He's had a crush on her for two years? And he doesn't want to "rush into dating?"

Yes, once I ask her out, we will have sex!...providing she can wait a decade for us to decide if we're (snicker) a 'good fit.'

I met a guy once who claimed he liked to take things slowly. Which I could relate to. But when he didn't return my email or days later a phone call, then weeks later nonchalantly walked up to me in the gym to say "Hello, how are you? When can we get together again?" I basically told him to fuck off. Not in so many words, but when he asked why, I said, because he didn't return correspondence. His excuse was, "Now, I told you I take things slowly..." "Slowly" is not a synonym for "rudely."

True, he could have been scoping someone else out in those weeks and decided it didn't work out with his new prospect, but he still should have returned my call. I'm not going to be anyone's safety net to give them someone to hang out with while they look for someone better.

By the way, it's kind of funny that he uses the excuse that he was taking his time to make sure she was right for him, doesn't she get the opportunity to do the same, something she surely would have had if he had asked her out?

There's something really presumptuous in deciding that someone is right for you without allowing her the opportunity to do the same for you. "Hello. I've been watching you for close to two years and I've determined that you and I are compatible. Therefore, we should get married as soon as possible. By the way, my name is..."

Ironic that he doesn't see the monumental arrogance he's displaying with his approach.

Ironic that he doesn't see the monumental arrogance he's displaying with his approach.

That's an interesting take -- I hadn't considered the arrogance angle at all. It is kind of presumptuous to think that they'll all sit still for you while you make up your mind, like crullers at the bakery.

Boys, girls, they're moving targets with minds of their own, and one can't expect them to wait.

Is he sure that his only motivation in asking her out isn't jealousy?

Hey I love admiring you from a far for two years but all of a sudden you get a boyfriend and I want to make my move.

Sounds like grade school love to me. Chalking this one up to maturity issues.

Chalking this one up to maturity issues.

Maybe, maybe not. My eldest daughter (17 years old) just broke up with her boyfriend of a few months because "mom, he doesn't eat my life. I have other friends, and besides, we're not getting married and buying a house! He's just being too pushy." I said "Good for you. Don't let anyone tell you what you want to do." She's been out and about with her friends and as far as I can see, isn't looking to seriously hook up with anyone else right now. She's got the right idea, take it slow but don't get so wrapped up in one person that you forget everyone else. Her best friend has been doing just that, with the boy my daughter had gone out with over the summer. Crazy kids!

mmmmm...crullers.

LW sounds creepy. I wonder what kind of letter the neighbor would write to Amy about him?

Yup, creepy is the right word. How, unless he's been stalking her, could he possibly know anything about her? If you don't actually spend time with someone, a sane person could not come to such a conclusion. Coupla winners today, huh?

The young woman whose father does credit checks on her dates and this guy would be perfect for each other! LOL!

BTW, I guess I'm out of it, 'cause I have no idea what "eat my life" means.

"Eat my life" means "taking all your time and thought." If something eats your life, it's the focus of your existence, and you spend little to no time on anything else.

Chalking this one up to maturity issues.Maybe, maybe not.Posted by: Flynne at December 30, 2009 6:11 AM
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Maturity doesn't always come with chronological age like people tend to associate it with.
Your 17 year old daughter sounds way more mature than this guy.
My 7 year old daughter is more responsible, aka mature, than some 40 year olds I know.

old rpm daddy: That's an interesting take -- I hadn't considered the arrogance angle at all. It is kind of presumptuous to think that they'll all sit still for you while you make up your mind, like crullers at the bakery.

Boys, girls, they're moving targets with minds of their own, and one can't expect them to wait.

Not just expecting her to wait, but expecting her to agree.

Actually, it's not even to agree, because that implies she has an option to disagree. But to expect her to go along with it just because he says so.

"Okay, I've made up my mind. We're right for each other."

"Oh, okay. Just give me two minutes to call my boyfriend and break the news to him. Then we'll be together."

