Chicks dig the "nice guy" and not the "bad boy."

One question I'd be asking is, what did he get the Vespa for? Since you can't really play at Easy Rider on a bike like that, I suspect the LW's husband bought it for practical reasons.

Should he have taken his wife's views into account? Maybe he did, but went with the Vespa anyway. But imagine if the LW wanted to buy a car. Should she drive home in a cute 'lil Miata or a mom-van if it conforms with her husband's image of femininity? Or should she go with the sports sedan, if that's what she really wanted?

The words she's looking for are "Take me, you brute!" but she's got Pyjama Boy. Oh well.

Wow, what insufferable cunts you both are. Congrats on reaching new levels of stupidity and bitchiness.

I certainly hope some of that misogynistic abuse is for me! In other news, numbers beyond two have been discovered!

Is the concern that they are both pretty large and they won't both fit on a Vespa? Is it a weird color? So they won't be able to join a biker gang, what's the big deal?

I'd love to learn to ride a motorcycle but I don't think I have the hand/foot coordination for it.

I would love to ride on the back of a Vespa. It would be a fun ride, who cares what strangers think?

What a bigoted presumptive BlTCH!

Do you really think that men have to conform to your definition of what they should be?!

Apparently your not the person to give advice and I certainly wouldn't consider you to be a goddess.

He's doing what HE want's, and being who HE wants to be...If she's unhappy with that perhaps she should "woman up" and tell him what she thinks instead of going to some self absorbed no nothing like you.

Saying " If you aren't European or a hipster married to another hipster, it's a little dismaying when your husband's new ride looks like it came in a pink package marked "Barbie doll sold separately." ...

...Is like holding a Flyswatter as if it's your scepter and your a goddess.
NEITHER ARE TRUE.

Wow, Amy, you sure touched a couple of nerves with this one! What's with the name-calling, children? Can't you come up with some snark that's got a little more wit involved? Read more of Amy's stuff, she's a master at it!

Anyway, if you read past the first paragraph, you will find phrases like "Your husband wasn't wrong to want a Vespa.", and "It isn't that he should ask your permission."; so unclench already. Sheesh. And really, try to find something important to get so angry about. Like maybe the grocery store doesn't carry your favorite cereal anymore.

Doesn't this couple communicate?

If my husband wanted to buy something either for himself or for both of us, there would be a long pre purchase discussion about the various merits of different brands.

What DOES this couple talk about if not this sort of thing?

Develop other hip European attributes and then just cultivate an image of intercontinental sophisticates! I'm assuming you have a Nespresso that makes Ristretto?

If you're worried about what your friends think, say something like, "Yes, we saw the signores riding them around on our trip to Rome and decided to get one, too."

If you want to turn yourself on, maybe roleplay him as a macho Italian guy. Make a nice pasta dinner. Have him ramp up the latin passionate thing. Maybe he rips off his undershirt and doesn't shave that day?

I'm thinking this whole thing is really very silly, but then I'm European. With hipsters and metrosexuals in my US social circle.

Seriously, scooters rock. Try borrowing it. Brilliant to park, use very little gas, etc. They're totally fun. Also, you'd think people on big bikes would be laughing at you but not at all. There's a solidarity between two-wheeled vehicle riders, they'll totally be cool and nice to you.

Always wear a helmet. I wiped out on my scooter, and busted up my knee. And my helmet. Lucky I was wearing it, n'est-ce pas? (

Over the years, I've done a number of things that project an image my wife doesn't like. When she's complained about it, I've always said (implicitly or explicitly) that I don't care about image; I'll do what works for me without regard to what anyone else thinks.

This might not have been the best answer. She now has a boyfriend and we're splitting up as soon as we can sell our house.

Wow Rex I am sorry to hear that. Are you ok?

Ahem...that would be: "...self-absorbed KNOW nothing..." and "...and YOU'RE a goddess..." -- and that's just the spelling. But don't mind me I'm a presumptive BITCH too.

Wow. It seems this one set a few people off. Not sure why. The advice seems sound to me. It's not like Amy suggested that LW order him to take the Vespa back and get a motorcycle.

Rex, I'm so sorry to hear about your impending divorce. And frankly, I liked your answer. I have to respect a man who can be his own person and not care about "image."

I've always been a big bike guy: touring (BMW), cruisers (Harley), standards (Norton, Triumph),sport bikes, etc. I've owned 'em all at one time or another. I also like to tour around the US on a motorcycle. But the reality is big bikes suck around town. They're heavy, balky and awkward to maneuver in tight traffic, especially with a passenger.

