Reading between the lines here, it sounds like LW frequently hangs out with the men sans the other wives and relishes her roles as "one of the guys." Maybe they genuinely enjoy her company; maybe she's a special snowflake who insists on forcing herself on the group even when the other wives have the social etiquette to back off. But either way, it's hardly appropriate or polite to host a significant, planned event and have her be the ONLY wife invited. This would be an excellent opportunity for LW to reach out to the female half of the couples and plan an alternative activity or get-together, instead of sitting at home sulking because she can't go on every single playdate.

Please tell me there isn't really a nail polish called Nudist Colony...

A man needs a fish like a bicycle needs his wife coming along to the strip club!

Letterwriter should call some friends and go out herself.

Problem solved.

Let me guess. She'll choose the restaurant and the movie.

Am I weird because I LOVE it when BF goes out with his buddies and leaves me to my own devices??

OMFG. I only share my house with DBF on the weekends. Do I give a rat's ass who he hangs with Monday-Thursday? NO. God, get a semblance of trust there, sweetie, or dump him already. Wow.

If you feel he can't be trusted, either your radar is really good, or you're damn insecure. Figure out which one it is, but either way, leave him. You are not his dream girl.

Just sayin'.

Flynne, not at all.

Daghain, the LW isn't questioning whether her husband is being faithful or not. She's sad that the big boys don't want to play with her.

I'll second that, Kendra. I read this as more of a "if he doesn't want to do everything with me, then he might not really love me" letter than one about not trusting him on his own.

I'll second Shannon and Spartee here, too. LW, if the male halves of those couples are busy, then the female halves may not be. Why are you angry and hurt at being one of many wives not invited? The guys may enjoy your company, but they have a right to get together without wives present, just as you have a right to doing things without your husband, though you aren't exercising it. If you get something in your life separate from your husband, I bet you'll ease up on the anger and hurt. You can love each other without being in each other's faces all the freaking time.

I also find it particularly telling that Hubby said explicitly that she wasn't invited. Meaning, I surmise, that he and his friends have been discussing how she wants to always be included in their outings. LW, if your husband has to tell you flat out that you can't come to a guys' night out, then you need to examine your own behavior.

I love it when my hubby goes out with his friends. He's a busy guy, and he deserves a night out to play occassionally. I am also a very busy person. My nights off are usually spent with hubby which is great but sometimes I just want to sit in front of the tv and drink some wine and not have to talk to anyone. Him going out gives me the space to do that undisturbed. When he comes home, he's usually in a great mood (read: horny) and I am feeling relaxed and a little randy myself. It gave us both just enough space to miss eachother. It's a win win.
Let him miss you LW. He can't miss you if you are always there.

Perhaps I'm weird because I don't have boys nights out, just friends nights out. I don't care who comes, partners, my own female friends, whatever, anyone who is happy to participate. Ok, if they don't want her there that's fair enough and she just has to get used to it. But it mystifies me. I certainly don't give a damn if my friends bring their partners. Fine by me, as long as they're willing to cope with me.

It probably helps that I don't behave any differently either way - and they all know it. I'm still the nice but somewhat off-colour person I always am. I know that others aren't like this so admittedly I segregate my friends sometimes out of deference to their own preferences (there are some I know it's a bad idea to put in the same room together).. That's probably what's happening here.

... sometimes I just want to sit in front of the tv and drink some wine and not have to talk to anyone.

YES. When my boyfriend announces he's doing something "with the guys," my first thought is: "Sweet. Ima get me some Pho and catch up on Teen Mom."

Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with wanting some time apart from your SO - I think that's a great idea. Everyone needs their space, and that alone time is good for you. I just don't understand the concept of "gender restricted" nights out. It doesn't mean anything to me. Nights apart from your BF/GF, fine. Nights with no women there - why? Who cares?

"...the plan was dinner and a movie..."

Do you think they're going to Applebee's and then catching the latest Jennifer Aniston flick?

hahahaha!

@Sofar: Teen Mom! Sounds like the perfect train wreck to witness while the hubby's out...definitely done that :)

I just don't understand the concept of "gender restricted" nights out.

Neither did I, until a few of my friends got married and moved to the suburbs. That's when they started wanting to organize 'guy' outings. I think that the reason is twofold. They needed for the event to be organized & all male in order to justify leaving their family for the night or weekend, while not worrying the wife. She's not going to let you go on a weekender by yourself with other women.

The second reason is that they need a break from being around women and children all the time. Social life in the burbs is all about mommies and kids. It's totally dominated by the women. So it's not surprising that the men want to get away once in a while.

Pill, I'm not married and will never have kids. So that probably explains it. Thanks!

I suppose my friends seem to be a bit more relaxed - I often go out on a fortnightly guys' catch up after work on a Tuesday night, then go back for dinner with one of the guys and their young son. Sometimes his partner joins us at the pub, sometimes we meet her at home. Either way I get along fine with both of them (I knew them both at uni, they got together in the last couple of years and good luck to them). The other guys have to run off fairly early to get back to their wives, we joke about "having to leave to keep the ball and chain happy" but no one really means it. Their partners just don't like that atmosphere.

She's not going to let you go on a weekender by yourself with other women.

Bit of a problem for me, half my close friends are women. Someone I was seeing recently arced up about that, and I laughed down the phone and told her there was no chance that anything was going on between xxx and me. Take it or leave it.

Both of this week's letters sound suspiciously like people shopping their problems--could have sworn I read them on Dear Prudence too.

@LTW - I think you nailed it. "Guys night" is important for married dudes (like me) because most of my friends, frankly, don't want to cheat on our wives. A "mixed" night is far more likely to result in an unwise situation.

