I'm 23, and I realized that I don't know who I am.

Short version - "I'm 23".

As much as I loathe the "getting in touch with myself" "I need to find myself" type expressions (they get used far too often as an excuse for loafing and navel gazing), there's nothing unusual about being uncertain where to go in life in your early 20s. Work, find some interests you like, keep up with friends (I'm guessing you may be one of those that gets so absorbed in a new boy that your friends don't hear from you for six months). Purpose in life will come naturally.

and my world became all about "body alignment" and Pilates and whatever else he was preaching.

One more piece of advice - stay away from anything even vaguely cult-like!

"The Top 10 Reasons Why men Should Avoid Princesses" is in the March archives at Shrink4men.com.
Number 1 on the list: There's nothing there!
Too bad, most women today fit the description of a "princess" (small "p")-- they don't have any self identity. Their lives are all about their "friends", hence the ever-present cell phones. Passions and pursuits are foreign words to them. They marry at 23, and never progress as they get older. The men they latch on to often have great things going on in their lives, but they're forced to give that all up "Because we're MARRIED now!" Fifteen years go by, they're now divorced, and the first thing we're told to do is get back to those hobbies and pursuits that made us who we were before. What do women do? They latch on to another vibrant man with an active lifestyle to be stripped of.
Disclaimer: Even though the S4M article vilifies Princesses, most of the ones I've known were genuinely decent people. They just never learned how to be *more*.

Eh. I think that's kind of harsh, jefe. The LW understands there's a problem and wants to solve it, so she's already more self-aware than a lot of people. Being 23 years old is curable.

I'd also like to see your source material for determining that "most women" have no interests of their own.

Sounds like Jefe surrounds himself with pretty (empty) faces, then blames womankind for his inability to find a gal who has passions of her own.

But Amy's advice is great. I did what her radio show guest did, when I was around 26, after a 4+ year relationship that had dead-ended. I had had passions but put them aside for too long...it wasn't the guy's fault, it was my own tendency to be distracted and disconnected with myself. And living alone and being on my own worked. I was single for awhile, had some fun, figured it out, and got back on track.

When I brouse the profiles at PoF, I keep asking "Why would I want to contact this person?"
I learned about the "Half Pie" metaphor, years ago, that applies to people who haven't got real lives. It applies to anyone, male or female.
People who are Whole Pies find each other and stay together. That's the point here.
That's why I keep meeting mostly Half Pies!
Hey, I never claimed to have a real life, either.

Wasn't this the storyline in that Julia Roberts / Richard Gere movie, Runaway Bride?

Sorry, but who the hell knows who they are at 23? So you spent 2 years following the band—it's not the end of the world. As long as you learned some lessons and don't repeat the same mistakes (which you probably will), who cares? I completely agree with the first response. It's not like you're going to lift a rock one day and suddenly "find yourself." It's a gradual process, and the person you'll find is not the person who even wrote this letter. Now go shag and drink and have some fun before you turn 30 and it all goes to shit.

To LW:

Try to be with people who do not punish you were being yourself and not being a cult-follower.
Promoting a band and writing songs sure is more "authentic" than "shagging and drinking".
Maybe you just need a regular time alone ---
say, every Wednesday.

To David:
"Now go shag and drink and have some fun before you turn 30"

Now, now, why having fun is "shag and drink"?
Why not "quantuim physics and painting"?

Because people who enjoy painting arent god, ususally, and thse who enjoy quantum anything are usually crazy

So when does the fishing about stop? I'm 42 and not much further along in my answers to [my] life, the universe, and everything, than I was at 22 (you would think it would happen by 42, you know?). I feel like Thomas Edison - I've figured out a lot of ways to live my life that don't work.

I am, at least, more badass now, and take a lot less shit than I did at 22. And I like not being afraid of people, no matter how rich or successful or beautiful they are. Just wish I had a little more direction to make that badassedness more useful.

I've said for decades that the Curse of Being Female is that, regardless of your upbringing, the background message the culture gives you is that if you can just find a man, any man, to attach yourself to, you will be spared the hard, scary, confusing work of becoming a fully differentiated responsible adult human being.

I have also, during those decades, told my male friends to run like hell from any girl who thinks that Getting a Man is synonymous with Getting a Life. Get involved with a girl like this, and any time she doesn't like her life, guess whose fault it is?

Hey Angel - 42 is of course the answer to life the universe and everything. Just confirm it in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy'

Also 42.

Haven't figured it all out yet, but no longer care.

Mere Mortal, you seem to have missed the part where I said "and go have some fun." If quantum painting is LW's version of that—have at it. I bet she had some good times with the band (socially, if nothing else), songwriting can be cathartic and lead to other ways of artistic expression, and what exactly is wrong with Pilates, anyway?

Haven't figured it all out yet, but no longer care.

That's probably the answer.

"Sorry, but who the hell knows who they are at 23?"

Sorry, some of us do... By 23, I had finished one tour (enlisted) in a special ops group; was on the way to being commissioned in the Army, was married, and expecting our first child.

30+ years later; retired US Army, psychometrician, married to the same lady, we had 3 children and between the 5 of us managed to acquire 6 Bachelor's degrees and 3 Master's. PHd pending.

The trick is to know where you want to be in 30 years. The rest is easy.