Does this man have the kind of values you are looking for in a long term relationship?

He does?

By all means, trade him in right now for some six foot playa.

By the time you have figured out that marriage isnt about sex or having arm candy, hopefully your shorter boyfriend will be hooked up with some woman who appreciates him.

Cut LW some slack, Isab. The libido wants what it wants. And as you yourself pointed out, it's better for him if she tells him herself that he should stop wasting his time on her.

It will likely be better for her, too. Not every BF/GF relationship is meant to last for life, just because it exists at this point in time.

I find myself wondering if the LW has enough self-confidence, looking for it by association.

I know a couple where she's 10" taller, at 6'2", than he is - and she's his Amazon (a very nice version, too). They're a delight to be near, and there's no question he's hers, too.

"The libido wants what it wants"

Is the LW an adult human with a brain or a chimpanzee?

Trade-offs, trade-offs. I agree that Amy is a bit quick to dismiss their relationship. This *is* a factor, and shouldn't be lightly dismissed - but it is only one factor in a larger picture.

No one is perfect. Do the relationship math: are there enough positives to balance out this negative?

Also, be honest with the guy. Women wear makeup. Maybe he's willing to put lifts in his shoes, why not?

Carly Simon sang about this didn't she? Something about a rive not flowing by her anymore?

This is a tough one because at some level it is what it is in today's world.

Arranged marriages work because there is an agreement about what is important in life - trust, kindness, desire to provide for each other's comfort/needs. Love comes later especially if the sex is at least somewhere on the good to OMG range and being kind to each other is important.

Today w/a background of instant gratification and no need to actually learn who a person is before becoming intimate I'm not sure whether LW is a fool or a wise person.

That is how we mature isn't it? Going from one point to the other.

I know I got destroyed in a first marriage, then found my "soul" mate, then went screaming in the other direction when I realized what happens to moths, took some time "off", and then ultimately found someone who although was not my "soul" mate was a very good partner then and now.

"I'm just not that attracted to him when he's standing up."

So how did they get together in the first place? If she wasn't attracted to him physically, why did she sleep with\get into a relationship with him?

Not attracted while standing?

Lie down more.

Isab - every time a guy says "just get over him being short" I wonder how many times he's dated a morbidly obese 65 year old who, after all, is perfectly nice.

Unfortunately, you can't really force yourself to be attracted to someone. You can try, but it rarely helps either person.

Isab - every time a guy says "just get over him being short" I wonder how many times he's dated a morbidly obese 65 year old who, after all, is perfectly nice.

Unfortunately, you can't really force yourself to be attracted to someone. You can try, but it rarely helps either person.

"Isab - every time a guy says "just get over him being short" I wonder how many times he's dated a morbidly obese 65 year old who, after all, is perfectly nice."

Im not a guy so I wouldnt know.

But there is a big difference between being a morbidly obese senior citizen, and an inch shorter than a propective mate would like you to be.

I am getting close to the 65 thing.

I am perfectly happy with my husband, but have been asked out by more than one guy in his early forties.

In many ways I am a more attractive person than i was when I was 25.

I think it is because I dont give off that bat shit crazy entitled little snowflake vibe. I am also a really good cook, and I have an impressive gun collection.

My voice doesn't sound like nails on a chalkboard

I suspect many sensible men, forty and above would take me over say, * Annalise Nielson*

Isab - "I am also a really good cook, and I have an impressive gun collection."

Hell, you certainly don't need a truck here in Texas with that resume (although a lot of ladies here have one and either a horse trailer or a boat).

Hitting 65 myself next year and yep! my "wants" are entirely different at this point.

A few health emergencies, having some "broke" parts that don't want to heal, and maybe using up most of my 9 "lives" is quite a filter.

Not sure a woman's height was ever an issue although that voice thingy was.

I'm 5'10, barefoot, and hubs is 5' 6". He could throw me over his (really broad) shoulders and haul me up a moutain, no question. If looking someone in the eye while standing is more important to her than having her socks knocked off in bed, well...he won't be single long.

"you certainly don't need a truck here in Texas with that resume (although a lot of ladies here have one and either a horse trailer or a boat)."

Ive got a truck. I use it to pull my airstream trailer. The trailer has a computer desk in the back. I am refitting it, into a reloading bench with my spare Dillon progressive press, so I dont have to do all my ammo in advance when I go to several matches in a row without going home.

Isab: "Ive got a truck. I use it to pull my airstream trailer. The trailer has a computer desk in the back. I am refitting it, into a reloading bench with my spare Dillon progressive press, so I dont have to do all my ammo in advance when I go to several matches in a row without going home."

