I love how she's supposedly concerned about the decor of the house rather than the fact he shares it with his ex-wife. Right.

Yes, he is obviously a totally uncaring brute. You should break it off immediately. Now. Do not pass go. It is obviously intolerable that he puts your picture where he might play with Mr. Happy or the place where he might share intimate moments with you. The CAD!

(Bro, I'm trying to save you here. When she dumps you, RUN!)

I love how she's supposedly concerned about the decor of the house rather than the fact he shares it with his ex-wife. Right.

Exactly. But it's hard to bitch much about him taking a few tens of thousand dollars of loss in real estate when she can use a nightstand photo to make him twist in the wind without sounding totally unreasonable. Oh wait...she is.

He still shares ANY house with his ex-wife? Might be a few unresolved issues on HIS part.

I may have the wrong idea, but the image I have in my head is of a weekend place that they each use on separate weekends. It sounds like they have kids together and it would be entirely appropriate for the ex-wife's picture to be any place at all in the house.

If I have the general idea right, then you definitely should say something. You should ask him why he'd be so inconsiderate as to position your picture where it has to be the last thing the ex-wife sees at night during the weekends that she is using the shared family space.

@LW:

>>Should I say something?

Yes! Say you'd prefer your picture in the dog house.

"He still shares ANY house with his ex-wife? Might be a few unresolved issues on HIS part."

Sounds like a vacation home, and, in this economy, many people can't get their ex OFF the loan. The banks won't allow it, and neither party can refinance because the house isn't worth anywhere close to what is owed. I know several people stuck in this scenario with an ex.

OMG, LW. Why don't you find a guy who is so totally into you that he blocks all else from his mind and life??

How freakin' selfish can you be?

Get a grip. He put your picture on the nightstand next to his bed, so that he can see it, and you're actually bitching about it. Grow up. If you don't you're in for world of hurt more dire than this. (And if he dumps you, you have only yourself to blame.)

Someone who thinks that pictures of his dog and trips with colleged buddies are 'unimportant' compared to studio pictures of relatives is pretty dumb.

I can't believe you'd make an issue out of this - if she's this bad now, I can't wait to see how she handles things like seating arrangements at Christmas and how to split holidays. Argh. Go ahead and say something - if you want to out yourself as the emotional black hole that you are.

@Choika

No kidding! I knew we were in for the long haul when my now husband put my picture next to the one of his dog!

I agree. LW is being ridiculous, not to mention clueless. Everyone knows that the place beside the bed is the most significant. When you've made it there, you rank pretty high in a guy's mind and heart. The only reason he had photos of his dog or buddies there was because he previously didn't have a girlfriend important enough to display. ESPECIALLY since he's sharing the house with his ex, the fact he placed a photo of LW on his nightstand is a clear sign of love. How she can not view it this way is beyond me.

Seriously, you'd rather be in the hallway with the relatives? Somehow, I suspect that if he'd put a photo there, you'd be pissed it wasn't in the bedroom.

See, this is one of those situations where someone is giving clues about what kind of person they are. LW is getting ready to have A TALK about where her picture sits. If boyfriend is smart, he gets out NOW.

Anyone who ranked high enough to be displayed by my cats should feel honoured - and anyone who could replace my dearly departed on my phone should be thrilled.

You're not a family member yet which is why you aren't on the family wall.

There are lots of guys with stuffed moose and deer heads on the walls of their dens. Hanging on the wall isn't the best thing that could happen.

The problem I see here is that LW believes that pictures of his dogs and trips with college friends are unimportant.

You notice that she didn't say HE told her they were unimportant (I know, Amy gets much more than she posts, but I think that distinction would have shown up here). SHE said they were unimportant. In my opinion, this is the mark of the type of woman who is going to try to separate him from all of his friends, and possibly even his dogs.

She wants to be considered family, but dogs and friends are background, not important. If I could, I would tell her boyfriend to run.

I completely agree with WayneB and Choika, she has his priorities backwards.

