What she's really looking for is "closure". She doesn't realize, when someone goes *poof*, THAT is all the "closure" she needs.
Women do this all the time, so don't scab on men for doing it, too.

Actually, I think what she's really looking for is reassurance that she was dating an upstanding human being. No, she's not going to get it. She felt better for a bit by doing unto him, but she's not actually that petty, so she felt bad about it. I do agree that she wanted confirmation that it was really over, but your dismissive attitude made me not at all surprised to read the rest of your post, jefe. "Don't rag on [members of one gender] for doing what [members of other gender] do" is useless, if not actually counterproductive. Amy's advice is much better: act like an adult, and you at least have the assurance that you behaved as best fit the situation, since you can't control what the other person does. Well done.

I think we should "scab" on anyone that does this, man or woman.

It's cowardly and discourteous. If it's over, then do the right thing and tell them that. The only consolation I could offer LW is that if that's big of a jerk, she should consider him "bullet dodged."

I agree with Patrick. For the same reason that if I meet someone, and they ask to borrow $20, and I give it to them and never see them again, I figure it was worth it.

Who needs the aggravation? The idea of ending it classy, as Amy suggested, should be the way to go. Always.

I prefer the fade-outs to the big scene, myself. I don't get why people want to be dumped in person, especially if it's someone you've just been with a few months.

For a long, serious relationship it is different, but for a short thing? I dont want him to see my face or see me cry.

If it's any consolation, he's probably stalking you on Facebook.

Three months of dating warrants him making a phone call, telling her they're not compatible and wishing her the best.

Plus, if I were in his shoes, I'd much rather have an awkward, quick conversation to end things than spend weeks getting texts from a person who I'm not attracted to. Surely a one-minute call would take less time and stress than having to come up with new excuses for every text she sends him.

Sadly, gradually breaking off communications and 'disappearing' is an excellent way of ending a relationship if you have already tried to end the relationship in a decent manner, but which the other party refuses to accept.

This hilarious (and probably NSFW if sweary words are a problem for your workplace, even sweary words sung by cute girls with ukuleles) nails it. I have been guilty of the Fadeaway myself, and am never super proud of it . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr8HKRTavM0

Sadly, gradually breaking off communications and 'disappearing' is an excellent way of ending a relationship if you have already tried to end the relationship in a decent manner, but which the other party refuses to accept.

False. If you've ended things the decent way, and the other party refuses to stop calling and texting, you are permitted to move immediately to the "ignore/block method."

Their ages are relevant. This used to happen to me when I was younger, and I think I did it to other people, too.

Parents should teach their kids to behave, as NumberSix put it, like "upstanding human beings." But they don't.

So people don't learn to behave properly until they've been shit on a few times themselves and found out how much it sucks. The ones with IQs above room temperature will extrapolate from "I didn't like it when it was done to me" to " ... therefore, I shouldn't do it to other people either."

When I got older I didn't run into this very often.

NicoleK: I prefer the fade-outs to the big scene, myself. I don't get why people want to be dumped in person, especially if it's someone you've just been with a few months.

I understand not wanting to make a big scene out of it, Nicole, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.

Even if the guy just does it by email, at least you won't have any period where you're wondering if something happened to him or he's just been tied up or something. You'll be able to move on right away.

Anathema, I loved the video. And it does indeed nail it. (But only one of them was using a ukelele. The other was using an acoustic guitar.)

Sofar is correct. If the person isn't willing to let the relationship die, despite you're telling them that it's over, it's time to block them from your cell phone, email, etc. And if they start showing up at your home, it's probably time for a no trespassing order and a restraining order.

Besides, under those circumstances, why would you think that "fading away" would even work?

And as Pirate Jo points out, anyone with common sense will quickly figure out that it sucks to be on the receiving end.

"Is it a no-no to just cut off communication to break up?"

LW, it is, but it sounds like your ex-BF already cut you off, so it left you without too many options. The only thing I might have done different is send an email or a phone call saying what Amy said. Then, if he contines to try to string you along, cut him off. Having said that, I understand how you must feel and I can't really blame you for what you did.

When I was in college, I did something similar a couple of times, only I was even worse--after a date every week for a couple of months, I just quit calling the girl, cold turkey. (This was long before cell phones, and the girls didn't have my phone number, so I never saw or heard from either of them again.) I still feel bad about it, some 45 years later.

I kinda agree with Nicole, after such a short period of time, I don't see it as a big deal.

I think three months is much too long to end things by simply cutting off contact. These days, most people have slept together well before that point.

Three dates, I'll agree you generally don't need a conversation to end it (unless perhaps you slept together on that third date). But three months? You do need to say something, and unless you're a coward, a jerk, or really immature, you will. I'll cut you slack for immaturity if you're college age or younger. After that... surely you can manage a "sorry, this just isn't working for me."

I agree with Amy's suggested approach for the LW. It's dignified, yet if the guy has any shred of decency in him, he'll feel a bit ashamed of himself, and that will be good for him.

After such a short period of time, I don't see it as a big deal.

It's hard to draw a line. But I think that, once another person "expects" to see you regularly, you need to have an actual conversation to end things. If you've only seen each other twice in the whole three months for impromptu hangouts, I agree -- no conversation necessary. But if you've been seeing each other every week, have regular plans to hang out after one of you gets off of work, or have been chatting every day, then, yeah, you do need to call the person and break it off.

That way, at the very least, they can make plans instead of keeping certain days open for you.

This happened to me once -- for about three months, a guy (who lived about two hours away, but worked in my city) and I would have dinner my town every Fri, watch a move, spend the night together and then spend all Saturday together. With our work schedules, this was the only way it worked. He initiated the fadeaway by simply failing to show up to one Fri, and, not only did I worry, but I had turned down tickets to a concert with friends for that night. That pissed me off more than the fadeaway.

*in my town
*watch a movie

eesh

based on my younger friends reactions, this is now common in the 20's age group... they don't do things formally as often, they "hang out" together, and often everything is fluid. I've started hating that word, a lot.

"I am 27 and was dating a 25-year-old guy for three months." LW

oh? and did HE know that? Was he exclusive, and did you talk about it?

Last time I talked to a late 20's person about the guys' supposed fade out, I discovered that much of the "dating" and hanging out, existed in her head.

They hung out more often with a group... and they only really went out on a formal 'date' 3 times... and no nookie...

Turns out that he was hanging out with lotsa different friends, and even taking several of the offers for a bed to sleep in up, but he wasn't seriously interested in anyone.

He may have thought that by keeping it informal, nobody would get the wrong idea.

I'm not saying this is the case for LW, but I have seen this often enough to know that there are people out there that begin wondering what their children would look like before even really remembering last names.

I've dated people before with whom I felt no connection or spark. When they express interest and email/text to ask me out again, I do the adult thing and tell them in a courteous way that there was no connection for me. And I always wish them the best in finding their match. It really doesn't take much to let someone know in a courteously candid manner. You move on, he/she moves on, life proceeds...