and whatever you do: DO NOT GET FINANCIALLY INVOLVED WITH HER until MUCH, MUCH later... If there are kids involved, even if you don't meet them, 2 years is minimum.

Right now she is still wounded, and the bleeding hasn't even stopped... Also, while you attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt:
Trust, but Verify.

I've seen this up close for both genders, and many situations, as my own divorce played out, and it convinced me to remain ruthlessly single for a while after... because my head wasn't in a good place for character judging, and prolly my own character was wounded itself...

Care, and long life go together, sheepherder. No matter how much you may wish to "fix" her life. You can't, it's hers.

There's always something to be said about being the 'early bird', and 'he who waits is lost'... you don't want to discover that the poolboy had his eye on her, too. My own experience has been rewarded with lots of awesome sex, followed by her suddenly pulling the plug right before Christmas. This has happened three times to me over the years, with her excuse being something about focusing on her own life first. I'd love to hear how that's been coming along, but they never tell me.

Another thing to remember is the one-word description for somebody going through a divorce: Married.

Getting involved with her now might complicate the divorce process, and that's probably difficult enough for her as it is. Out of respect for her, it might be a good idea not to be too aggressive.

Truism or cliche?

What is true is that the person going through a divorce has "delayed gratification" issues just because they were married and may have put their primary personal desires on hold.

(Black widows/ticking clocks excepted. Mother Nature is a bitch after all.)

As jefe pointed out above it's great sex but after the "damn I did that!" phase there should/might be a "whoa! Better slow down and figure out what/who I want." phase.

Amy is right. Be in the picture but if you fall in love w/those you have sex with this ain't gonna end well.

Trust but verify rarely steers you wrong as SwissArmyD points out as well.

LW should also beware of being a "rescuer". She's divorcing, almost by definition has a lot of issues and drama. For some men that's like the flame to the moth (er, um, what I've *heard*, not that I have any *personal* experience...). Problem-solvers usually find problem people, could be that situation is brewing here.

Old RPM Daddy said it best ... She IS married, don't complicate her divorce. It won't end well.

"Getting involved with her now might complicate the divorce process, and that's probably difficult enough for her as it is. "

Yes, and that leads to the other hazard: she and her ex decide to reconcile. Not only will she drop you like a hot potato, but her and her husband will both regard you as the fornicator in the deal. Which means that, if you hang out in the same circles, your reputation is about to get trashed. Seen it happen.

Individual situations will differ. But unless I was absolutely certain that there would be no turning back on her part, I would keep it way on the down-low until the divorce is final.

I agree with everyone here be cautious.

I think what Amy says about make sure she takes responsibility for her part.

I tell my kids if someone complains that every ex is an asshole maybe it isn't the exes.

I was the rescuer when I got involved with my husband who was still married (though we prefer the phrase "not yet divorced").

I had the benefit of hearing the story about their breakup from both sides (I was friends with the wife's sister). They were remarkably similar.

We will be married for 16 years this year. I helped him get joint custody (and there was drama with the ex--it was a very rough first few years).

I am very close with the kids. I teased them when I was pregnant that it was their fault because I fell in love with them (prior to getting married I didn't want kids).

My husband joked when we got married that he wouldn't go through another divorce, if we didn't work out he would just kill me. I completely understood his point and thought it was hilarious (my family and friends not so much).

I still recommend caution and I understood my friends telling me I should wait until he is divorced. I would have said the same thing to someone else in the situation.

Maybe we just got lucky.

Word to Old RPM, dude she's still married. When someone asks how long you've been divorced, they're not asking how long were you separated and divorced, it counts as divorce the moment the ink is dry on that final paper. Anything can happen, including reconciling. Make friends friends with her friends and ask questions. You'll find out extremely helpful information about your chances and the details of her situation.

"Anything can happen, including reconciling."

That's a stone cold bitch when it happens to you.

OR they decide that they are confused because they like you AND the EX! So they need to take some time to "find themselves".

I've seen a success story like Katrina's, but I've seem more confused back 'n forth.

I did exclude any that wanted to hang the guy 'cause that's just the smart thing to do (too many fish in the ocean to get stuck w/that personality).

Is this her first marriage or her fourth? That is significant. If she is divorcing after multiple marriages you may want to date her but you need to understand she is probably not capable of a long term committed relationship.

I was divorced in 1992. Met my husband in late 1992, married him in 1998.

I loved him, but did not want to get that involved until I knew for sure.

We've been married ever since.

There is no harm in waiting as long as you need to. If the other person is that insistent, perhaps he or she is not capable of living alone - which I think is important - before living with another.

She is still married, don't get sucked into all of her drama and disaster until the divorce is finalized, and above all stay off the hubbies' radar.
If she has kids, run, run fast, run far, don's stop, just keep running. She is looking for daddy daycare bottomless wallet emotional punching bag, animate dildo replacement to provide amusement and keep her spawnlings warm and fed. She does not give a damn about you only the services she can get out of you.
Don't don't dont get her pregnant, and give her another potential down the road cash source to squeeze.
The presence of spawn means you will be drawn into an ongoing, never ending life long relationship with her ex whether or not you want it.
Keep your purse zipped, as you may find yourself financing her divorce and moment it is finalized and she dumps you to go looking for a man with bigger bollocks and more bucks.
If she has kids run, divorced women with kids especially young ones have and are satan spawn. Otherwise wait at least 5 or 6 years though 20 to 30 is safer for her to stabilize post divorce emotional and financial status.

If she has kids run, divorced women with kids especially young ones have and are satan spawn.

I couldn't agree less. The best relationship I ever had was with a divorced women with two sons who were 6 and 8 when we started dating. We all lived together for three years, and after we broke up I kept in touch with the boys. They're now in their 30s with kids of their own, and those kids are the closest thing to grandchildren I have.

My recently ended marriage included a stepson who was 5 when we married. I never felt as close to him as I did to the ones mentioned above, but we had, and have, a very good relationship. If there were sides to be taken in the divorce, he'd be taking mine.

@Rex Little

While I would advise more caution with kids I understand where you are coming from.

I love my step kids and if my husband and I ever did divorce I would keep in contact with all of them.

One time when we were arguing one of the kids (probably tween at the time) said "Daddy be nice to Kat; Kat be nice to Daddy." And then he said that he didn't want to have to go to 3 houses if we were to break up.

I thought it was the sweetest sentiment.

Rex, Katrina, and Jackie are all correct.

Unless you've known this person for years this is a situation that has lots of potential to be a bad risk.

A divorced/divorcing parent of either sex has a lot of emotional and financial issues going on.

Typically it takes years to figure out what needs are personal versus what needs are business (kid, finances, etc.). A "mate" coming in to "fix" these needs is a good thing until the other shoe drops.

Homilies are admonitory for a reason and they are age-old for a reason as well.