Nno man can fight temptation forever. Best we can do is avoid temptation.

@snakeman99 - I have zero temptation for most (important distinction!) of my female friends. The afore-mentioned friend sleeps in my bed regularly - when she hasn't brought a guy home that is, in which case I take the couch until morning or when she kicks him out, whichever comes first. We snuggle up together and sleep like little, extremely drunken, babies.

You may be right however. I can't see my lifestyle going over well with a wife. But temptation is not the issue, at least not for me.

Am I weird because I LOVE it when BF goes out with his buddies and leaves me to my own devices??

Posted by: Flynne

Depends on the type of devices you use while alone

Well, and here's another take: the wives are tired of wondering what LW is doing with their husbands on boys' night out -- and Birthday Boy was specifically instructed to dis-invite her! Happens.

@lori m. lol and I can't watch it while he's in the apartment because the screaming and crying he hears coming from the television terrifies him.

It sounds like LW is too dependant on her husband for her social life. I could see that she might feel snubbed if she were the ONLY wife/girlfriend excluded from the festivities, but she's not. I don't want my husband coming along for Ladies' Night at the wine bar. People already mentioned that she could do something with the other wives, or catch up on reality TV or The Tudors, or plan vacations and shop online. But don't whine about not being able to tag along.

broncochar has it right.

Imagine telling your wife your going out with the guys. She responds appropriately and doesn't go. When she asked you how the night went, who was there, etc, she finds out LW was there. Now YOUR wife is hurt, angry, and feeling exactly the same way LW is now.

It's not at all your fault, but now you have to deal with a hurt and angry wife. Thanks, LW. The dis-invite is completely appropriate and LW shouldn't have put his husband and his friends in the uncomfortable position to issue it.

LW, this is what happened. It's not that they don't like you or enjoy your company.

Sorry, should've read "her husband".

This sounds like a rephrasing of another recent letter? Anyway, love the title .. "Take A Rein Check" .. clever.

Agree with whistleDick completely.

Another factor here is that if some of the couples have kids then it may be cheaper and logistically easier to have designated men-only/women-only events. "Taking turns" for nights out saves on the price of dinner and a second movie ticket as well as the cost of a babysitter, which can easily run $60-$100 for a single night.

My husband and I are friends with several couples. He hangs out with the men of this group once a week, and I occasionally join them. Recently, for one of the guys' birthday...

Is it just me, or does that sound like the lead in to a porno story?

Yeah. She either wants to be one of the guys, or she wants to be the queenbee in the men's locker room.

Considering how much she gossips, I can see her being disinvited, particularly if she recently shared some 'guy talk' with the SO or the other wives.

I agree with whistledick and Shannon on various problems and logistical issues

ahw: It could be she doesn't LIKE other women. I've had a few friends who prefer the company of men for reasons which I am not professionally qualified to examine.

broncochar: EXACTLY! See comment about porno story above...combined with what whistle said and she's digging herself and her hubby into a couple social hole.

Lots of valid reasons to do this, LW. And some not. Do you really want to sit through 'Pedro the Naughty Burro' show?

Tell you what? Every time you are having coffee time with one of your friends where your lower your voice and start to get intimate dirt...imagine that suddenly your husband bursts in and sits down. He want's his coffee time.

Excuse me. What I meant to say in the previous post was 'If she gossiped inappropriately about some guy talk, which could happen, I can see her being disinvited from further guy things'. Nowhere does it indicate she gossiped.

LW--I felt excluded some in college when I thought my bf's friends were my friends, but learned that it was different. They still liked me, but sometimes it was just Boy's Club. It's not personal, unless it is. Give them the benefit of the doubt; try to think it's not personal. Otherwise, you'll end up resenting them, or trying to figure out which ones don't "like" you, as I did with the college boys. I realize years later that they were just guys being closer and more comfortable with guys, even if I was a special snowflake and awesome and a guy's girl.

Now that I'm older and married, I much prefer girls for friends. Minimizes weirdness.

sofar--My husband is going out of town next weekend and I have been planning my Teen Mom marathon for weeks! He can't stand the screaming and crying either. Heehee!

I could get where she is coming from, if the situation is right. She is part of a group where she probably feels more comfortable. Men are more "fun" to be around than women - especially if those women have kids and you don't!! So it would suck to be left out of something fun with the guys when the other option is hanging around the women, listening to kids stories and PTA problems.

@ Ltw (Apr 27 @ 10:40) ... your female friend will bring a guy (any guy?) into your bed whist you sleep on the couch (to accommodate them) and then you join her after she kicks him out?

I knew someone who allowed friends to sleep in his bed... he ended up with crabs. This story struck too close to home for me; it is just prudent to be cautious.

Geesh, Ltw... i hope you're doing regular laundry - like, right after the they both leave - and make sure you use boiling hot water to kill those crabby cakes, ok?

It could be she doesn't LIKE other women. I've had a few friends who prefer the company of men for reasons which I am not professionally qualified to examine.

That's not so uncommon. I've had a few girlfriends who prefer hanging out with men, or mixed groups, rather than women alone. I have the impression that they found other women kind of taxing. This seems to be especially common for women who are very intelligent. If what I've seen of women's media is any indication (e.g. The View), then I can't blame them.

We all take risks in life Bluejean Baby. You're right I suppose, but I'm not too worried about it. I could bring someone home myself and catch crabs too - or worse. At least there isn't much else you can catch from contact with sheets, and it's treatable.

Not trying to make enemies here, Ltw, just sayin... it's not just the sheets i'm talking about re: spooning the left overs.