Scooters on the other hand, are light, maneuverable, passenger friendly and generally a blast to ride on city streets and local roads. You can park with the bicycles and you're effectively invisible to law enforcement. The pros are endless with one major con, no highway use, but that's why I keep a big bike as well (currently a Kawasaki Ninja).

However for many riders and especially non-riders, the size of the bike is equal to your masculinity. I feel contempt for those people because they'll never know the real freedom of riding. They're not motorcyclists they're poseurs. Of course, Harley riders are the worst of the lot.

Patrick and Nicole, thanks for your concern. I'm definitely OK. I've mentioned in other posts that my wife and I long ago reached what Amy calls the "roomies for life" stage of our relationship, and because she feels guilty about the boyfriend, she's letting me keep more of the money than she has to. I should come out of this in better shape, emotionally and financially, than I've been in years.

The image thing probably played a small part in killing the love, but there were much greater factors involved.

But then he came home with a Vespa, the little Italian scooter. It just seems so girly.

Your male counterpart would be a guy who didn't want his wife driving a pickup because it seems too butch. You both have rigid ideas of what men and women are supposed to be like.

No problem with that in a marriage, or a relationship, if both partners have that same rigid view. The problem arises if one has it and one doesn't. In your case, you're rigid and your husband (apparently) isn't. If he's the kind of guy who'd buy a Vespa I have a feeling he wouldn't look down on you for buying a pickup.

P.S. The last time Amy had a letter about a guy buying a Vespa (probably the same letter), I posted a link to this book, so I'll do it again: Vroom With A View: In Search Of Italy's Dolce Vita On A '61 Vespa by Australian Peter Moore. Moore buys a classic Vespa (Italian for "wasp", by the way), and rides through Tuscany to Rome. Very enjoyable read. He has a sequel, Vroom By The Sea, where he buys another Vespa (his other one is being repaired) and rides through Sardinia and Sicily. Also a good read, although not as enjoyable as the first.

In Rome, I loved how all the Vespas would cluster at the head of traffic at a stoplight and then, when the light would change, take off like a swarm of buzzing bees (or, as it were, wasps.)

But the reality is, image matters, especially a wife's image of her husband.

Image matters to people in varying degrees. One man may need his wife to always look very feminine, while another may not care if she dresses more "masculine", in, say, jeans and t-shirts.

Maybe he should have got a yellow VW convertible, a Mini-Cooper, or a pink Miata.

This woman will continue to be disappointed in him up to the point at which she yells out "Not only do I not love you, I have never loved you. You are not the man I thought you were." and stomps out the door and hops on the back of a Harley with Billy Joe Bob Ramon Earl.

I'd way rather have a man with a vespa than a "real" motorcycle.

"a guy who's still eating cold cereal over a toilet."

Oh shit, I did that last weekend. Come on, I only turn on the heat when there's a possibility of a girl taking off her clothes, if it's me alone I'll just put on more. the bathroom is the only warm room in the house.

I think for me the issue would be that it's a major purchase and what he bought was not what was discussed. The wife was expecting to enjoy the motorcycle too. Maybe she thought they'd do longer trips together on it...

Unless it was edited out for space concerns, I don't read anywhere in the letter that there was a discussion ahead of time as to what exactly the husband was planning to purchase and it seems - to me, at least - that perhaps the wife made an assumption based on what she wanted: "My husband's been saving for a motorcycle, and I was excited about riding on the back, hanging on to him -- sexy and fun!"
I know people who are passionate about both forms of transportation and believe me, if someone is saving and planning for a Harley, they aren't going to change their mind at the last minute and decide on the Vespa instead or vice-versa. Yes, they both have two wheels, but that's where the similarities end.
Regardless, the major takeaway from this is that this is a couple with serious communication problems. Either they don't talk to each other openly or they don't listen to what the other is saying. Either way, that's the issue the wife should be focused on, not whether or not she can make her husband return his new ride.

"My husband's been saving for a motorcycle, and I was excited about riding on the back, hanging on to him -- sexy and fun!"

Once my wife and her sister went to the mall. The two husbands roll up to pick up the ladies and they are both holding Victoria's Secret bags - Sexy and Fun!
No, they went to VS and bought lotion. Fucking lotion. I know it's not an eight thousand dollar vespa but still, I feel this wife's disappointment.