That's all any woman would have to say in a personals ad. The 'net would explode.

Well, physical attraction is what it is. Everybody has their preferences and you really can't change them. But you can make decisions about what is more important to you, especially after you have been with someone for a while and you have gotten to know more about them. I am aware that a lot of taller women are self-conscious about their height, and being seen with a shorter man exacerbates it. Is that something you can get past? After all, finding someone else with all of the qualities that you like in your current boyfriend, who is also 6'4", may be a long search. I agree with the posters above who have said that the height thing is really something you can't get past, it's time to let him go now.

And the morbidly-obese woman is not a good analogy; that would be like asking the LW if she would date a drug-addicted homeless man. Here's one that fits better: You're a guy who prefers big boobs. Would you have a relationship with a woman who is a B-cup? Maybe, maybe not. It might depend on a lot of other things. A B-cup woman who is sunny, sexy, sharp and loving might rock your world well enough that you can overlook it. Then again, it might be so important to you that you are willing to accept compromises in other areas in order to get what you really want. Either way, the responsibility is on you to not string along someone that you aren't really attracted to, just for the sex or because it's convenient.

I think that the morbidly obese woman is a good analogy. Yes, food can be a drug but they are discovering more every day about the multiple mechanisms that cause obesity.

I am obese although you probably wouldn't know it if you met me - I carry it well (5'6" 160 lbs -size 12)

I've been to trainers and have kept a food diary. I have a terrible metabolism. I'm told that I don't eat enough calories to support building muscle but I'm afraid to follow their advice and eat more since I keep gaining weight on what should be a deficit of calories. I average about 1500 calories per day and walk about 4 miles.

Yes, I was born fat (8 lbs 10 oz but only 17 inches long) and have been on a diet since I was 5 months old.

"I've been to trainers and have kept a food diary. I have a terrible metabolism. I'm told that I don't eat enough calories to support building muscle but I'm afraid to follow their advice and eat more since I keep gaining weight on what should be a deficit of calories. I average about 1500 calories per day and walk about 4 miles."

Ignore the calories. Get rid of most of the carbs. Stop worrying about the numbers on the scale. Your weight doesnt mean anything. You would do a lot better if you stopped obsessing about it. If you have to track something, watch your blood work for for cholesterol, blood sugar and vitamin levels.

And have your thyroid checked by a sports medicine doctor who isnt afraid to get agressive with treatment.

I lose weight almost effortlessly when i get the sugar and bread completely out of my diet.

If you are a vegetarian, you've got a problem. Chances are you will be malnorished before you are thinner.

I have a cousin like you. The only way she can control her weight is by rigorous exercise and watching every mouthful of food she eats, And yep, she's a vegetarian.

Blue Crab: The libido wants what it wants

Isab: Is the LW an adult human with a brain or a chimpanzee?

Isab, having a man be taller than them -- or at least the same height -- does seem to be a huge thing for many (and perhaps most) women. While some women can upgrade a shorter guy from "dealbreaker" to "acceptable" if he has enough other desirable qualities, others (like Amy, for example) won't deviate from "dealbreaker."

I've seen women compare a man's preference for slender -- or at least non-obese -- women to a woman's desire for taller men. While they are both a preference for a physical characteristic they're not equivalent. A person has some degree of control over their weight. A person has absolutely no control over their height. I am sure that if short men could gain height to appeal to more women, many would work hard to do so instead of complaining about women not accepting them for who they are.

Amy: Your preference for taller men -- which biological anthropologist Boguslaw Pawlowski finds 89 percent of women have -- didn't come out of nowhere.

I don't doubt that 89 percent. In fact, if we're talking about preference, I'm surprised it's not higher.

What I wonder is, of that 89 percent who have a preference for taller men, what percent also have it -- like you do -- as a "must-have", something they simply cannot compromise on?

I'm 5'10"-5'11" and I don't have the height hangup. I assume that because guys were shorter than me my whole life, I just got over it. Also, a guy who's 6'0" freaks out if I wear heels. A guy who's 5'8" doesn't care because I tower over him anyway.

Many of my intense crushes and loves were short guys.

I feel sorry for girls with the height hangup, but I'm also glad they exist, because in my lifetime I've been with many amazing short guys, probably available only because of this apparently natural prejudice.

I once read about a professional jockey who had no trouble getting women... He'd tell them "I'm a lot taller when I stand on my wallet."

I'm short enough that height was a non-issue for me. Basically, there are no guys shorter than me.

So, just a hypothesis, but maybe it's a thing in the middle of the spectrum.