He gets the "benefits" w/o having to "friends".

Pretty cool as long as he doesn't leave an envelope w/cash. Not sure I see the difference in his actions despite the hopes of LW.

Consider this: Last week, he showed up late to my birthday, with no present and not even a card.

Versus this: Any chance he'll finally realize I'm a catch and come around?

LW may indeed be a catch, but seeing as she's already caught, "boyfriend" doesn't seem to interested in the pursuit. And he sounds like a self-centered dick, too, if you want my opinion. As Miss Alkon suggests, dumping him sounds like the best option. And if he regrets losing her, who cares? Without him, she can move on to something better.

Milk comes from cows, by the way. Or in case of the "boyfriend" (at least up to this point), through the fence.

Cut him off and get on with your life. There is a slim chance that he will realize what he lost, but it could take months or even years. You will already be over him. If you are ready for a serious relationship, do not jump into bed too quickly with a guy you like. Men make assumptions about that behavior. My rule is don't sleep with him until you have met his mother. Also, those weeks leading up to consummation are deliciously excruciating.

I predict that in six months she's going to be involved with someone who is crazy about her, and it's going to feel so nice she will wonder why she ever put up with this crap for two years.

Jeez, I can count on one hand (and have a thumb left over) the number of women in my life who've thought about getting ME a card on my birthday.

What about "casual hookup thing" doesn't she understand? If that's how even SHE defines it, it's certain that's all he thinks it is, and all he thinks she wants.

Maybe this is all he wants, and maybe he doesn't want to scare her off by attempting to escalate. Either way, has she tried, you know, TELLING HIM her feelings? If she hasn't communicated, then as far as he knows, she's happy with the status quo.

Men are not mind readers.

(Friendly note to newcomers: please do not post jokes about the security question. We've seen them all.)

*OR maybe he doesn't....

Your best bet (still a long shot) for getting a guy like this to realize you're a catch is to break it off (calmly--"we're looking for different things") and stop responding to his calls and texts for a while. Or wait a long time before answering, and keep your responses casual and firmly non-sexual. Not snarky. Don't act wounded. Just don't be available.

It's similar to how a man should behave if he's really into a woman and she sees him only as a friend. If he's coming over every time she's emotionally needy or the garbage disposal breaks, he's given her no reason to see him in a different light and every reason to take him for granted.

I read a great book years ago called "Why Men Love Bitches." The title is misleading!! It's about getting what you want out of a relationship without nagging, whining, threatening or (ironically) bitching--all things that cause men to tune you out or dig in their heels. In order to make any of the advice work, though, you have to be genuinely prepared to walk away.

LW,
He's just not that into you. Dump and stop wasting the pretty! Also, what Frauline said. Wait a little longer for sex in your next relationship.

To Treadwell, if you think Old RPM Daddy is a newcomer here, you haven't been around too long yourself. He's got years on you kid.

Old RPM Daddy isn't new, and his joke was a twist that is pertinent to the topic.

I agree that the LW should cut it off; her hookup is getting what he wants out of the relationship and isn't going to change. If she cuts it off, she should not do so out of the expectation that being cut off from her will make him realize what a great catch she was after all and there will be a rom-com ending where he comes back to her and proposes during a romantic dinner at the botanical gardens with all of her girlfriends there and everyone else in the restaurant applauds. No, she should cut it off so she can go find the kind of relationship that she wants.

Yes, I know Old RPM Daddy is a well-established presence. I overlooked who it was behind the joke on this occasion.

The ONE time an old hat does it, is the time I happen to comment about it; typical Treadwell timing!

But yeah, newbies: don't.

(And Sheep Mom, I've been here probably ten years. I don't know how that compares to his tenure, or yours, but I ain't no tenderfoot. :))

In a survey by Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Garcia, 51 percent of the people who had hookups went into them hoping to kick-start a romantic relationship.

Yes, because that's approximately the percentage of people in those relationships who are women.