I'm increasingly frustrated by your views that women are attracted to men with status or wealth and don't care much about men's looks. Personally, I'm not attracted by men's status or wealth, and I'm very aroused by gorgeous naked men -- as are many women. Granted, women thousands of years ago were forced to rely on men for security, but there's been something called "evolution." Women don't need men to survive anymore. Consequently, women are experiencing a discovery of their real libido, which is greatly stimulated by the vision of beautiful male bodies.

--Modern Woman

If women truly prioritized men's looks like you say, Victoria's Secret would be raking in the bucks with a companion chain of sexy undies stores for men. However, Victor's Secret, if any, remains pretty simple: "Turn 'em inside out and you can wear 'em another day."

You are right; "there's been something called 'evolution.'" Unfortunately, psychological change takes a little longer than you think -- which is to say you're only off by maybe a few million years. As evolutionary psychologists Leda Cosmides and John Tooby explain, we're living in modern times with a "stone age mind." By this, they mean that the genes right now driving our psychology and behavior were molded by (and are still largely adapted for) mating and survival problems in the hunter-gatherer environment millions of years ago.

We do continue to evolve. For example, over the 10,000 years since humans started dairy farming, some of us eventually developed the physiology to digest lactose (the sugar in cow's milk) -- allowing us to drink milkshakes without gassing it up under the covers and asphyxiating the dog. But changes in our psychological architecture -- like the complex cognitive adaptations behind our mating behavior -- don't happen anywhere near that fast. So, no, your genes didn't just go "Whoa, look, women's lib!" and then make you start catcalling construction workers.

Of course, we ladies will take a nice view if we can get it, but other things come first. Anthropologist Robert Trivers explains that what women evolved to prioritize in a partner comes out of the greater amount of "parental investment" required from us. Because a man could just walk away after sex (in the days before there was a state to come after him for child support) and because the features men find hot reflect fertility and health, male sexuality evolved to be primarily looks-driven. For a woman, however, a single romp in the bushes with some loinclothed Hunky McHunkerson could have left her with a kid to feed -- long before baby food was sold in stores in cute little jars.

So, the women whose children survived to pass on their genes to us were those who vetted men for the ability and willingness to "provide." There was no "wealth" in ancestral times -- no National Bank of the Stone Age. However, evolutionary psychologists believe a modern man's high earnings act as a cue for what women evolved to go for in a man -- high status, meaning high social standing and the ability to bring home the wildebeest steaks for Mommy and the twins.

You, however, claim that a man's status does nothing for you. Now, studies reveal how most people are, not individual differences, so you may be right. However, cognitive neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga explains that 98 percent of our brain's activity is unconscious -- including some of our decision-making -- but we invent reasons for our choices afterward (typically those that make us seem rational, consistent, and admirable). And research keeps reflecting that women subconsciously prioritize status. In a study by evolutionary psychologist Michael Dunn, women found the exact same man hotter when he was driving a Bentley than when he was driving a Ford Fiesta. Men? They found a woman equally attractive in either car, and frankly, a woman who's hot can probably get dates while "driving" a donkey with bumper stickers on the back.

Next, there's your claim that you and other women are "very aroused" by "gorgeous naked men." Um, sorry, but that's not what the vagina monitor says. Sex researcher Meredith Chivers hooked some ladies up to a machine that measures arousal through blood flow in their ladyparts. Though the women were aroused by footage of sex acts, she also showed them footage of a hot dude exercising naked. The vaginal response: "Yeah, whatevs."

And finally, for the perfect example of how sex differences play out, if a man flashes a woman on the street, it's "You pervert! I'm calling the cops." If a woman does it to a man, it's probably one of the best days he's had in forever: "Wow...it's not even my birthday! How 'bout some yoga poses? Downward-facing dog? Shoulder stand?...Wait. Where are you going? Come back! I think you dropped an earring."

I'm a single woman in my 40s. It's been ages since I've seriously dated anyone. People tell me that I seem "closed off." I don't want to be, but I worry that I'll get into another relationship that ends badly. I don't want to die alone, but I just don't think I can survive another heartbreak.

--Terrified

My dad loves quoting that FDR line, "The only thing you have to fear is fear itself." Sorry, Pops, but that's ridiculous. There are things to fear in life. A couple of examples that spring to mind: 1. A hug from the lady at work who just got back from vacationing in Ebola territory. 2. Being in immediate need of lifesaving surgery and waking up to your drunken neighbor operating on you with salad utensils and a steak knife.

However, it turns out that there's a next part to that "fear itself" line -- explaining that the problematic kind of fear is "nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Perhaps that sounds familiar? And granted, when love packs its bags, leaving you with just a few empty hangers swinging in your closet where your man's shirts used to be, it's normal to come undone for a while -- perhaps spending some time lying on the bathroom floor in an evening dress and breakfasting on Froot Loops a la vodka.

