Apartment 2B Or Not 2B
I'm a single guy living in an apartment down the hall from two single girls. I find one very attractive, but the one I'm not interested in is clearly interested in me. She flirts with me overtly and keeps saying she and I should go for a drink. What I'd really like is to get something going with the other roommate.
--Double Trouble
Unfortunately, dropping in on the girls down the hall isn't like visiting a frozen-yogurt shop: "I'm not crazy about the sample you offered; may I try the other flavor?"
You've heard of The Bro Code -- unwritten rules for how guys are supposed to look after their buds? There's a female version; call it The Bra Code: Sistas before mistas, besties before testes. A girl will not date the guy her friend -- especially her friend she lives with -- has set her sights on. Worse yet, there's a good chance that asking you out was something the hot one helped the other one plot. You can, of course, ask the hot one out, but unless the not-so-hot one falls desperately in love with some other guy, the hot one is unlikely to join you in anything sexier than an elevator ride to the lobby.
What you can take out of this is a reminder not to get too laser-focused on one particular girl. You should always be scanning the horizon for possibilities and have a few on deck so when one falls through, you can just shift over to the next. This should keep you from clinging desperately to lost causes, like by pretending you have an identical twin brother and trying to date both the hot and not-so-hot roommate at once. (No, you can't just feign a stomachache and run back in wearing a different hat.)
I say befriend the both of them (and hang out in groups) while dating others. That way you're still connected socially to the one you like and can make a move if they stop being room mates -- or when the other one gets a boyfriend of her own.
Besides, the "other" might notice your chemistry with her roomie and give her blessing. ... which is exactly what happened to me and my roomie, once upon a time. Actually, it happened three times, since we have similar taste in men. She dated the guy down the hall I had a hopeless crush on (with my blessing). And I've dated two guys she'd been going after with HER blessing (I'm dating one now, actually). In fact ... we are Eskimo Sisters.
I admit, most BFFs wouldn't be cool with this, but you never know.
sofar at May 20, 2014 8:20 PM
You could always try the girlfriend switch. As I recall, the problem is that they're into it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkY4fXdkzXg
Ltw at May 20, 2014 11:15 PM
I had this happen once... there were two sisters, A and B. They moved into the apartment complex I was living in at the time. I met A first, at the pool, and I was very attracted to her. She introduced me to B, her sister, whom I didn't find attractive at all. However, B was very attracted to me (which I didn't realize at first).
I asked A out and she turned me down. However, she did start mentioning repeatedly to me that B would like to go out with me. So I let myself be roped into going out a couple of times with B. Quite frankly, the reason I did it was because I thought it would let me get closer to A. However, after a few dates, it became clear to me that A just was not into me, and that equally, I felt no attraction to B. There was nothing for it except to break off with both of them.
(When I told B that I wasn't intersted in seeing her further, A got very pissed at me. Thereafter, whenever we ran across each other, she refused to speak to me. I had not planned to hang out with her any more anyhow, but I didn't intend for it to get uncivil. Jeez.)
Cousin Dave at May 21, 2014 7:24 AM
"Besties before testes?"
I don't get out all that much, but I can't say I've ever heard that before.
Sofar: What does "Eskimo Sisters" mean?
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at May 21, 2014 11:20 AM
RPM daddy, it means they were both in the same igloo (meaning being intimate with the same guy)
Susan at May 21, 2014 12:41 PM
And it can get really vicious when someone violates the code. Divorcing the one and marrying her younger sister a year later is a major no no.
Ben at May 21, 2014 2:23 PM
@Old RPM What Susan said ... but, to clarify, not with the same guy at the same time. :)
sofar at May 21, 2014 6:29 PM
(When I told B that I wasn't intersted in seeing her further, A got very pissed at me. Thereafter, whenever we ran across each other, she refused to speak to me. I had not planned to hang out with her any more anyhow, but I didn't intend for it to get uncivil. Jeez.)
Posted by: Cousin Dave at May 21, 2014 7:24 AM
So clearly Cousin Dave, The answer to this multiple choice question, was neither A, nor B.
Nothing spells controlling bitch like trying to micromanage your love life, after a woman has passed on you.
Isab at May 22, 2014 6:42 PM
Yep. Later I realized what probably happened: B was A's fifth wheel, and A was looking for a way to solve the problem by dumping B on someone else. I broke the plan.
(And I won't say that B was an unattractive woman. In particular, I will say that she was not fat -- that wasn't the problem. It's just that for various reasons, I was kind of meh on it at the start, and the more I got to know her the less attractive she became.)
Cousin Dave at May 23, 2014 10:43 AM
Leave a comment