Something does not add up here, why would he give up his bank accounts to her to show that he is committed. It seems to me she is the one with commitment issues. Either he is very stupid or the whole picture is not represented in the letter. I think he has done well to be handling guns and not shot her yet. I would pay the boyfriend to stay with her, and keep her away from me.

It's tough to admit your wife is a slut, but I have had to do it and that is what Clueless Warrior here needs to do and accept that she is a completely, and I mean, COMPLETELY, untrustworthy piece o'crap and dump her, do what he NEEDS to do for the kids and never, EVER look back. She is NOT, repeat, NOT worth the time of day. Yeah, I like using the Caps lock.

The firm surface you need to meet up with is the business end of the clue stick.

Thanks for the chuckle.

Wow. Just Wow. That poor guy. That inconsistent, inconsiderate bitch. More likely she needs a smack upside the head with a Clue-by-4. I hope this guy gets out, relatively unscathed. Those poor kids, they're the innocents in all this. "Mommy" is sending a pretty piss-poor message.

She left him twice, and he is trusting her with full access to all his assets to prove HE is committed??? Either she's a manipulator who demanded this and he rolled over, or he was begging her to come back and held out the financial carrot to seal the deal.

Either way, he is clearly desperate to hang onto a wife who doesn't give a $#!* about him. Funny how a guy with the physical courage to face mortar fire can be in such desperate need of a backbone where his emotional life is concerned.

Here's hoping he listens to Amy's point about his kids. Thinking about that might be just what he needs to recover from this osteoporosis of the spine.

Both of them are idiots. To put children through that type of pshychological turmoil is despicable. He needs to buy, not a penis enlarger, but a nutsack enlarger so they have room to grow. And after she has a brain transplant and a thorough sterilization, he should shoot her in the skull.

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice shame on me.

How can a married man allow his wife to have a gd boyfriend, much less one who is moved into his own house? And then allow her to do it again?

This is a type of story that I hate reading. First four sentences, you feel sympathy for the guy getting screwed over. Then he takes charge and screws himself over. And you feel incredibly angry at his idiocy. That such idiocy can possibly exist!

His marriage was over a long time ago, and he didn't have the balls to face it. Of course, I'm also wondering if she used the children as pawns against him (ie divorce, with no visitation or contact). This would possibly explain why he opened up all his assets. Still though...

Perfect title btw...

Some guys are just stupid.Faithful, committed, but stupid. I have a friend who signed a quit claim to his wife for their house because he was having IRS and health problems. Now that quit claim is exhibit #1 in her case to take everything from him in divorce.

I've seen guys like this before. He's a doormat. She will come back to him whenver she needs the money, or another house, or a car. She will probably even convince her boyfriend to move out long enough to make it look like she wanted to get back together with the provider and then jump right back in when she gets what she wants. There are some men out there who are so insecure, and starved for female attention, they will put up with this over and over again as long as they get a little bit of affection, regarldess of how phony, once in a while. Wake up dude, you're being used. I don't care if you think are too ugly or shy or fat or whatever to find another woman, there are more good women out there than you can possible imagine. Cut the cord. Move on!

After all, most guys get one "Dear John" letter. You've got a subscription.

Nice.

It seems preferable to staying in it, and having your kids see you walked on so much that you're practically a human treadmill.

Having witnessed firsthand the psychologically fragile pseudo-adults that result from kids seeing their father repeatedly treated like a human doormat by a psycho mother, I am in wholehearted agreement with your advice to him. He needs to get out and save the kids.

If this guy wants his kids to become well-adjusted adults, he needs to give them a well-adjusted adult as a role model. His choices for the job are himself or the mattress test pilot. Let's hope he makes the right choice.

I hope he's revoked his power of attorney & changed his bank account password. I know Iraq isn't exactly handy for that sort of thing, but there must be some way to at least freeze things so she doesn't totally clean him out. Of course she may have already and that's just been omitted from our cut of the letter.