However, what's also normal is recovering from heartbreak. Grief researcher George Bonanno explains that while therapists and self-help books portray grief after a loss as a paralyzing sadness that people are unable to survive without professional help, this isn't how he finds it affects most of us. In fact, he says we are wired to be resilient -- to pull ourselves out of our misery hole and get on with things.

What helps in this, Bonanno explains, is "hardiness." Research by clinical psychologist Salvatore Maddi finds that hardiness involves three interrelated attitudes: a desire to engage with people and life (rather than detach and isolate yourself), a belief in taking action to make things better (rather than sinking into "passivity and powerlessness"), and a willingness to face stressful stuff and use it as a learning experience -- transforming personal disasters into personal growth.

Even if the behaviors that make up hardiness don't come naturally to you, they're there for the taking. So, yes, heartbreak will be painful, but hardiness is a shovel you can use to dig yourself out. What you don't get to do is make the bratty demand, "I want love without hurt or disappointment!" You can fill up your life so it won't be so empty if somebody leaves you and get comfy with the hard truth: Having love is no guarantee that you won't "die alone" -- choking on a chicken bone just as your beloved's gone out the door all, "Wow, double coupon day at the Quik Sak! Be right back, loverbunny!"

There are two women who arouse mega-chemistry in me when we hug, talk, etc. Unfortunately, neither is available. Though I'm basically attracted to the woman I'm dating (meaning she's the right height, weight, hair color, etc.), I don't feel those highs with her. So, my question is, can I make a go of this relationship even though I lack the tingly zest I have with the taken ladies?

--Missing The Whole Enchilada

Can you "make a go" of this relationship? Of course you can! Before you know it, you'll be booking one of those romantic weekend getaway packages to try to rekindle that magical indifference you felt at the start.

Unfortunately, you can't work up to lusting after a woman, like by making your libido do pushups over her picture. We seem to have evolved to be subconsciously drawn to the smell of certain people -- those who have immune system genes different from ours, with whom we'd make a baby with a broader set of defenses against icky parasites and disease. Men, in particular, evolved to be hot for features that reflect high fertility, like a small waist, big eyes, and big pillowy lips. The right smell and physical features flick the "on" switch in what affective neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp calls your "seeking system," sending you signals (in the form of "tingly zest") -- much like a sign spinner holding up a big arrow, "Your penis here!"

No, obviously, you can't have it all, but you have to have enough of it all -- enough of the hots for a woman, along with the hots for who she is as a human being. This isn't to say there won't be issues in bed, but you're more likely to solve them if the licensed professional best suited to help you is not the corner taxidermist.

My girlfriend sleeps with her two medium-sized dogs. They are, to quote her, her "babies." I see them more as her bodyguards. We don't live together, but even when I sleep over, which is a few times a week, she refuses to kick them out of the bed. She has a nice bed they could sleep on downstairs in a spare room, but she says she doesn't trust them down there.

--Second Fiddle

She doesn't trust them down there in the spare room? What will they do, get on the landline and make prank calls to Taiwan?

The truth is, a dog (or dogs) left alone in a room may, in short order, chew a $900 leather chair into a $900 pile of stuffing. People tend to see this as the dog's scheming attempt to show its owner who's boss. However, anthrozoologist and doggy behavior researcher John W.S. Bradshaw says the notion that dogs are engaged in this fight for dominance with humans just isn't supported by modern science. Unfortunately, widespread belief in this myth has led many to see (highly effective) reward-based dog training as coddling and instead opt for Stalinistic confrontation- and punishment-based training, which Bradshaw writes "may initially suppress (some unwanted) behavior but can then cause the dog to become depressed and withdrawn."

Chewing, Bradshaw explains, is actually a form of tension relief for a dog. Tension? Because the dog has a big project due at the office? Well, actually, we bred dogs to bond with us, so they evolved to find human contact very rewarding. And according to Bradshaw's research, many dogs experience serious "separation distress" when isolated from their owner -- which they often express in all sorts of decor-destroying ways. (Welcome to Bed Bath & Look, It's A Giant Dog Bone With Throw Pillows!)

Now, maybe you're thinking, "The girlfriend's two dogs have each other!" If only that counted in dog terms. Bradshaw references a study in which mutts in a kennel, separated from their usual canine kennel mates, didn't act out; however, those separated from their usual human caretakers freaked. As Bradshaw puts it, for a dog, the key pack member is "almost always a human."

As for the human conflict here, relationships researcher John Gottman explains that the answer to gridlock on an issue isn't solving the problem (which may be impossible) but being able to talk about it with humor, empathy, and affection. What's essential is that your feelings seem to be important to your girlfriend and that she at least considers possible compromises, like having the doggies in her bedroom but on beds on the floor. (It may take some training to get a bed dog to be a floor dog.) Ultimately, in the bedroom, the Reign of Terrier may not end, but on the upside, paw print place mats have yet to appear on the dining table, and your customary glass of merlot isn't being set next to a bowl of pasta primavera on the floor.

