My boyfriend and I have a year-old son. His two small boys (from a previous marriage) live with us on weekends. A while back, he cheated and gave me herpes. Had I not been pregnant with our son (unplanned), I would've left him. But, I believe once you're pregnant, it's not about you, so I'm trying to make it work. Unfortunately, I hold grudges and haven't been able to forgive him. Also, his parents, who live next door, hate me, and have never stopped trying to break us up. They expect him and the two boys at their house for dinner on weekends and many weekdays without me. They show nasty favoritism, spending $300 on a toy for the two boys, but gave my son dollar-store outfits they knew wouldn't fit. Because my boyfriend's mother watches the two other boys after school for very little money (and our son at times, too, charging me four times more), moving isn't an option.

If you discovered you were living over a radioactive waste dump, and Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler and a pedophile were moving in next door, I'm guessing your response wouldn't be, "Gee, pity we can't move." But, just add discount babysitting to the mix, and it's "So, Mr. Hitler, what brings you to the neighborhood?"

Beyond the childcare issue, you've got an incurable STD, a seemingly incurable grudge, the Wicked Witch of the 20 Feet To The West, and a plan -- sitting around feeling sorry for yourself until Junior goes to college. It seems you've heard that good things come to those who wait. True, but unless you're making a souffle or catching the bus, better things come to those who do something.

You do talk a good game -- how "once you're pregnant, it's not about you." Noble words. If you actually believed them, your kid would have doting grandparents -- the parents of the nice infertile couple you let adopt him after you gave birth. The real deal? You probably wanted a baby no matter what, and maybe thought it would be just the ticket to a little respect from the Evil Inlaw Empire. Not surprisingly, they immediately put him into grandchild steerage, and it doesn't sound that far-fetched to suspect they take the two boys to Disneyland, but when your kid comes over, they just take the childproof covers off the electrical outlets.

Your herpes may be a few billion research dollars from a cure, but a $19.95-a-day U-Haul will speed you, your kid, and your mommy- and daddy-whipped boyfriend across town to a living situation where you won't spend your afternoons screaming into a paper bag. You might move into a duplex with another family with kids or set up childcare-sharing with four other families (one for each day of the week). Tragically, coming up with solutions like these will require you to stop merely bemoaning your fate and actually break a sweat (don't worry, you won't hurt it).

But, first things first: Break up with your grudge and get back together with your boyfriend. You say you can't forgive him, but have you actually tried? You've got a kid; you can't just wait for your resentment to ebb away; you need to replace it with positive thoughts. There's increasing evidence of "neuroplasticity" -- the ability to chemically remodel your brain by repeatedly focusing on changing, then repeating new thinking and behavior. Act loving -- hug him, kiss him, tell him he's a great dad...repeatedly -- and it's likely you'll start to feel loving. You can then help him work on what he most needs to do -- admit that there's a right time to cut the umbilical cord, and well, better 46-and-a-half than never.

My boyfriend of three years wants to have single female friends and says I can have single male ones. I don't need single guy friends, but feel opposite sex friends are fine if we see them as a couple. Isn't that how it should work?

Unless your boyfriend's a German shepherd or an unruly 3-year-old, you don't get to keep him on a leash. If you're insecure, work on getting more secure. If you don't trust him, don't be with him. But, any grown man who isn't doing time should be allowed to meet, unsupervised, with any person of his choosing. You can't fulfill your boyfriend's every need, and he's going to relate differently one on one than he does three on one. The couple that shares everything and everyone...bores each other unconscious. You'll know you're in trouble when you feel dumb saying "Guess what, honey!" knowing there's no guessing needed by a man who's spent three years bolted to your side -- not just trying to keep from finishing your sentences, but trying to keep from starting them, too.

My girlfriend of two years just left me, saying she'd fallen out of love. Prior to leaving, she moved into my condo as part of our long-term plan to buy a house together. She insisted on many renovations, and I went along to make her happy. I put in $5,000, we borrowed $15,000 from my grandmother, and we both signed a contract to pay her back. Now she's gone, with $800 she cleaned out of our joint account, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt, and she refuses to pay. I'm being forced to sell the condo. To make matters worse, she confessed she'd had doubts about the relationship before moving in -- although she never voiced them; she just demanded expensive home improvements! But, this is all background. My problem is my friends, who met my ex through me. They know what happened, but tell me I have to get used to her being around because they intend to keep inviting her to parties. So, are these people really my friends? They speak words of friendship, but don't back them up.

You lost your love, you're losing your condo, and Granny's sending over two thugs to break your legs if she doesn't get her money or a great-grandchild by the first of the month. Your friends feel really bad for you -- just not bad enough to drag themselves out of the booth where they're drinking appletinis with your ex, who's got everybody in stitches with her stories of condo construction hell.