I can actually imagine the line she would take to get him to do this: "But honey, its so hard when you're away from us, I have such a hard time coping with that insecurity. What if, god forbid, something were to happen to you? Remember how hard it was for Aunt Bea when Uncle John died? She was left without anything for months. What would happen to our children?" Heh...I should write HBO originals...

this story is hard to believe. I cannot imagine a US soldier so feminized that he's cool with his wife's slutting it up while he is away dodging IEDs in a hostile land.

either way, this trooper is likely to get whacked good by the divorce courts. "Hear ye, hear ye, I hereby order the man-slave to divide his property "equally", and pay $1200/mo child support to the sexually liberated wife."

I think he should play ok with the situation until he gets back home. Get a buddy of his here in the US to film the BF and the wife getting busy. Then the second he gets back freeze his account and file for divorce not separation. If he has proof of infidelity she's less likely to get alimony or get less of it.

However unless he's done with his military service the wife will automatically get the kids.

"If a guy's real interest is in watching over your wife, not rolling over on her, the foyer rug should provide both a firm surface for his aching back and the perfect vantage point to keep an eye out for prowlers." Or she could sleep on the couch. The main problem here is that she should not be a soldiers wife. She should never have married someone who is career military. She obviously can't stand the loneliness involved, she can't stand being manless.

If she is tramping around and the BF has a criminal record and she is not taking good care of the kids, then the Soldier can have the kids remanded to HIS parents while he is on duty. This has occurred on a regular basis.

I'd like to see legislation making her behavior a crime.

keeping a lifeline open to the home is a common thing in soldiers... but he has to identify the things that are actually important. They are his kids, and for whatever reason his soon to be ex has betrayed him, she should be out of his life, and theirs. He should get whatever kind of counseling the military has for divorce situations like this, and get out of it. IF and it's a big one he can get a hold of the kids based on some military laws, great. If he waits until he's a civie again, he is screwed. There are veyr few ways to actually get the kids aways from a mother unless she is in jail. All she will have to do is play the PTSD card. I hate to tell the guy that after fighting the way he has, there is another long road at home, but there is. He is strong enough to make it happen, it's just won't be pretty.

I can get past the separating, and moving a boyfriend in 2 weeks later ... barely ... Then a year later you gave it another try, good for you on that score. Two months later and she's back to the boyfriend? That's the point, right there, when she lost any credibility and SHOULD have lost all of your trust. Everything she did after that ... well, if the skanky ho shoe fits.

To now, after all of her reprehensible and selfish behaviour, not to mention the crap she's put your kids through, give this bitch power of attorney and your bank account password just says IDIOT in really, really big letters, and that holds true whether you're in Iraq, the army or working down the block at Dunkin Donuts.

Get a brain. She is fucking you over and you are not just letting her but actively assisting. Freeze your account before she empties it, have your paycheques re-routed to someone you can trust (your parents?) and get the legal process started to get your kids away from Hump Bunny.

If you read all these posts you should now be 100% sure. Get on it!

Just because he is in the service, the wife doesn't automatically get the kids. I know a few soldiers who got custody because they were definitely the better parent.

Could this dude be a bigger pussy when it comes to dealing with this bitch? I think not.

I moved our family back into the house and gave her power of attorney and my bank account password to prove I was committed.

Really? Good grief. I know he's a soldier and all, so I'm guessing he's not a wuss in other circumstances, but this is pathetic. It might be my Neanderthal brain at work, but if my wife were to cheat even once it would be over and I wouldn't look back.

"this story is hard to believe. I cannot imagine a US soldier so feminized that he's cool with his wife's slutting it up while he is away dodging IEDs in a hostile land.

either way, this trooper is likely to get whacked good by the divorce courts. "Hear ye, hear ye, I hereby order the man-slave to divide his property "equally", and pay $1200/mo child support to the sexually liberated wife."

