Amy's right, LW should do a lot of soul-searching and review to make sure he was a good, giving, and game partner, that he was not a reason things went south, or a limiting factor for relationship growth. I have been reminded many times that the common element of all my terminated relationships is ME.

But, also consider this:
For most men, commitment means "forever".
For many women, it means "until something better comes along".

Where are you getting your data from bkmale?

I know many couples who've divorced, but the only ones I know who left for someone else were the guys.

LW, by your standard, a spouse-beating, child-molesting, bunny-boiling, cannibal Nazi axe-murderer could be a model partner so long as they are faithful.

Fidelity is your only metric? That's a pretty freakin' low bar.

That might be why your relationships tend to end.

That's an odd thing to pick out, LW if I were you I'd examine why you focused on that one thing. Are you being faithful to get faithfulness, like bartering? Did you resent being faithful (maybe settled down too quickly with the wrong person)? Do you think being left by a partner is the worst thing that can happen to you? Worth examining maybe

Nicole, I suspect you have a unique set of acquaintances. Men and women cheat at roughly the same rates, but a woman's infidelity is more likely to end a marriage than a man's.

Evolution made fidelity more valuable to men than to women. It was the only way a man needed to know the offspring for whom he was providing food and protection were his own. This manifests to this day in that women habitually understate their lifetime partner count, while men overstate it, both because of their experience with how that number impacts their value as a mate.

"You might also reconsider the notion that you had "failed relationships." The reality is, partners change and grow apart."

Amy, if you say you're going to run a marathon, and you quit at mile 25, that's a failure by definition.

When the goal, clearly stated in the typical marriage vows, is 'until death', anything short of that is, by definition, a failure.

There can certainly be debate about whether the intended goal is noble or wise, but once it's declared, success or failure to achieve it becomes an unambiguous Boolean value. Words have meaning; that's why the concept of a failed suicide exists.

at 5:18PM above, paragraph 2 sentence 2, "needed to" should be "could"

It's really impossible to know why this guy experienced two divorces precipitated by his ex's. Women apparently initiate the good majority of divorces, so that's not too unusual. Though being twice divorced from isn't so common.

It may be that he wears on people, or that he's attracted to women with traits that correspond to a higher chance of divorce. Or it could just be bad luck. Who knows?

The only thing to go by is his expectation that fidelity itself should prevent a divorce. I've heard that opinion before, typically from people who believe that infidelity or some extreme situation like violence, incarceration, etc. can ever justify a divorce. If this is his perspective, it may be that he lets his marriages go believing that he's upheld his end simply by not cheating. But again, who knows?

@bw1

How is hammering in the point of failed marriages as "failures" helpful to the letter writer, who was left by both of his wives? Are you trying to help him or..?

Mary, how does ignoring reality help him? He chose his goals, and didn't achieve them. The only way to improve his chances of success going forward is to acknowledge the failures and determine what he could have done differently to prevent them.

You seem to define help as making him feel better in the moment, rather than as furthering the eventual achievement of his goals.