Sounds to me like the LW is not all that attracted to the guy. If that's the case, then do both of you a favor and don't let the maybe-we-will-maybe-we-won't situation continue. Tell him that you've got work to do and you'll get in trouble if keeps hanging around. If you do think you might want to go out with him, give him your phone number and tell him to call in the evening.

How old is this guy, 17? Or is he 50? Some guys never develop in this area so it wouldn't surprise me.

Cousin Dave's got the right idea.

Great, succinct answer, Amy. I'm irked by those women's magazine headlines about how men will supposedly like it if women ask them out. Unlike the mags, you don't sugarcoat the truth in the service of some false idea of "empowerment."

Thanks, a reader. Appreciate that you get it.

And no, Cousin Dave, you don't do the work for him. Men devalue women who chase them -- or who appear to chase them. If the guy doesn't grow some balls, he doesn't deserve to date her.

Um, Amy, I like it when an appealing woman asks me out, but I am not shy about asking them out either.

Now, if I could jus get the trainwrecks to stop . . . (check mail Amy ;)

Keep spreading the word Amy. Dead on target.

Until about 2 years ago I worked with a drop dead beautiful 30 year old woman. She was tough, squared away, active, and *hated* waiting for the object of her desire to get busy and ask her out. So she asked.

She also ended up with (by her own admission) with the biggest string of losers you can imagine. She lost interest fast, and respect faster.

The light went on for her about 3 years ago. Like you say - flirt like mad and let the guy do the leading, and the asking.

Worked like a charm. Now she's head over heels for a guy with real stones - a very well educated Army helicopter pilot. Just what she needed. For her, it was tougher, since she's not needy, handles rejection easily, has a strong sense of who she is. She's also impatient. But the forms must be followed. And they worked.

Again - you are dead on. Keep up the good work.

Amy, I didn't say she should ask him out -- I actually think she should tell him she's not interested, since she doesn't seem to be. But if she is interested, she should drop a hint, and giving him a phone number and saying "you can call me later" seems like a reasonable hint.

Amy - If the devaluing women who ask men out theory is true, how do you explain internet dating? Because it seems the entire thing is based on actively seeking out a mate, whether male or female. Are the only "happy endings' advertised from when the man pursued the woman on line? I'm just curious as to what you think.

Men say they like when women ask them out -- and sure they do -- it's flattering. But, they tend to devalue women who do, although they may not know or admit it.

Hold on Amy, I never devalue women and I am neither denying it nor "unaware" of what I am doing.