Posted by: A at May 14, 2008 9:08 AM"

I don't find it too hard to believe these days. The danger is when the courts do that and he possibly passes his breaking point exploding with rage which could be directed at anyone not just those who deserve it. Old school chivalry blinds a lot of people. You don't have to lower yourself to their level but you damn well look out for your own/your kids interests.

Once heard a story about a guy in a Veteran's hospital bragging as it were that he fought long and hard for custody of his kids and any real man should do the same thing. He did it, so can you! He fought for seven long years and won! All the time he kept repeating that it took him seven years, not dawning on the fact that it took the courts 1/3rd of his kids' childhoods to sort things out or that, he's a rare case. Hard to see reality when you've fought, shed blood and lost limbs defending a country/system that treats you like crud.

Maybe Amy can fix him up with the 'Til Dud Do Us Part' letter-writer.

Since this guy has already been hit with the idiot stamp repeatedly, I won't add to the deluge, but seriously: Dude, she won't stop doing this to you. She doesn't love you. You don't do these things to someone you love. If you have any self-respect left, get out now. Even if you end up financially screwed, get out. At least you'll still have a chance at being happy.

"If he has proof of infidelity she's less likely to get alimony or get less of it."

Um, in what state is that true currently? Saudi Arabia?

Just ask any guy who found his wife doing the horizontal shuffle with someone else and got cleaned out in the divorce. Does. Not. Matter.

Those poor kids

Reading the situation over for myself, I had to ask myself how in the world this man managed to dredge up a one percent glimmer of hope amidst all of that muck. Why do people always need that one last opinion before they're 'sure' about something?

I want to wish this soldier some good luck in whatever future mishaps he might have with this woman (and I'm sure there'll be plenty), but first, this: Next time, keep your head below the clouds. Not just for your sake, but for the kids, too.

Get the power of attorney nullified post haste! She can do anything with that, sell the house, anything. Good God, a power of attorney to a woman like that...

I suspect that this fellow isn't reading any of this and paying attention; even Amy's clear direction will be dismissed. I know such a miserable creature, and he's not even military. Some guys just invest so much in a fantasy they can't cope. Think "religious zeal."

I've seen this a buncha times while in the Navy. One of our schmoes married a for-real whore he met in the barracks hallway at 3AM - even after having it shown to him that the construction workers at Charleston Naval Shipyard knew her by name to be a ten-dollar trick. The M-Division Chief proved this to the CO by calling the first guy he saw on board with a yellow hardhat!

spartee:

Virginia. I know a woman who has to pay her ex-husband alimony. she got busted for adultery during the divorce, so yeah, it DOES matter in some places.

Easy for me to say, LW, but regardless of who ends up more out-of-pocket from the divorce, with your current "wife" its either pay now or pay later, with several more years of crap in the interim. Think long-term and think of the influence she's having on your kids. Cut your losses.

spartee: The key word to my statement is proof. If you catch your wife doing biological vector calculus with someone it's her word against your. If it gets video taped it her ass in your hands. There are of course evidence rules which I'm not familiar with which vary by state.

This must be real. no one can make this stuff up. unbelievable. and I thought I was a shmuck.

On a serious note, I feel sorry for those kids. I see major therapy in their future.

That guy would be safer giving the power of attorney to his kids (no matter how old they are).

Perhaps he is scared that if he goes for divorce that his military career (meaning that he travels often) would be use by his wife as proof that she would make the more custodial parent?

Sorry Vlad, if you videotape her, then she calls you a stalker and you get a Protection Order against you, and forever lose your right to bear arms, get a security clearance, work in law enforcement etc.

Courts don't care if a woman is a slut. It is part of the feminist winning streak in destroying marriage.

Here we go again (sigh) ...

Smarty, I suspect that during our lifetime every last one of us has or will be screwed over by a member of the opposite sex, with or without the involvement of the legal system, the police or some social services agency. I'm so sorry that you, or some guy you know, clandestinely videotaped some feminist slut while she was doing something marriage-destroying, thus depriving you of your right to bear arms, get a security clearance, work in law enforcement etc. Wait five years, apply for a pardon, try to move on.