God forbid he should decide that they're compatible and she should decide they're not.

LW - I don't want to break anyone up

Liar.

(P.S. For those of you who've read my posts before, I'm experimenting with brevity.)

"I now see this girl's everything I'm looking for. Unfortunately, she now has a boyfriend."

So she's everything you're looking for, except available.

"I don't want to break anyone up, but I'd still like to say something."

Then say something. Though man up and be frank and honest, of course you'd like to break them up ... nothing to be apologetic about.

Answer is simple, just tell her you'd like to go out with her. You have nothing to lose really; worst case scenario she says no and you end up where you are now already. Best case scenario, she's interested enough in you to give it a shot and maybe her current boyfriend wasn't serious. Chances are extremely good though that you lost this one already, in which case, accept it. You can't make someone like you, and she almost certainly doesn't like you. Go look for someone who does, life's too short to pine after fantasies.

If she's not available or not interested, then it's over; cry in your pillow for a while then move on and look for someone else. The world is big, there are plenty of other "perfect" women out there. (None of them are, even though it might seem like it when you have a crush; crushes are largely fantasies in your head, that's what makes them crushes. I had a huge crush on a girl back in school who was back then easily and by far one of the few most beautiful women I've ever met (even still today) - I recently reconnected her with and she's now gotten fat and kind of boring and our personalities are now nothing alike :/)

"I recently reconnected her with and she's now gotten fat and kind of boring and our personalities are now nothing alike :/)"

One turn of events can reshape a person's entire existence. Had you and she connected back then, you never know what shape she would be in today - you might both be members at the local gym, play tennis, golf, etc. Your influence over her and v.v. could have changed her destiny. She might be a svelt goddess if you had only just married her :)

But more seriously, i cannot fathom why a guy would wait 2 years to ask someone out. Surely he must realize the err of his ways. It's kind of funny reading this type of letter. Has he never heard of the saying "carpe diem"?

"Your influence over her and v.v. could have changed her destiny. She might be a svelt goddess if you had only just married her :)"

Hehe, true, all possible. She did drop me her mobile no., maybe I'll give her a call and see if destiny can be reshaped :)

"reshaped" literally in this case.

When pointing out the faults of others, note how one finger points at them while three point back at you.
Time for introspection?
Are YOU happy at how you have shaped your own destiny? Or might it need some rehaping?
I can't imagine by your words how either of you could be an improvement upon her present condition.

Sense of humour transplant for joanne please...

I believe the comment left on jan 1st concerning Lobsters fat and boring friend from the past was told in truth. While the comments following were made in jest, at her expennse. But those jokes made about another are always the funniest when one dares not make them to anothers face.
Let the hilarity ensue at your next reunion.

joanne, hilarity usually does ensue at my social events, and often at my expense (especially when it's my family - younger sister is particularly cutting). I thought the Lobster was pointing out an unintentional pun in Bluejean Baby's post, and if that's offensive we may as well all give up now.

"I thought the Lobster was pointing out an unintentional pun in Bluejean Baby's post"

I had actually missed the pun completely, heh.

"When pointing out the faults of others, note how one finger points at them while three point back at you."

?? Actually I'm happy with how I've 'shaped' my own destiny (and body too, for that matter), so save your fortune-cookie advice for someone with a more acquiescent constitution, thanks.

"I believe the comment left on jan 1st concerning Lobsters fat and boring friend from the past was told in truth"

Oh, I see; indeed, I was just (rather neutrally) telling a factual story to make a point.

"Not just expecting her to wait, but expecting her to agree.

Actually, it's not even to agree, because that implies she has an option to disagree. But to expect her to go along with it just because he says so. "

Not that I disagree one whit with Amy's response, but let's not put words in the guy's mouth. Nowhere in the letter does he state that he "expects" anything. The LW might be many things, but there is no evidence for the kind of arrogance being discussed.