If kissing the girl in the bar was a single event, not to be repeated, I'm not sure what good it would do to tell the girlfriend. I can't see the LW's confession as doing anything but inflaming what should be a fairly minor issue. What's the girlfriend going to think if he tells her? That he has Doubts? That he's found Somebody Else? It was just a drunken kiss. It's not like he slept with her or anything. But if he confesses, she's sure to assume he thinks it's a much bigger deal than it really was, and she'll worry.

As far as the drinking goes, I've found that the second beer never tastes as good as the first, so my approach is to drink a single big glass of the good stuff, and move to soft drinks thereafter.

You screwed this up; you carry the guilt. If you are unlikely to encounter this girl again AND this was truly a drunken mistake and not you sniffing around for some strange, there's no reason for her to know. Be a better man in the future.

One exception: who else knows? How likely are your work friends going to feel that your girlfriend "deserves to know?" Are any of your "work friends" also rivals who would benefit or be entertained by your love-live going off of the rails?

If there is any chance at all of this coming back to her via another route, it's better if it comes from YOU.

Tangentially, near my place is a 24 hour florist (in Australia, where this sort of thing is unusual). I've always assumed it's either a cover for a drug dealing operation, or more likely, somewhere for guys to stop on the way home to get a bunch of flowers after deflowering the mistress...

I have been there once, but that was when I was working Saturday night and Sunday was Mother's Day. 6am is a weird time to be buying flowers, even for me.

Oops, advice to the LW - you barely remember it. So not much memory to erase then?

I doubt she's struggling over existential guilt, or even has much recollection other than "I kissed some guy didn't I? What a night!"

I agree w/ Lamont. The first thing you need to do is take out your co-workers. Either do it yourself or hire someone. I've had to do this several times. It's expensive but worth the peace of mind.

Then don't tell your GF anything. You'll just make her crazy and she'll assume you actually slept with someone. I don't know of any confessions of kissing someone that didn't turn out to be something more serious.

@Milo
I don't know of any confessions of kissing. at all!
but maybe that's because I am french.

Gee. While you're wondering about this load of guilt, the fiancé is wondering if she should tell you about the football team.
Teams.

This goes both ways. When you tie the knot, just make sure it's tight.

"Is it crazy to want to tell my girlfriend?"

Yes. There is absolutely no good that can come of it. Unless this is the sort of thing you're likely to do regularly, in which case you should by all means tell her so that she can decide if she wants to break up with you.

Letter writer,

You're clearly very young. You kissed a girl. Big fucking deal. Keep it to yourself.

...and don't want us to have any secrets.

Good luck with that.

LW: If this is the sort of thing that makes you feel threatened for your relationship, you're probably in the wrong relationship.

Well, on the flip side, long ago I dumped my fiance for an encounter a lot like this. Only he didn't tell me about it. One of his (and my) friends did. My take was that if he'd do something like that when we were engaged and still in the giddy stages of passionate love, what would he do when we'd been married a couple of years and the fizz had gone flat?

(One difference -- I knew the woman in question. She'd had the hots for him forever, she wasn't all that attractive, and he used to make fun of her to me. The fact that he succumbed to it -- well, I couldn't get over it. It made it worse that I knew she was no threat to his feelings for me -- all I could think was that he wouldn't even need anything all that great to be unfaithful.)

It hurt like hell for a long time, but I wanted to know. I've never been sorry I found out, or that I dumped him.

I'm not sure whether it would have kept the relationship together if he'd told me himself -- although I do think I would have respected him more. But the fact that I had to find out from someone else made it a no-brainer for me.

Of course, your mileage may differ.

You should be less overwrought if you kiss someone on the mouth. So you kiss and french for two minutes, you should feel the stress and like it be your pet anvil.

However if you managed to get an STD, herpies simplex (mouth fever blister, or kiss south of the neck line, or way way down south. You might confess or someone might snitch, but remember sometimes when we make errors in relationships, the thing we learn is to not do that again in the next relationship. Becareful about confessing to something that is too damaging. And if you confess big over a small mattter, you'll oook like your covering up something bigger.

Lesson learnt = you don;t have waht it takes to cheat, so don't

Do not tell her.

One tiny indiscretion, and now you want to unnecessarily hurt her feelings and ruin the relationship by for no apparent reason rubbing her nose in it?

The older I get, the less I understand why people want to 'tell'. Telling is something you do for YOU - it's kind of selfish - you get to ease your conscience while making the other person feel bad. Just forgive yourself for what you did, and focus on trying to be a better person in future.

Actually, I think in some long-term relationships, some 'allowance' for the odd indiscretion may even be a sort of healthy 'steam valve', but here's the key, only if it's kept quiet ... don't get caught, keep it impersonal, have enough respect for the other person's feelings to keep it quiet, and enough respect to not ask too many questions either in case they've done something you don't want to know .. it's better not to know. Maybe it's screwed up but that's how I see it.

Good advice from Amy, as pretty much always.

Ashamed, I suggest a whole other perspective, which is that it's a good thing that this happened, that it didn't go too far, and that it happened at this point in your life. You know how horrible it feels to transgress, and you'll keep this feeling with you throughout your marriage, whether to this girlfriend or someone else. It will be something you'll refer to whenever you're tempted, and it may prevent you from doing something much more damaging later on.

Also know that your girlfriend, or any woman you end up with, will probably face something like this at some point--even if you don't think she's the type. Life partnerships are long, and monogamy is difficult. Use the experience for the positive if you can, and don't beat yourself up too much. Wait until you've healed from this to propose so that feelings of guilt don't intrude.