I'm a guy in my late 30s. I don't fear commitment; I fear surprise -- the surprise I get when I find I'm with yet another crazy woman. My previous two girlfriends eventually turned out to be total psychos -- mean, controlling, and paranoid that I was cheating (which I've NEVER done). I'm beginning to think love is a ruse, with women pretending to be cool and balanced until their true crazy colors come out.

There are events in life that are totally unexpected, like getting sucked up by a big vacuum hose into a passing alien spaceship. If you're the one who ends up under the probe, we don't get to go all accusey on you, like, "You...went out to the mailbox on a Saturday afternoon?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!"

In relationships, however, though there are a few gifted crazies who can pull the long con, most reveal who they really are in many small ways -- long before you wake up strapped to a chair with a bright light shining in your eyes: "Tell me why you had sex with the neighbor!" she bellows. You: "Wait -- the 90-year-old?"

Identifying which ladies are from Batshitistan involves two things: 1. Taking things really slowly so you can look at a woman's behavior over time (especially when she doesn't think you're looking). 2. Wanting to see more than you want to believe.

It also might help you to take an honest approach to the past -- admitting that you treated hope as a creative alternative to critical analysis. This should help keep you from rashly welcoming the wrong people into your life, like that dark stranger ringing your bell in the hooded cloak: "Come on in, mister! There's a bowl of nuts on the table and cocktails on the minibar. May I take your scythe?"

You'll probably think I'm messing with you, but I swear I'm not. I am a man who has no desire to have sex. I was married, but after my wife got pregnant with our second (planned) child, we never had sex again. I just had -- and have -- no desire to do anything sexually with another person. I have now been divorced for 11 years and celibate for almost 21. Since my divorce, I have never hooked up or even gone on a date. I don't want to. Sometimes, I have an urge to masturbate, but I have no desire to involve anybody else. I simply don't get why there is all this kerfuffle about sex. I see no reason to ever have sex again.

--Curious As To Your Reaction

Like many men, you're looking to emulate something you saw in porn -- only it's the coffee table in the background.

Though you refer to yourself as celibate, celibacy is a behavior a person chooses -- a decision to fight off the urges most people have to hop on another person and do the humpus rumpus. What you have is a feeling -- a longing for sex on a par with the enthusiasm of a guest at a trendy cocktail party being offered a slightly squirming sushi appetizer: "Uh, thanks, but don't mind if I don't."

Assuming you've been checked out by a doctor for any possible medical issues, chances are you're "ace" -- as people who are asexual like to call themselves. Asexuality is a sexual orientation -- that of a person who, as social psychologist Anthony Bogaert puts it, has "a lack of sexual attraction or desire for others."

Asexuality is pretty uncommon. According to a survey that Bogaert did in the U.K., maybe 1 percent of the population has an asexual orientation. (This estimate may be on the low side, as it was done in 2004, long before the varieties of sexuality and gender began rivaling the choices in the salad bar at Souplantation.)

Asexuality plays out in varied ways. Some asexuals lack any interest in sex, finding it about as appealing as having another person stick a finger up their nose repeatedly (while panting, moaning, and shrieking in ecstasy). Others sometimes have urges for sexual release; they just have no desire to expand their dating pool beyond their hand. So, while sexual attraction involves noticing another person and wanting to do all sorts of sex things with them, asexuals might find a person aesthetically pleasing but are generally as sexually interested in them as most of us would be in an adding machine or a potato.

There are those who contend that asexuality is a physical or psychological disorder. And sure, some people probably use asexuality as a cover for unresolved issues or for shock value -- like my (decidedly straight) sister did in coming home from college freshman year and announcing to my conservative Republican mother, "I think I'm a lesbian." My mother handled this perfectly: "That's nice; please put out the plates for dinner."

Clinical psychologist Lori Brotto explains that asexuality doesn't meet the psychiatric bible's criteria for an arousal disorder -- physiological impairment or distress at the lack of attraction to others. Research by Brotto and others also finds that asexuals, in general, don't seem any crazier than the rest of us and have normal hormone levels and normal arousability, reflected in erectile function and vaginal lubrication. As one asexual put it: "I did, you know, test the equipment...and everything works fine, pleasurable and all; it's just not actually attracted to anything.''

Some asexuals get into relationships with other people because they want a partner and/or a family. (They're asexual, not aloving.) The problem comes if they don't disclose that their sexual orientation is "Do you mind if I read while you do that?"

As for your situation, if you don't feel there's anything missing from your life, well, yay for you. But consider the "self-expansion" model for romantic relationships, by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues. It confirms what many of us intuitively understand: In addition to the ways a relationship challenges people emotionally, it expands who they are as individuals through exposure to their partner's ideas, identity, possessions, and social circle.

You might be able to have that sort of partnership -- with a girlfriend who likes the same hot stuff you probably do in bed (microwaved Chinese food). You can connect with like-minded individuals on the big forum for asexuals -- AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org). You might make some friends, and who knows...you might even meet the woman of your dreams -- one who can't wait to go home with you for a long night of meaningless Scrabble.