Oh, don't be so hard on the chap. He's probably a perfectly fine gentlemen that doesn't realize he's under the spell of the second most powerful human force there is- reproduction. "I love you" really means "I want to have sex with you." Schopenhauer argued that we should center our lives around love because it involves nothing less than the survival of the species. Without love there would be no sex. That's it. That's the truth of what's ongoing just below the surface of humans' minds. Anyway, I think she should just tell him to stop. If he won't/can't stop then teach him another fact about love- it's fragile. Don't drown it.

"I love you" every twenty minutes? Surely, that's an exaggeration.

"Without love there would be no sex"

Whomever Schopenhauer is, he's out of his mind! Who the heck could say such a thing with a straight face?

"Without a willing woman and a man with a dick that doesn't already have a very recent glaze on it, there would be no sex" -- Whistledick (2010)

Give the poor young lad a testosterone booster shot, and tell him that he should never, ever model his behavior on romantic comedies produced after 1965. Finally, tell him that he needs to shut up and be the strong, silent type.

That may help things a bit.

I look at my boyfriend and often get a powerful mix of emotions. I feel the chemistry, sure, but I also feel lucky and blessed, I feel comfortable and secure, I feel challenged and given the benefit of the doubt. These are powerful things that he *gives* me - and yes, it makes we want to say 'I love you' often.

I don't, I want to be less generic than that and I don't want words to become run of the mill.

My point is - that this impulse doesn't come for insecurity but from a knee-jerk way to express my feelings over the wonderful things he chooses to give me.

Two points..

No offense to the LW, but he's probably not actually in LOVE with her after three months.

She's obviously not feeling whatever he's feeling, which is why his behavior is annoying.

The LW might want to subtly inquire on whether what she's experiencing is a consistent pattern w/ her bo. In my experience, people who behave that way tend to run hot then cold. The clingy behavior is their way of trying to force the intensity of the relationship, like they're rehearsing a dramatic love affair. But once the initial blush of the relationship fades, they lose interest. They're people who want to be love struck.

Are you sure he's not a girl?

My fiance tells me he loves me quite frequently. I haven't counted the minutes in between. Definately before hanging up the phone or leaving, even if he might've only been here or talking to me for 20 mins. It wouldn't occur to me to count how many times or how often because, feeling the same, I'm glad to hear it.

And we had lots of long phone conversations when we were first getting to know each other. Those are a fun part of courtship.

Sounds to me that this is another LW who just isn't that into the other person and wants to blame him/her for it. Be a grown up and just end it. If his "I love you's" creep you out after only 3 months, then you clearly don't feel the same. Plenty of women have complaints over never hearing "I love you" from the man they love.

I'm not so sure that she's just not into him; it seems more like if he continues this behaviour she won't be.

I get the part about the phone calls. I'm not a talkative person in that regard either, but then I'm an introvert and so for some meaningful separation, or downtime, is important for me.

The thing about introverts is that we sometimes attract people who misunderstand us. It's ironic, but introverted behaviour can be mistaken for an alluring kind of mysteriousness.

People think of introverts as "deep". I've had men look deeply into my eyes and tell me how mysterious they find me. Or, that I'm an "enigma" to them. You know, no one wants to break a romantic mood, or make fun of a man in a moment like that, but the reality is that I feel like laughing out loud and saying, "Hell no, I'm a huge bore...just wait and you'll find out."

Being distant is an aphrodisiac for some people and it's an aphrodisiac that I think the LW wants to turn off. I think she's just trying to figure out how to do it.

Without love there would be no sex

Tell that to my 20s.

Sorry, but somebody who says "I love you" with such frequency isn't expressing love but insecurity. I lucked out in the boyfriend department...really, really, really lucked out, as anyone who's met Gregg would probably tell you. Love him, worry about him (that he'll forget to lock his car doors and get jacked when he's in Detroit, for example), and I am very affectionate with him (sit next to him in a booth in restaurants if we can get one, and touch him and kiss him a lot), but in living life, you just aren't going around thinking "I love you" every 20 minutes.

Also, at the three-month mark, you don't really know another person, and you can't love somebody until you know them. At the six-month mark in my own relationship, I was looking at it, questioning it, making sure it was based on the right things and not just loneliness (I hadn't found anyone quite right, so I'd been mostly alone for eight years prior). I also figured out everything I could about Gregg that was not ideal or a little annoying to see if I could live with that stuff. (It isn't how funny or how sexy or how great in bed somebody is that breaks you up.)

Strap on a dildo, and fack him really hard one night. I think he will be less clingy after that.

You could also eat a lot beans, and say your "No Farts" medicine is making you ill, and you have stopped taking it. Farts away, and he will back off.

Hubby and I have had SO MUCH fun with this column....ever so often he'll turn to me and ask: "has it been 20 minutes yet?" or "Am I being too clingy?"

Truth is, (even after 19 years) while he does frequently remind me that he loves me, I have no illusions about the fact that "love" will quickly disappear in the absence of a willing sex partner. But in case I should forget, he reminds me of that, too.

I am always surprised by those who think that it would work any other way.

@BOTU

Your comment had me laughing like a fool and I keep giggling. Thanks for the laugh!