While You Weren't Sleeping
Before I moved in with my long-distance boyfriend, his thrashing around in his sleep was an occasional issue. Now, I'm exhausted daily. I suggested I sleep in the guest room, but he sees that as a foreboding sign.
--Eyebags
Some people count sheep; your boyfriend chases them around the barn trying to wrestle them to the ground. While there are mattresses with individual "sleep numbers," you two could use one divided down the middle by one of those Plexiglas windows they have at the bank. What does it mean when a couple can't be unconscious together? Perhaps that one of them has a serious medical issue -- something a doctor should check out. Other than that, not a whole lot. Unfortunately, your boyfriend seems to be equating your need to avoid falling asleep behind the wheel with all that negative stuff you see on TV about the guy being deported to the couch. You can put a futon on the floor or sleep in another room and crawl into bed with him in the morning, then thrash around together while awake. The guy just needs to face the facts: He sleeps like a baby...great white shark trying to break into Jacques Cousteau's sharkproof cage.
He needs to get to a doctor.
brian at September 2, 2009 7:29 AM
meh - my guy and I have to sleep separately. He "logs" in his sleep. He works physically very hard and when he's unconscious he could knock me unconscious or try to haul my leg to the landing. I wasn't getting much sleep either and it just works for us to sleep in separate beds. Plus, my snoring wakes him up.
If your guy can't accept that you need sleep then meybe he better go back to being a long distance boyfriend.
Tori at September 2, 2009 7:48 AM
If its not noisy and only disturbing to be in the same bed, maybe that old fashioned looking two twins in the room thing would work? But I see no reason why she can't sleep in a seperate room.
moreta at September 2, 2009 8:09 AM
Getting two beds that can be pushed together sounds like the ideal solution, if there's no medical reason why he's so restless. Unless it's the sound of him twisting and turning that's keeping her awake. Then earplugs might help.
MonicaP at September 2, 2009 8:20 AM
I think brian's right, he should see a doctor, could be he's got some kind of sleep disorder. If it were only once in a while, no big deal. But every night? A little too much. Amy's suggestion of a futon on the floor might work, too, though.
Flynne at September 2, 2009 8:21 AM
It never ceases to amaze me that the person with the snoring, disorder, sleepHIV—whatever you want to call it—is usually the last to say: "Hey, I'm sorry I'm causing you all this grief. I will work towards finding a solution."
My ex (who snored—loudly) insisted I sleep in the same bed—or I didn't "love" him." That entailed wearing earplugs, audio earplugs hooked into a white noise generator, and finally a pillow wrapped around my head to hold it all in place. I suggested once that he try using on the sleep apnea machines—a CPAP—and was basically told it was "my problem" for not being able to get to sleep faster.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the LW go ahead and break up with her BF now, as opposed to later. His focus on the sleep-distance-as-problem rather than the sleep-problem-as-problem indicates to me that he knows what's going on, doesn't care, and that's that.
Razor at September 2, 2009 4:26 PM
It never ceases to amaze me that the person with the snoring, disorder, sleepHIV—whatever you want to call it—is usually the last to say: "Hey, I'm sorry I'm causing you all this grief. I will work towards finding a solution."
My ex (who snored—loudly) insisted I sleep in the same bed—or I didn't "love" him." That entailed wearing earplugs, audio earplugs hooked into a white noise generator, and finally a pillow wrapped around my head to hold it all in place. I suggested once that he try using on the sleep apnea machines—a CPAP—and was basically told it was "my problem" for not being able to get to sleep faster.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the LW go ahead and break up with her BF now, as opposed to later. His focus on the sleep-distance-as-problem rather than the sleep-problem-as-problem indicates to me that he knows what's going on, doesn't care, and that's that.
Razor at September 2, 2009 4:28 PM
It never ceases to amaze me that the person with the snoring, disorder, sleepHIV—whatever you want to call it—is usually the last to say: "Hey, I'm sorry I'm causing you all this grief. I will work towards finding a solution."
My ex (who snored—loudly) insisted I sleep in the same bed—or I didn't "love" him." That entailed wearing earplugs, audio earplugs hooked into a white noise generator, and finally a pillow wrapped around my head to hold it all in place. I suggested once that he try using on the sleep apnea machines—a CPAP—and was basically told it was "my problem" for not being able to get to sleep faster.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the LW go ahead and break up with her BF now, as opposed to later. His focus on the sleep-distance-as-problem rather than the sleep-problem-as-problem indicates to me that he knows what's going on, doesn't care, and that's that.
Razor at September 2, 2009 4:50 PM
I've never faced the issue myself, but an old friend faced a similar issue with her then-boyfriend. When he decided it really wasn't a serious issue (read: it was HER problem), she started waking him up every time he woke her up. Within two or three days, she told me, he'd changed his mind.
kay at September 3, 2009 10:53 AM
Kay - she had an excellent solution.
William (wbhicks@hotmail.com) at September 3, 2009 10:10 PM
My dearly beloved often grinds his teeth in his sleep, loudly enough to wake me up.
I usually just punch him repeatedly in the face until he stops. For some reason being smacked while asleep doesn't wake him up. It's also deeply satisfying.
Choika at September 6, 2009 6:24 AM
Agreed that it doesn't bode well that he isn't seeing the problem and trying to bar solutions! My ex snored loudly too and he was always profusely apologetic about keeping me awake.
Perhaps the LW should strap the guy down in full body bondage every evening. Or one of those vacuum sleep sacks...
Arwen at September 6, 2009 2:35 PM
I've always thought that any couple that lives together should have their own bedrooms, with locks on the door, to keep the mystery alive in the relationship. Also, nothing bugs me more than having to deal with someone stealing all the blankets and snoring. It also makes sex more interesting because you both can make an adventure out of it by visiting each other's rooms, or teasing and being teased and then locking them out.
Chrissy at September 9, 2009 1:15 PM
Razor writes:
My ex (who snored—loudly) insisted I sleep in the same bed—or I didn't "love" him." That entailed wearing earplugs, audio earplugs hooked into a white noise generator, and finally a pillow wrapped around my head to hold it all in place. I suggested once that he try using on the sleep apnea machines—a CPAP—and was basically told it was "my problem" for not being able to get to sleep faster.
I was reading the first paragraph of your response and realized you saddled yourself with a loser, a thoughtless clod who wasn't willing to seek help for his abnormality for your sake. Glad you woke and dumped the jerk.
And you're right. The LW should do the same.
Patrick at September 13, 2009 5:07 AM
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