You approach love with the hopeless optimism of a degenerate gambler. You threw money you didn't have at a relationship you must've sensed wouldn't last, like treating it as a sure thing would make it one. In our e-mail exchange, you admitted that this girl had never shown much interest in anyone else's needs, including yours, and even neglected her cat. Hellooo, life partner! You also said she owes $40K on credit cards, $50K on student loans, and makes only $40K a year. Yes, here's a woman who has "great credit risk" written all over her...collection agency notices that come in the mail every day.

Of course, when a couple breaks up, their friends are sometimes lobbied so hard by both partners that they find it hard to figure out the real story, or they think it isn't their place to get in the middle. But, this wasn't a case of "We had communication issues" or "We were just brought up differently." She robbed you. There isn't a lot of nuance in that to parse. So, in addition to a love who didn't act all that loving, it seems you have friends who act like acquaintances. There's a common denominator here, and it's you -- a guy who'd rather not divide the people in his life into their proper categories: those who'll go to the ends of the earth for you and those who won't cross the living room.

You can have real love and real friends -- if you're honest about who's there for you and who's just there. Friends are people you can count on, anytime, anywhere, for ransom or bail. The rest are just warm bodies you bump into with some regularity. Sure, you call them friends -- but only because "Meet my friend Bob" is snappier and sounds nicer than "This is Bob, who really has nothing to say to me, so he sends me Internet forwards threatening me with seven years of bad luck unless I forward this to 10 more idiots."

I've gone on more dates with this girl than I've ever had with any other girl. I've always gone out for drinks, then to a girl's place or mine for no-strings-attached sex. When I make moves on this girl, she pulls away, saying, "It's too soon." I feel our dates have been a waste. I'm ready for a relationship, and like her enough, but I'm not sure how much longer I can play the dating game without sex.

You clearly have a sex deadline and it's somewhere around the five Jack 'n Cokes mark. What's with the extension for this girl? Are you really ready for a relationship or just not ready to admit there was one that got away, and with nary a button undone? For a guy who's been on more dates with her (what, two?) than anybody he's been with, you're pretty clueless about her motivation. So what is she waiting for? Commitment, a wedding, the cows to come home? You'd better tease it out of her fast so you can decide whether you'd best be on your way. As much as you say you like her, a woman who's saving it for marriage makes a poor partner for a guy who's saving it for the alley behind the bar.

My online dating profile clearly indicates that I'm a vegan. A woman I've been communicating with informed me that she eats a healthy diet, but enjoys meat and fish. Fine with me, but our first phone conversation became an inquisition about whether I would attempt to make her a vegetarian. She compared it to trying to convert someone to another religion. She got intense about it, despite my insistence that I don't proselytize. I finally conceded a belief that vegans are more evolved from a spiritual standpoint. She really went off about this, insisting that she wasn't about to let anybody change her. At one point, she even said that letting my cat go outside was as cruel as factory farming. Most amazingly, this happened after numerous pleasant e-mails.

We all have certain things that really push our buttons. Apparently, for this woman, it's that horrible, racist, sexist, in-your-face statement, "Hi, how are you?"

You lucked out. This woman's obviously out of her ground-beef-filled gourd. There's a perfect time to discover that, and it's before the first date. The thing is, she may actually be on to something -- albeit in a somewhat shrewishly hysterical way. Here you are, presenting yourself as this easygoing sprout-muncher who manages to maintain a live-and-let...murder small defenseless animals attitude. But, do you really? Like a lot of people hoping to maximize their dating possibilities, you try to be "open-minded," but how realistic is it to tell yourself you can be with a woman you'll kiss, then think, "Eeeuw, I can still taste that murdered cow"?

Come on...you aren't a vegan because you think clumps of seitan (boiled wheat gluten) taste so much better than pork chops. In fact, with a bit of prodding, you admit to feeling morally superior to us flesh-chomping barbarians. (Moral superiority -- always such a successful basis for a relationship.) Now, it's possible that you're The Stepford Vegan, able to sit placidly as a woman tears apart a live goat with her sharpened incisors. But, my guess is, it's only a matter of time until you look across the table at a girlfriend really enjoying herself as she swallows the last morsel of some dead animal, and go off on her: "Hey, I think you missed the dog! Want me to take his collar off so he's easier to chew?"

"Opposites attract" sounds good, but really only applies if you're two magnets trying to get together. For a relationship to work out, you have to be with somebody you respect, but not only that, somebody you actually admire. You can have differences, but you basically have to be excited about who they are, what they believe, and how they live. Painting yourself as tolerant and casting a wide net is a great idea -- if you're a generic person who "enjoys great wine, great food, and great conversation." Are there five people on the planet who don't?

