking is a willful and malicious form of intimidation -- persistent unwanted pursuit after the pursuer has been informed that his or her attentions are unwanted. Stalkingvictims.com reports that most U.S. states define stalking as behavior that would instill fear in a reasonable person. Sorry, but what are you afraid of, getting cooties by association? The stench of loserhood lingering in your hair?

You take the post-modern approach to saying no, ditching "No means no" for "'Shoot me an e-mail' means no." Unfortunately, most people, including Dorky Boy, are probably working off the old definition. To make matters worse, if a guy really likes you, when one door fails to close, another 10 doors open. So, while you're waiting for him to read your mind about what a "creepy, uh, expletive" you think he is, he's probably laying out his dinner clothes, researching fine wine, and wondering whether you should name the children after his late grandma or yours.

It didn't have to get to this point. All you had to do was be kind enough to say something the first time he expressed interest -- nothing cutting about his looks or living arrangements -- just "Thanks for asking, but I'm not interested." You might also try squeezing out a little respect for guys who get up the nerve to go after what they want -- especially as a girl who doesn't have the guts to speak up about what she doesn't. If you "No, thanks!" a guy a few times, and he fails to back off, sure, call for reinforcements. Until then, do your best to avoid crying wolf while being pursued down the halls of your office by a quivering, three-legged Chihuahua.

My wife and I have been married 10 years and have two young children. Two years ago, we agreed to separate, and I left for Iraq. Two weeks later, she moved a boyfriend into our place. The following year, she ended it with him, and we decided to try to work things out. I bought a house and moved her and our kids in. Two months later, she went back to the boyfriend. A year later, she left him, and we agreed to try again. I moved our family back into the house and gave her power of attorney and my bank account password to prove I was committed. A month later, I had to leave for Iraq again, and am still here. Within a month, she had some guy sleeping over nightly. She claims they're just friends; he's there because she doesn't feel safe, and they aren't having sex. She even told our son the guy's doing her a favor and has a bad back, so it's only fair that he sleeps in the bed with her, not on the couch. I'm 99 percent sure our marriage is done, I just wanted your opinion.

Ever wonder why junkyards always have signs like "Beware of Rottweiler," not "Man With Bad Back On Premises!"?

A woman who wants to protect herself gets a gun, a burglar alarm, and a really big dog, not a man with spinal issues to sleep in her bed while her husband's off to war. But, let's say you didn't buy a house in some sleepy suburb, but in the middle of Crack Alley, where they'll break in to steal the rabbit ears off your 1972 black-and-white TV. If a guy's real interest is in watching over your wife, not rolling over on her, the foyer rug should provide both a firm surface for his aching back and the perfect vantage point to keep an eye out for prowlers.

The firm surface you need to meet up with is the business end of the clue stick. This saga started two years ago, when you and your wife agreed to separate. Two weeks later, after you left for the war, she moved her boyfriend into the family home. Two weeks later? Yes, before the exhaust trail from your plane to Iraq disappeared from the sky, she'd already managed a little troop surge of her own: Operation Screw Daddy Over. Yep, Daddy goes off to war and she eases the kids' minds that he'll be coming back in one piece by immediately bringing in his replacement.

You aren't "99 percent sure" it's over, you're clinging to the fantasy that you'll find a marriage in there somewhere -- somewhere amidst the strange men strolling in and out of your kids' lives. Sorry, but if you have a choice, take "Needle in a haystack for $20." The only reliable thing about your wife is her unreliability. After all, most guys get one "Dear John" letter. You've got a subscription.

So, what are you afraid of? Admitting your marriage didn't work out? It seems preferable to staying in it, and having your kids see you walked on so much that you're practically a human treadmill. But, more important, your kids would probably have more stable lives in a "broken home" than a home that keeps breaking up over and over again. Setting boundaries takes being honest about what you're actually dealing with; for example, asking yourself who's the spouse in the truly scary neighborhood. I'm guessing, when the mortar fire gets alarmingly close, you manage to refrain from turning to the guy on the next cot and whispering, "Pssst! Hold me!"

I'm 29, as is the woman I've been seeing for three months. After she kept pulling away when I tried to kiss her, she confessed that kissing is very, very intimate to her. She'll actually sleep with someone before kissing them. In fact, we've been having sex for a while -- without kissing. She had girlfriends in college, and said she found it easier kissing girls. She claims she doesn't want a girlfriend -- she prefers guys -- she just needs me to be patient, as she's "scared to death" of kissing, and "can't do it right now." I really like her, but I found out her last relationship lasted two years, and they never kissed. I don't think I can wait that long.

It's got to be weird, dating a girl for whom safe sex probably means you wear a condom and she hockey masks up like Jason from "Friday the 13th." What do you do for foreplay, tell her "I just love how the moonlight glistens on your fiberglass-encased head"?

Your girlfriend probably isn't germ-phobic since she kissed girls and doesn't mention making them gargle Listerine with a Lysol chaser. But, about those forays into Lesbianapolis, you've gotta wonder, does she really prefer guys or does she just prefer to prefer guys? If she really isn't into women, maybe it was no big deal for her to kiss them. It's also possible she was molested or exposed to some sexual weirdness. I called sex therapist Stephanie Buehler, who explained, "Somehow she's made a rule for herself...made it okay to have intercourse. It's almost like she (uses) intercourse...to sort of hide the fact that she isn't really that interested in emotional intimacy. I guess giving sex is easy for her, and she knows it's something that will keep a guy around."

It is tempting, when you're into somebody, to approach your relationship like Peter Pan. As Walt Disney's Peter put it in 1953, "All it takes is faith and trust. ... Now think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings. ... You can fly!" Yes, it sounds so romantic, believing against all odds. Of course, if you actually jump out the window, you will not be going for one long makeout session in Neverland; you will be going in a big black zipped bag to the coroner.

A wiser approach, when your girlfriend asks you to "be patient," is to ask yourself, "For what -- celebrating our two-year anniversary with an air-kiss or a lingering thumbs up?" While you're "patient" she has little incentive to get impatient -- or to become the patient of a sex therapist (see AASECT.org, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Tell her you can't live without kissing, but you're willing to wait a little longer if she'll do more than sit around feeling scared. Encourage her to talk about her fears, and she might come to see that they're about as grounded in reality as "Step on a crack, break your mother's back" (or the more modern "Step on a crack vial...").

If talking goes well, maybe she'll let you work your way from home base to first: kissing her forearm and the back of her neck, and moving on to cheek and lip pecks, and more. Give yourself (and maybe her) a deadline -- a couple months? -- to see some progress. Otherwise, good luck, come Christmas party time, not only helping your friend and host revive his elderly auntie, but explaining why you and your girlfriend really had no choice but to have sex under the mistletoe.