Meanwhile, any chance at all of a progress report from the LW? His whole situation just worries the crap out of me.

There's a fascinating movie called L.A. Blues that could aptly be described as an R-Rated version of "Cheers".

Set in a Los Angeles bar, it tells the stories of several patrons over a year. One of the characters is a somewhat dorky looking guy who is married to a fairly attractive woman. His story focuses in on his complete denial that his wife is having an affair, while this fact is immediately obvious to all around him.

Part of me feels sorry for your letter writer. He seems to have nobility running through his veins though one can't ignore the fact that its cross-pollinated with abject stupidity and denial.

I have a friend, or I should say I "had" a friend like this fellow. He also was a doormat to every woman he got involved with. Once I was out with him and his girlfriend at the time and she said something highly insulting about him right in front of all of us. I asked him about this later and he said that he "didn't notice". Eventually I got to the point of not being able to respect him and just don't waste any more of my time with him. He's a super nice guy but completely lacking in self-respect.

"Sorry Vlad, if you videotape her, then she calls you a stalker and you get a Protection Order against you, and forever lose your right to bear arms, get a security clearance, work in law enforcement etc." No no you don't first if a private Eye does the taping he is exempt for a great deal of it. He's not a stalker he someone who is being paid to dig up dirt on someone and he needs a license to do it. Besides if the judge (not the system just the judge) has an anti-male bias she can do it any way regardless of what proof she has. The house is still his and if he video tapes her committing an act on his or joint owned property she can't call him a stalker cause he lives there. This will vary by state.

Orders of protection are not the easiest thing to get, temporary restraining orders are something different.

Smarty, I suspect that during our lifetime every last one of us has or will be screwed over by a member of the opposite sex, with or without the involvement of the legal system, the police or some social services agency. I'm so sorry that you, or some guy you know, clandestinely videotaped some feminist slut while she was doing something marriage-destroying, thus depriving you of your right to bear arms, get a security clearance, work in law enforcement etc.

Loopychick, you're awesome!

I had a double-whammy of Amy today, because I've been out of internet use for several weeks. Having read these past few weeks, I think I'll just stay single for awhile... I'm imagining a large party where all these letter writers and their denial meet...

So whats her name and number?

Dear troubled:

Don't know how long you've been in the military, active or reserves, if you're a "lifer", etc. If you stay in long enough to retire, and you stayed married to this woman for ten years or more(which you indicated in your letter), then she is automatically, by legislation (thanks Pat Schroeder), entitled to half of your retirement pay -- FOREVER.

Like first commenter Al observed, there's more going on here than just what's in the letter. Being divorced, ex-mil, and a father, I can't fathom how you let things get to this point, given the substantial financial risks involved.

Maybe that's what she's after -- half of your pension plus alimony and child support; or you blow your head of in despair, and she gets your SGLI, dependency and compensation program payments from the DoD, and social security survivors benefits.

Nice.

Troubled you definetely need to nip this in the bud. Do you live on base because if you do there is no need for her to need someone to keep her safe (even though its not impregnable I would think that most criminals would think twice before going onto a milatary base).

You need to cut your loses. Its better to get burned for what you have now then to fall in the retirement pay trap Googootz mentions. And I would not be surprised if that is what she is waiting for (wait until after the 10 year mark then file for divorce).

My guess this wife is a housewife and doesn't have job and has no intention of getting one as she has this guy to pay her bills. When she sinks low in the resources department ( ie her new boyfriend has left her and took his wallet with) she goes back to this guy who is a sure bet.

There are other ways to show you are committed to a relationship other than giving your partner carte blanc with all your financial resources.
Not only do I think the marriage is over, I will lay donuts to dollars she has taken out a bunch of credit cards in this guy's name that he has no clue about.