"He's a good man, he treats me and everyone well, has a solid business that he is growing that actually helps people in need. Everything is so good, I wonder what's wrong?"

She sounds like a trust-fund SJW who has never had to work a shitty job just to make the rent and get groceries. I'm hoping he sees long-term issues here, too

I agree bkmale. He'd better be seeing long term issues here. His whole career is helping people, and yet she's worried that he wants to advance within it? Doesn't that help him help more people?

I think we as a society tend to undervalue how much good our jobs do other people. I don't know what she does, but I really doubt that she does as much for others as garbage collectors and sanitation workers do. (Just look at epidemic rates before and after we figured out how to handle those issues.) People in the medical field, like this guy, clearly help people for a living, yet she thinks he is only helping people if he gives discounts with no self-interested motives at all.

I work for a nonprofit in a community with a high level of volunteerism

Please note: she does not say SHE is a volunteer. She WORKS for a Non-Profit.

So if she is drawing a salary, I am calling bullshit.

But say she IS a volunteer. How is she supporting herself? Who is paying HER bills? Is it Mummy and Daddy? Is it a Trust Fund? Is it her BOYFRIEND?

Cause if she is not paying her bills and she resents her boyfriend wanting to actually, you know, pay HIS bills, her worry about his generosity of spirit means 'his ability to be generous TO ME'. That or she is singularly detached from those plebian concerns of the Little People which she is not tasked to deal with as long as Daddy is on speed dial.

Or maybe she is listening too much to the single bitches in her Non-profit who do not have a man, who are happy to throw shade on this guy.

Single bitches do that whole volunteer thing to get some meaning in their lives that could have come from raising a family but they were too selfish to volunteer their time to loved ones and instead only share their time with strangers. Cause if you get bored or feel underappreciated by strangers, you can just stop volunteering.*

Family interactions come with strings.

She sounds like a lot of fun to be around and not judgmental AT ALL. Maybe she should do him a favor and dump him.

* what is that old Swedish joke? Swedish women put their kids and parents into daycare and homes so they can get good paying jobs taking care of OTHER kids and old people so they can pay for day care and nursing homes.

Disturbed Altruist condemned her 30ish boyfriend’s failure to either volunteer or donate money to charity. In the excerpt printed in the Allentown PA Morning Call 11/9//18, you covered the psychological aspects of her complaint, but missed some practical constraints.
First, therapists tend to work the hours when patients can see them without taking time off from work or school. His weeknights and weekend days may be booked.
Second, it isn’t clear to me that he can perform totally volunteer services, unless it’s done under the umbrella of an agency that covers the malpractice liability. He probably has malpractice insurance, which covers all his PAID patients, but doesn’t cover services to people who, lacking any payment at all, don’t qualify as patients.
Third, the writer doesn’t mention her boyfriend’s financial situation. Is he still paying off undergraduate and grad school student loans? If he has his own practice, how much gross income does he need just to cover his fixed expenses such as rent, utilities, malpractice insurance, and continuing professional education? He may simply be unable to write substantial donation checks at this stage of his career.
Finally, part of the appeal of volunteer work is to get away from ones normal rut. If he spends most of his time in a small office intensely paying attention to individuals and their problems, his ideal volunteer time might be to swing a hammer, dig and weed a community garden, run in a fundraising race or help administer it.
Altruist not only needs to ask her boyfriend about his values, but about his capabilities and interests.

* what is that old Swedish joke? Swedish women put their kids and parents into daycare and homes so they can get good paying jobs taking care of OTHER kids and old people so they can pay for day care and nursing homes.

FIDO at November 9, 2018 9:03 PM
Yea, too much truth to this one, ouch. Too bad most women are bad at math. Can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me why I didn’t put my now 94 year old mother is a nursing home so I could continue working or travel when I liked. Never mind that my mother doesn’t qualify for Medicaid, and nursing home costs were double my annual take home salary.

I think the underlying assumption here for this woman is that money arrives magically in your bank account, and if you don’t spend your time volunteering and self flagellating yourself about your privilege, you are not a caring person.

This one goes with my theory that most people who write to advice columnists asking for "advice" are really looking for validation. Altruist, if that's what you were looking for, wow did you come to the wrong place.

The answer to this gal’s question really got me, man. Damn.

I had to give up on charity work.

There was something about rebuilding homes for wealthy scammers while getting screamed at by I'm-in-charge-now-dammit empty-nest mothers and watching the just-here-to-pad-my-resume' millennials play with their phones just turned me off.

It's probably me, though. I guess I'm just not a giver.