To find a person you're compatible with, be honest about your dealbreakers ("must love dogs, but not braised, with a side of spring vegetables"). You might even restrict your online dating forays to a vegetarian personals site like VeggieDate.org. Just think, no more trying to forget that a date's wallet once roamed the tall grasses as part of a cow! She'll be right there with you in enjoying meatless fine dining, and then, on to McDonald's. No, not for a real meal, but for a moment of emotional bonding -- weeping and hugging as you watch a kid in the window chowing down on a Happy Meal.

I'm trying Internet dating, and a friend said I'd have better results on a site with a membership fee. With so many free sites, why would anyone ever pay?

The word "free" turns reasonably intelligent people into zonked-out morons. Tell people you're giving away free tacos (actual worth: 35 cents including labor) and they'll line up in the heat for an hour to get one. Offer them $1.35 to stand in a hot line for an hour, and they'll scowl and flip you off. There are good people on free dating sites. They're just crowded in among all the people who aren't seriously looking, but, hey, as long as it's free, they'll throw up a pic, kick back, and check their inbox when they're done swimming with the turtles in Galapagos. Sites with monthly membership fees, whether they're $50 or $15.99, draw those who are more serious about finding somebody, and give them incentive to hop to it. People say the best things in life -- love, friendship, moonlight -- are free, but so are the worst things: lymphoma, a really big overbite, and roadkill. If you're in any sort of hurry to get to the good stuff, it probably behooves you to pay the sorting costs.

Recently, you wrote about "female flirting moves recognized across cultures" -- smiling, making eye contact and looking away, toying with hair or objects, and touching a guy's arm. I disagree about them being "recognized." Female employers have made eye contact and even smiled, but that didn't mean they wanted a romantic relationship. If a woman toys with an object, it usually means she's restless and will soon tell me she has somewhere else to be. As for arm-touching, once, when I was on the phone with an auto insurance agent, a receptionist tapped my hand to remind me to mention something. In contrast, when I met my former girlfriend, she grabbed me in such a way that she clearly let me know where I stood with her. Perhaps I'm the only guy missing these signals; then again, I don't like riddles. I'm too shy to pursue a woman, so unless she makes some big move, we end up going our separate ways.

A girl practically has to sexually assault you to tell you she's interested -- or, as you put it, "grab" you in such a way that she "clearly" lets you know where you stand. Um...either she wants to be your girlfriend or your urologist?

These flirting moves are human universals, meaning women around the world do these things when they're attracted to a guy; it's not like women bang pots and pans together in China. They are typically subconscious signals for both the sender and receiver, and a woman will generally send more than one if her desire goes beyond helping you save a bundle on your car insurance.

While most men aren't keeping a running tally of a woman's flirting moves, humans who aren't on the autism spectrum have a capacity called "theory of mind." This is a sort of mind-reading -- an ability to guess what's somebody's feeling by observing their body language. If some man's red-faced and flipping you off, you know he probably isn't longing to buy you a steak dinner. If a woman's "toying with an object" -- say, frantically jiggling the locked doorknob of the supply closet you're both stuck in -- it's safe to assume she wants to go out, but probably not on a romantic, candlelit date with you.

If you can't hear what a woman's body language is telling you, it's probably because the loudest sound in the room is your low opinion of yourself. So, you're shy. So are lots of guys. Ask one of them how he got a girlfriend, and you won't hear "I stayed home complaining bitterly to my cat about being dateless, then this beautiful sweet girl came to my door, asked if I felt shy and resentful, and if so, could she be my girlfriend?"

You are free to wait for that rare woman who will grab you like she cares -- and wait and wait, because she'll probably be the lady who's paid to roll you over at The Home. The more you avoid what you're afraid of, the more you ingrain avoidance as your personal operating system and datelessness as your lot in life. If you really are signal-deaf, don't hit on women in your workplace, but hit on women everywhere else. There's no need to log hair-twirls; there's just finding a woman attractive and being man enough to chance 10 seconds of feeling foolish if she says no when you ask her out. Remember, dating's a numbers game. You could be the biggest worm ever to wriggle the planet, but if you try enough women, one of them will eventually be blind enough, drunk enough, or deluded enough to say yes.

My fiance broke off our engagement. The ring was his mother's. She's left messages, asking to talk -- probably about the ring, which my ex accused me of "hijacking." That bothers me, as does knowing the ring was never really mine. Friends are telling me to keep it.

Think of the ring like the toilet in your apartment -- something that's all yours, but not to take with you as a keepsake when you move on. Because it's jewelry, it seems like a gift, but it's really a symbol of the marriage to come. If nothing's to come, the ring should come off and find its way back to its original owner. Yeah, your fiance was a jerk. And it's tempting, when people are jerks, to jerk back -- which means letting who you are be dictated by others instead of living by your own standards. If you're just looking to keep the thing, be honest about it. Otherwise, maybe be glad you're only removing a ring, not looking for a tattoo artist who does decent enough cat and mouse heads to turn "Tom and Kerry Forever" into "Tom and Jerry Forever."