I'm pretty sure he's already had people take a stand against him and he doesn't give a shit.

Why waste any more of your precious time on this jerk? Don't even read the rest of this column, lady.

I agree with previous posters. This guy doesn't seem to be worth the energy it would take to tell him off. Ignoring him altogether might actually have more of an impact than replying to his message, but maybe not. In any case, he doesn't deserve to hear back from you, anyway. I know nothing about Facebook -- can you block his messages?

As for revenge? I'd tell the LW what I told one of the younger ladies in my office after she was dumped: The best revenge is to get a smarter, pleasanter, and handsomer boyfriend. Richer wouldn't hurt, either, though it's not a deal-breaker.

Wow, you are old! Yes, she can block him completely. He wouldn't be able to find her in searches if she did that. Save your sanity, LW.

That is lame as fuck to block him. It's just more of the same "punishment" she is trying to give him because, like Amy said, she is still emotionally rooted. She liked him a lot and he was just not into her. Her best revenge is to treat him exactly the way he treats her. Text him at 2:00 a.m. and then don't be available. The LW is playing this game all wrong. And I can't stand when people erase someone's number from their phone or block facebook. It's so fucking stupid.

It's a better idea to waste her time sending him messages and giving him the treatment she received TWO years ago? Are you insane? Forgetting he even existed takes less energy than acting like a clingy teenager.

"The best revenge is to get a smarter, pleasanter, and handsomer boyfriend. Richer wouldn't hurt, either, though it's not a deal-breaker." Got it dead to rights.

Just ignore him. If you go to the trouble of blocking him he'll think he's won. If you write back and "play" his game your giving him attention, again he wins. Ignore him and he will eventually go away, maybe with a slightly bruised ego. Anything eles egives him the attention he seems to crave.

"Yes, she can block him completely. He wouldn't be able to find her in searches if she did that." Hey I resemble that remark.

I'm still Facebook "friends" with a douche I dated a year and a half ago. After it was over, I made a point to post status updates about how much my life rocked.

So KG, you're saying once someone's in your cell or online, they're in your life forever? No, wait, don't you DARE erase that number from your phonebook! You will NOT be purging old and useless info!

Block him if hearing from him again will bring up the same old crap. WHo cares what he thinks about it? I wouldn't care to have random asshats pinging me whenever they like, but that's just me. It's an intrusion in my life, and that's why I'm not ON any of those sites. I wouldn't hold my home open for any tom dick or harry that sauntered by, why do the same to your online profile?

Past that, leave him in the past. Don't respond. Don't talk about him with friends. It just gives him life.

I'm still Facebook "friends" with a douche I dated a year and a half ago. After it was over, I made a point to post status updates about how much my life rocked.

LOL! Excellent way to handle it! He'll get sick of looking and then probably stop of his own accord. And that's when you can delete his info. o.O

Said Kendra, "Wow, you are old!"

Not that old! Mostly my kids think I'm old. Although I did submit this comment via Morse code.

Said Vlad: "If you go to the trouble of blocking him he'll think he's won." Maybe so, but I don't think it's too important what he thinks. She'd be flushing away an annoyance, not making a statement. Of course, if the guy's merely a weenie, it might not be such a big deal either way. If he's really mean, or even threatening, blocking him might be more important. That's a whole different issue, though.

By all means call him, tell him what a jerk he is. Then invite him over for a good lay. That is what you really want to do. You might also try to find out why you want this guy to like you. Did Daddy run out on you? Did your uncle touch you, then stop and you miss it?

"Maybe so, but I don't think it's too important what he thinks." It seam to be to her. Your right that it shouldn't be but might give her closure. That's the one thing she's lacking here.

"Did your uncle touch you, then stop and you miss it?"

Ew.

Vlad, my take is that he already HAS won. It's been two years, and she's still stewing. It's time for her to get over it. The guy probably just noticed it was her birthday and didn't think much about casually wishing her a happy day.
"And I can't stand when people erase someone's number from their phone or block facebook. It's so fucking stupid." Well, until you accidentally call someone because you forgot to put your phone on lock. Or some asshole you've forgotten you have on your friend list starts posting inappropriate comments on your page.
(I have a facebook profile, and I don't have anything too personal on it, but I still don't want people I dislike having ANY insight into my life.)

