My Fawny Valentine
I went out with this guy twice. He was really effusive about how much he liked me and how we had the beginnings of something awesome. He seemed sincere, so I ended up sleeping with him, and then, boom. He vanished. Was he just telling me he was into me to get me in the sack? I can't imagine ever doing that to somebody.
--Integrity
A guy's "I really care about you" makes a woman feel that he's got a real reason for being there with her -- beyond how the neighbor's goat's a surprisingly fast runner.
Men evolved to be the worker bees of sex -- the wooers of the species, trying to sell women on their level of love and commitment with mushy talk and bunches of carats. Women generally don't need to work to get sex; they just need to let men know they're willing -- which is why around Valentine's Day, you don't hear the tool-time version of those Kay Jewelers commercials, reminding the ladies, "Every kiss begins with a circular saw!"
This difference aligns with what evolutionary psychologist David Buss calls men's and women's conflicting "sexual strategies" -- in keeping with how getting it on can leave a woman "with child" and a man with a little less semen. Accordingly, Buss finds that women are more likely to be "sexual deceivers" -- to dangle the possibility of sex to get a favor or special treatment from a man. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to be "commitment deceivers." In Buss' lab, when the researchers asked 112 college dudes about whether they'd "exaggerated the depth of their feelings for a woman in order to have sex with her, 71 percent admitted to having done so, compared with only 39 percent of the women" who were asked whether they'd done that sort of thing.
Knowing the different ways men and women deceive and are prone to be deceived is the best way to avoid being a victim of that deception. Borrow a motto from Missouri, the Show Me State. And note that this "show me" thing takes time. Wait to have sex until you've been around a guy enough to see that he's got something behind those flowery words -- beyond how getting you into bed is preferable to staying home, dressing his penis in a tiny cape, and playing video games.
Was he just telling me he was into me to get me in the sack? I can't imagine ever doing that to somebody.
Two little kids - a boy and a girl -- are selling lemonade out on their front sidewalks (and, fortunately, have not been arrested for selling lemonade without a license and a food-safety permit.)
The little boy will gladly sell a cup of lemonade to anyone who simply says they want some lemonade. So, to get a refreshing drink of lemonade on a sweltering day, all anyone has to say is "I'd like some lemonade, please."
Not so, however, with the little girl. She will sell lemonade only to those people who say they love kitties, unicorns and Bambi. So, if someone goes up to her stand and just says, "I'd like some lemonade, please.", she won't sell any to them. Now, if you're a person who actually loves kitties, unicorns and Bambi, you can be honest and say that, and then you'll be rewarded with a delicious cup of lemonade -- very refreshing when you're feeling really hot. But what if you don't love kitties, unicorns or Bambi? You have two options: lie, and say you do, in order to get the cool refreshment you crave. Or go without; very hot day, but no lemonade for you.
JD at July 16, 2017 12:13 PM
Oh, how I want to see the "Every kiss begins with a circular saw!" ad. Just . . . cuz. I'd also like the one the wife wakes up and looks outside on Christmas morning to see a Sybian with a big red bow in the driveway, and tears up with joy. But that's just me.
Anathema at July 16, 2017 7:45 PM
Amy, I love your science based answers. It is really important to know the drive behind the things we do, or don't. I hope this young lady learns to distrust the sexy bad boy and seek the genuinely interested nice guy. Biology says she won't but here's hoping;)
Chino at October 9, 2017 9:27 AM
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