@"Because we fight so much, the thought of him touching me has become repulsive, so we are rarely intimate"

I bet the reason you're fighting (and that he 'works all the time') is *because* you are rarely intimate. Try set aside your 'repulsion' and treat him to some intimacy, which he is probably sorely missing. I bet his mood and your whole relationship will improve.

But then I'm going to venture a guess you probably weren't that attracted to him in the first place, but married him because he can afford to pay for your lifestyle that includes screwing someone behind his back (with some guy who is able to be less stressed and more fun to be around, one, because he isn't working hard to pay to raise your kids for you, and two, because you're actually giving this other guy intimacy).

What you're doing to your husband is vile, it's disgusting, you should be ashamed. There is no way to justify it with post hoc rationalizations.

LW, you need to split with your husband right now *before* you get kids involved in this mess. If you think it's complicated now, this will be a thousand times stickier if you have kids together.

Be fair to your husband and give him a chance to find someone else who actually loves him and treats him right.

If your co-worker can't afford to pay for kids, tough, you'll have to find someone else who can (you're 30, you still have some time) - you aren't entitled to ruin your husband's life, and his only chance of maybe still finding happiness with someone else, just because you want kids.

And please, stop playing the victim here.

Again we have it... Alpha Fux & Beta Bux

I just have to say ewwwwww.

NEVER EVER EVER HAVE KIDS

You are being influenced by a biological urge, not a well thought out goal.

Any children you have will despise you

Having been deceived by my first wife for 12 years I feel for this guy HOWEVER I also know first hand that it is unlikely that he does not 'know' how she feels.

I wish Amy had been able to write the guy and simply say "Go to counseling ASAP!". It would not change anything but would push him down the path to divorce.

My 'civil' advice is to go to counseling as soon as intimacy stops.

My 'real' advice is to simply "Marry early to get the first one out of the way. Move on once you realize that an early marriage was too early. Keep the kids out of it and see/talk to them daily."

@"Alpha Fux & Beta Bux"

Yup.

Imagine how lonely and painful this must be for the poor husband. Nobody who actually loves him or cares for him at home, while he works hard to help pay for what she wants in life, while she's out giving love and intimacy to someone else.

IMO, I think the 'right thing to do' in this case would be:
- End things with her husband immediately
- Explain it's NOT his fault but hers
- Come clean and confess that she is in love with someone else and has been cheating
- Tell him she's deeply sorry for hurting him and for not being there taking care of him and loving him as she was supposed to
- Tell him he deserves someone better who actually loves him
- Help him as much as possible during the divorce process
- Help him find someone new to show she cares about his happiness and to make up for the destruction and years of his life she wasted
- Tell him she isn't going to try claim 50% of anything (or anything at all), and stick to that
- Accept that maybe she might not have kids in time, and understand that this is mainly her own fault for treating her husband and marriage so poorly ... and that she will have to live with that

I'm secular, but this is the type of woman that needs Christian values to live ethically and successfully maintain a partnership. Combine feminism and modern alimony laws with secularism and you have this epidemic of feral women behaving like this in Western society.

"I am a lying, cheating fraud. What should I do?"
Stop lying, stop cheating, make reparations and move on.

Reparations, you say? Yes, you were taking a man's money under the pretext of a legal, but sham marriage. You owe him the truth and you owe him what you took from him. You can't give him back the part of his life you wasted, so the balance will never be even.

This will, of course, never happen.

Wanting to have kids doesn't mean you should have kids

Sucks, but tough noogies.

I've seen people in arranged marriages where they don't really *like* each other or where the wife thinks the husband is a disgusting moron (or vice versa). But these people have divorced the notion of "passion" from "marriage" anyway, so they are able to create a stable, healthy home environment for their kids.

LW does not seem to have the ability to do that.

Oh dear lord. Please do not be so amazingly selfish as to bring children into this sham of a marriage.
All of the criticism of the LW is certainly justified, but I have to point out the possibility that she's not the only one creeping around here. They don't get along, they don't have sex, he's always working, he hasn't noticed that she's been fucking someone else... It's entirely possible he has a piece of ass on the side. Either way, they don't belong together.

I hear ISIS is looking for a few "good women".

Lobster

Not going to happen. If she hates him that much she will go the whole nine yards.

I Wouldn't surprised at all if she uses lawyers to abuse her husband in divorce court and be done with it. She'd get a steady flow of alimony cash plus a house so she can raise the kids she wants to.

@Bob in Texas

Best answer ever!!

Get the marriage annulled if you can given its under a year. Part ways. Don't try to fight over alimony, etc. Give him his freedom and take yours. The marriage was the mistake. It should never have happened. Do not double down - eat your peas now.

Alimony? Seriously? What decade are y'all living in? Unless she has a disability that prevents her from working, she has zero chance of getting alimony....which is as it should be. And being a shitty excuse for a human being is not a disability.

Still depends on your state Erica. Sad, but there is it.

I read this as she wants to have boyfriends babies while married to husband. Maybe husband forced himself on her and turned her off from him. But her Right Thing to Do meter is broken.

Get a divorce ASAP, break up with him, it is over.

You can still have kids before 35, but you need to hustle, end this, work on your issues, meet someone and do this all rather quickly. Make a decision and go with it. If co-worker is not the right one either, don't pursue that, you don't have time to waste fucking around.

You know you're being a shit to your husband, and you know you are wasting time so end it today.

You have to really hurry and de-shitify yourself, but it can be done.

Though these problems long preceded our marriage, I felt I needed to move forward in life (marry, have kids, etc.), so I went through with the wedding.

OK, that explains why you went through with the wedding. Why the bloody hell did he?

And Rex offers up the $20,000,000 question!