I'd probably block him from my account - that doesn't tell the guy he's 'won', it just says 'You are annoying and I don't like you so quit bugging me,' and keeps you from getting further irritating messages from him. Beyond that, just ignore him, and forget about getting "closure." The guy used you, you allowed yourself to be used, and that made you feel like crap. So don't do it again.

Nobody needs to "take a stand" against jerky guys like him, they just need to ignore him. He'll go through his life, treating women like crap, and these women will fall into two piles - one, which consists of women who stopped having anything to do with him, and which keeps growing and growing. The other pile will be made up of women who keep putting up with his crap. As long as there are women who will keep falling into pile number two, why SHOULD he stop treating them that way? He gets what he wants and doesn't have to give anything in return. All you have to do is make sure you fall into the first pile.

Will he notice that most of the women he's gone out with despise him, don't speak to him, and block him from contacting them, and think that maybe this reflects upon him in some way? Oh, who knows. More importantly, who cares? There are more pleasant things in life to focus on that the jerks we've run into, and who we can't change anyway. The reason your ass is on the back is so you can leave the crap behind.

"The reason your ass is on the back is so you can leave the crap behind."

Ha! Pirate Jo, that's priceless! I'll be using that one for sure...

She's clearly not a high-quality woman.

Dear Not Having It: Congratulations for not falling into a long-term relationship with a jerk. Really. I'm not saying that to be sarcastic. I wish more women would be like you and wise up on that subject.

Now, regarding that Facebook message: Of course, it's just more of the same. He wants to see if he can still play you. He must have run into a five-minute span where the rest of the world wasn't jumping through hoops to entertain him, so he figured he'd see if he could get a rise out of you. Anyway, be advised that the one thing that people like him absolutely can't stand is being ignored. Take this advice and act accordingly. If he keeps sending you messages, block him, but don't make a big deal out of it. I read today that Burger King is running a promo where they will give you a coupon for a free Whopper for every 10 people you remove from your friends list. It'll even send them a message that says "You've been dumped for a burger."

BTW, old rpm daddy, Amy says she's getting tired of having to re-post all of those stone tablets we keep sending her. I think we'd better switch to papyrus scrolls.

If I could copy/paste Cousin Dave's response and call it my own, I would! I agree that the LW should be proud for only taking it for so long and also that the best way to get revenge is to ignore someone. It sends a powerful message that even the wittiest, most biting reply message cannot.

If that's not incentive enough, here's a little anecdote. My friend dated a player. And, while they were together, he would go on and on about the "psycho" ex girlfriends who would call and text him and send him e-mails about what a jerk he supposedly was. When they'd encounter one of his exes at a bar or restaurant (and they encountered a LOT of them, she later realized), he'd point out the girl glaring at him accross the room and explain to my friend that the girl was "crazy," that he'd ended things with her, and that she just didn't "get it." Thing is, he was PROUD of all of this. He LOVED getting the texts, e-mails, and glares because of the fact that they made him feel like a stud. LW, do not be one of those "crazy" girls. Do not give him the opportunity to call you one.

"'Gee, thanks!' you tell him. 'I thought I was just in serious need of a car wash until you pointed out the bleeding victim spread-eagled across my windshield.'"

This actually happened once. A report appeared in the local media when I was living in Texas, of a woman, high on drugs, who hit a homeless man with her car so hard that his upper body crashed through, and became stuck in, her windshield. She drove home - her victim still stuck in her windshield - parked in her garage, and left him trapped there for several days until he died (though she did come out an apologize to him once or twice whiel he begged for help). When he died she got friends to help her dump the body, which I believe was found.

When she was charged, her defense attorney had the gaul to argue in the media that she was guilty, at most, of leaving the scene of an accident.

To my surprise, she got only 50 years in prison - much less than the maximum sentence of life.

If I recall the story correctly, the woman was a NURSE!

Right - nurse's aid. And it was 60 years, not 50 (still don't know whey they didn't go for life).

Here's a link:

http://forums.signonsandiego.com/archive/index.php/t-14311.html

Great response Amy! That, in case anyone has not heard of the word, is the very definition of accountability. You dated him. You put up with him. Whose fault is that? Is it his fault? Do we have to blame everyone else for everything we do?