The pictures of his family and ex are in the hallway because he considers them all to be pains in the ass but still feels obligated to put their pictures somewhere.

His trips with college buddies and his dogs are things that bring him happiness, so he puts their photos in a place where he will see them more often.

She should be glad he put her picture with the other "happy place" pictures.

You know what really, really bothers American women?

Everything.

They share a vacation house. Since the housing bubble burst, there's no way he should sell in this market. And as long as he and his ex aren't sharing a bed up there, I don't think that's a problem. Also, why is she hurt at all? Because her picture isn't up with the relatives? I don't get it. She's NOT a member of the family, and since the Ex still owns half the house, it would be horrible of boyfriend to demand her picture go up in the hallway along with the rest of the family.

That whole "unimportant" label is worrisome to me, too. I'll just say "amen" to those who've talked about her issue there. All in all, if I were going to give the boyfriend any advice, I would probably say this: RUN!

The real issue is not about where her photo is placed. That is just a subterfuge. LW is obviously feeling "less than" or unimportant for some reason. Maybe this is all in her head or maybe not. We can't know how the boyfriend treats her otherwise. The mistake she is making is focusing on the photo placement rather than why she is experiencing these emotions.

LW needs to ask herself: Is her boyfriend consistently showing her affection and putting her first? If so, she should evaluate why she is feeling so insecure in this relationship without reason.

If not - if perhaps he still seems to have feelings for the ex or isn't treating LW well - then, maybe there are some things to discuss, but the photo is not one of them. It would only seem extremely petty. Address the larger issues of what he is/isn't doing that is leading to these insecurities. But only after carefully considering whether they are valid.

We have a woman here who does not understand the relationship between man and dog.

Ditch her.

@Niki - that's adorable!! My dearly beloved has a picture of his ex-girlfriend in the living room - because one of his beloved cars is in the photo. And I really don't care!

If he's like most guys, the presence of the photos of the ex on the wall elsewhere in the house means one of two things:

A. She represented an important and happy time in his life that he doesn't mind remembering, or even enjoys remembering. In which case getting upset about it is a good way for this woman to reduce her in his eyes.

Unlikely, but one of two major possibilities.

B. He has long since ceased to even notice that the photo is up there.

The most likely scenario.

Chances are very good that she's seeing the room the way a woman does, filled with significance in every little detail, and obsessing about hidden meanings. He probably sees it the way a guy does, "My t.v. is over here, and it takes just a minute to get the beer and get back. I'm set."

Good heavens. LW is featured by the dogs! And by the bed! And she does not have the wits to conclude that that is very good. She should definitely worry, because she is with a man who does not see how shallow and foolish she is. Poor guy. She thinks dogs are "unimportant." God only knows what other misconceptions she harbors.

"Should I say something? Hurting"

The 'best' part is she isn't even asking whether or not you think she is being irrational. Oh no, that's not even a question, the question is apparently "if" she should "say something" or if she should just "let it slide".

LW needs therapy, and I say that in a serious, non-mocking, non-exaggerating, just telling-it-like-it-is way.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm on the extreme side even for a guy, but the last thing I even think about in any given day (or month, or year), ever, is household photos. If I put a photo of you on the nightstand, it would almost certainly mean I think you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

I dont keep photos. Period. I'll keep a digital copy, but a picture frame is just another peice of junk I have to clean periodically ad infanitum

Lobster and luj make a good point: the photo was framed, and he framed it on his own before putting it on his nightstand. A guy takes the time to frame a photo of you, and isn't displaying it around the house like a trophy, and isn't doing it just to put on a show for you...get off his back.

Who looks at the photos in the hall? Those are the ones you put out for visitors to look at. The only photos that 'really matter' are in the bedroom where you can/will see them every day. This chick is a fool. Being placed with the dogs (who, lets face it, he's probably known longer and- unlike you- offer unconditional love and their neediness is cute) is an honor that this woman doesn't even deserve. And you trumped college friends? HOW DO YOU NOT GET THAT IS A WIN?!