Grin Acres
I'm an attractive woman with "bitchy resting face." Friends tell me to smile more so men will find me more approachable. I do notice that men like the happy, ditsy girls. It's only in fashion magazines that the "ideal" girls are scowling.
--Frownie
Of course the girls in fashion magazines are scowling. They're in wildly uncomfortable shoes, and they haven't had a hamburger since childhood.
The thing is, happy resting face can come with problems of its own. Social psychologist Antonia Abbey found that men can misread a woman's mere friendliness "as a sexual come-on." This seems especially true of smiling -- to the point where 12 female Safeway workers filed grievances over the supermarket chain's "smile-and-make-eye-contact" rule, which had led a number of male customers to believe these women wanted to bag more than their beer and Cheerios.
So, conversely, yes, you may be missing opportunities with guys who mistake your "I want to have sex with you" scowl for an "I'd like you to go drown yourself" scowl. But really, all you need to do is be conscious of the power of a smile and, when you like a guy, look right at him and turn it on -- kind of like flashing your brights. You're basically putting a sign on the door -- "Open for business! Come on in!" -- correcting the message sent by your default glare: "Closed for renovations. And there's a vagrant living in the hallway who may stab you."
Men don't actually know when you're flirting with them or not. They tend to make it up in their heads (if they like what they're looking at) that you are. Ask a pretty woman and she will tell you anything she does guys take it as flirting.
(Good guys know that they don't know shit and that's why women complain they take forever to ask them out. )
Ppen at August 4, 2015 11:19 PM
There was a time guy could try flirting without worrying about getting labeled as a sexual harasser for unknowing making a woman (who never said anything) that she was uncomfortable, or labeled a rapists for looking at you for "too long" and saying hello while walking past a woman wasnt considered sexual harassment.
Its getting to the point that its not cost effective for a lot f guys to deal with the hassle. So quite frankly it might not be her BRF at all
lujlp at August 4, 2015 11:37 PM
Says PPen: Men don't actually know when you're flirting with them or not. They tend to make it up in their heads (if they like what they're looking at) that you are.
It isn't always easy for guys to tell.
Says the LW: I do notice that men like the happy, ditsy girls.
No, they like the girls who don't appear to be hostile. Ditsy doesn't come into it. LW kind of reminds me of "nice guys" who write Our Gracious Hostess from time to time, complaining that the women only go for "bad boys," as if their "niceness" somehow entitled them to a flock of appreciative women, no effort required.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at August 5, 2015 7:19 AM
I usually go out with my friends without my boyfriend. I am also friendly and chatty with both men and women, and as PPen notes, lots of guys mistake this for flirting.
A lot of women I know have an attitude that any unattractive (to them) guy who approaches them is WASTING THEIR TIME and act as such (scowling, eye rolling, etc.) Meanwhile, I'll talk to pretty much anyone (that's why I leave the house), so I think, by comparison, I seem "interested."
LW doesn't have to be "ditzy." Just be friendly, genuine, warm and open. Strike up conversations. Talk to the bartender if it's a slow night. If you are seen talking to a variety of groups and strangers at a party/bar/whatever, it's funny how many people will just want to hang out with you.
sofar at August 5, 2015 7:55 AM
Wow. Life sure is hard.
I mean, except for the happy, ditsy girls.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at August 5, 2015 12:28 PM
Is it only happy girls who are ditsy, or are we generally happy guys ditsy too? I'd hate to have a girl flirt with me because I look happy and she's looking for someone ditsy, only to disappoint her with my PhD in physics.
Of course, maybe I am ditsy. I'm kind of alarmed to just be discovering my generally happy daughter in grad school at Stanford is a dits.
SlowMindThinking at August 5, 2015 5:21 PM
I've seen people post elsewhere that their "BRF" is just the way their face is, they can't control it.
Well, you kinda can. It is an EXPRESSION, not the default setting of your face when no facial muscles are being used. A BRF person does not have it when they are asleep, for instance. Goes hand-in-hand the common observation of dead people: "he looks so peaceful".
It is a conditioned behavior, and it can be unlearned.
Treadwell at August 5, 2015 7:14 PM
The most attractive thing a woman can wear is a smile.
Snoopy at August 6, 2015 8:50 AM
so you equate happiness/smiling with being ditzy. this might be why you're alone.
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