NO!

The guy was doing everything wrong and he was STILL getting laid! Any woman who puts up with that deserves what she gets! But then there are the requisite "yeah, but he was so nice", or "well, he can't treat me like that and get away with it!"...but, unfortunately, he did get away with it.

It is funny how women at work are always saying "No players, please!" like they know exactly what one looks like and could smell it a mile away. Yet, you will see that same person dating that player and everyone else knows it! But wait! She knows it too, but is ignoring it because he is either a)really, really good-looking, or b)loaded, or c)both.

So this is mostly HER OWN FAULT!

Chalk it up as a mistake. Don't let the guy get to you. By agonizing over it for two years and still plotting revenge you are proving that you have incredibly low self-esteem, or he was that great in bed that you still want a piece.

Don't even acknowledge him and he will go away...he is fishing and he knows some fish go for the same bait, even if they have been caught more than once...

"Happy birthday, lady."!? Who is this guy? Jerry Lewis?

I think women who date these kinds of guys secretly think that their love can change them, and then they're angry when it doesn't. Otherwise, why are they so angry?

I find guys like this amusing, and wouldn't bother with them at all, but I actually like men. I only date nice ones.

sofar: "while they were together, he would go on and on about the "psycho" ex girlfriends who would call and text him and send him e-mails about what a jerk he supposedly was. When they'd encounter one of his exes at a bar or restaurant (and they encountered a LOT of them, she later realized), he'd point out the girl glaring at him accross the room and explain to my friend that the girl was "crazy," that he'd ended things with her, and that she just didn't "get it." Thing is, he was PROUD of all of this"

You've just described a recent ex-girlfriend of mine ... so believe it or not, this happens with the genders reversed too.

Chrissy: "Otherwise, why are they so angry?"

Well, I for one expect that people should at least behave like decent human beings ... it's not abnormal to merely be angry (in the short term, e.g. for a few days) when someone (especially someone you have feelings for, but anyone) behaves horribly, but it is definitely not healthy to still be stewing in anger two years later. You can't change someone like this ... so you were treated badly, you have to let go of that, and you have to also realise you allowed it to happen, and figure out why and learn from that.

It's easy to point from the sidelines though, but what makes it harder is that these "horrible" people are never *just* horrible, I mean they don't start treating you badly the day you meet ... they usually have a very decent side, and will hide their horrible side until you are well in love with them.

What is up with the lack of females adding to the comments? There are a few, but I would think that this topic would have alot more posts than it does...I wonder if there is any particular reason???

I don't believe that she is still emotionally attached. I dated a guy much like him TEN years ago, only it didn't end well. I get very annoyed when he contacts me, because he is not a friend - he treated me badly and he doesn't deserve my friendship - I have enough really good friends. He still texts my cell number, which was a new number, so I'm sure he paid someone to get it. I texted back to stop contacting me. He found me on facebook and myspace, and I responded that I don't want to keep in touch and then deleted my accounts. I'd just like to have an online life without him! I mean it's been 10 years!

"You've just described a recent ex-girlfriend of mine ... so believe it or not, this happens with the genders reversed too."

DavidJ, I do believe it. Bad behavior is not gender-neutral. There aren't "bad men" or "bad women" out there, there are just people who behave badly.

Hi Amy,
Could you give me her e-mail? I need a new 2 am booty call. She can clean my pipes and I'll be her new (perceived) victimizer and she can boo-hoo to her friends(and you). Sounds like a fair deal.
-Chris

GET OVER IT!

How OLD are you??!!! GROW THE HELL UP!!

Our "self esteem" society has taught us that our opinion matters and our feeling count.Women in particular fell for and are falling for this. Get over yourself. This guy doesn't care what you think and never will, unless it results in a booty call. For some responders, making a decision (getting another boyfriend, hairdo, whatever) because of how he made you feel just shows that not even you believe the crap you are saying, and you want others to take you seriously?

Run with the used car salesman analogy that Amy gave. You got a half-disinterested contact from someone checking to see if you are still stupid and available. Ignore him or block him and he goes away. Express even half an emotion to him and he knows he has a hook in you.